The thoughtless comments

[dhrguru 1,238]

Tell him you don't expect to be the only skinny one and that you looking out for them and that a starch is not needed for each meal.

from your lips to God's ear's. I can't speak another word about nutrition and health as it pertains to him. I can only keep it in prayer for him.

[dhrguru 1,238]

Ugh...yep...I've heard it too from my own husband. I have to remind him often that I plan meals on Saturday for the entire week prior to grocery shopping. i ask for input from the whole family....I make what they want, within reason, and I eat what I can and if they are eating what i can't I eat something else. At times he complains that he wants what I am having...and I remind him "YOU picked the meal!"

We had an disagreement one night because he said all I cared about was my own weight. (as he sat stuffing his face with potato chips) I have been trying to get the entire family to eat healthier...it's a struggle, one they are willing with words to endure, but when it comes down to it, when it is time to eat it...they all want the unhealthy meals...I'm not willing to shop again, so they are stuck with it. Pure lack of willpower, IMO.

Once not long ago during an argument, he told me I was still fat, what good did the surgery do?....I told him if he EVER said that again, we would be separating. I also told him, "I won't be fat much longer, YOU are an ass...hold long will that last?" Granted, I love my husband, but I will NOT be ridiculed by him, ever!

99% of the time, he is supportive and encouraging and I couldn't be happier. The other 1% of the time, I want to smack him with a pan. What irks me is that he can eat chips, etc....beer etc...have only a Protein shake at lunch and he is down 14 lbs in one month...never exercises either. I struggle for every lost pound.

I told him finally, you are either on board or not. I don't pressure him to live my WLS life, i don't inconvenience him. I agree with you...truth is spoken in jest....if it is thought and said, I can only imagine what is NOT being said. When he gets that way, it is his problem (speaking from my situation)...I just stop sharing things with him for a while. When he asks me about it, i just say "Oh, I didn't think you cared anymore."

I so sympathize with this! I stopped sharing too.

In my case I realize I changed a dynamic that had always been there since we met. I was always obese, he was skinny when I met him. I think he always expected me to be the same, and he'd eventually get back to being slim.

[dhrguru 1,238]

My family faces this problem all the time (the leftover rice) even before surgery. I like the leftover idea (we do that a lot). You can also try halving the amount of rice you cook so you don't have so many leftovers. Better yet, switch to a healthier starch like quinoa which has something like 12g of Protein per 1/2 cup. Better yet, it contains all 9 amino acids. I think it tastes nuttier than rice, but is pretty good. I would talk to your hubby about it before "springing" it on your family (to avoid any other complaints).

I agree his comments aren't helpful and also suspect he might be worried how the changes in your body will affect you as a couple. Go with the "I want you all to be healthy, which is why I want to limit the starch or switch to one that's better for us." Maybe he has some ideas how to use up those leftovers!

I never tried quinoa, I will try it. Thanks!

[goblue9280 481]

My wife is overweight and when I had my surgery, she went on a diet. She has been extremely frustrated, as she hasn't been losing much weight. I'm 6 weeks out and I haven't told her how much I've lost since week 2 as it just depresses her. She works nights, and I think that's one of the biggest contributors to why she is struggling to lose weight. She told me the other night that she wants me to lose weight, but only to a point... and that point is she doesn't want me to weigh less than her. I know she supports me, loves me and wants me to succeed, but I recognize this is an emotional journey for her as well. I can be tough at times, because I feel I've become closed off to her with regards to the weight loss... with that, I'm thankful to have this forum where I can open up to the BP community.

[Djmohr 6,965]

Lots of communication required to keep you both sane.

I will usually make a Protein and 2 good carbs (veggies, fruit, salad).

I always engage him in what those good carbs are so he helps make the choice, if he chooses not to engage then he gets what I choose.

I will always ask him do you want a potato or some rice or are you good with the menu as is. About once maybe twice a week I will make a starch that is all about him.

Before surgery every meal had a starch, in fact I am Italian and I think I made Pasta or rice dishes 3 to 4 times a week. After a year of the new plan he really has come along for the ride and even though he himself is still obese it is not because of our meals. It is because of his snacking habits. He Snacks on crap all evening long. Also he tends to run out and grab crappy lunches.

[terrydumont46 1,954]

I eat fish and chicken and a vegetable or starch or salad for dinner. when I am eating the fish my husband who is normal wt. eats pop pies or tv dinners, frozen Entrees like lasagna, chicken alfredo. that way we don't have a lot of left overs and he gets the food he likes. the starch I eat is the little red potatoes. by wt. I can have 3. it has 5 grams of Protein even. I roast them so they don't need any toppings.

[Elode 8,093]

@@dhrguru I really have nothing to say to this but that he's a man, and men say stupid things....My husband does too. I've learned to put his a** in time out. It's much quieter in the house that way Just mentally hit the ignore button and keep it movin.

[Graciesmom04 184]

Right after I had surgery, I ate at different times and in diff areas of the house then the rest of the family. My family realized it was hard for me to cook for them when I couldn't eat it. They started making a lot of their meals on their own, which helped all of us. I don't have to sit and make something I can't eat, they're not stuck eating what I eat if they don't like it and no one gets upset.

I do make foods for all of us and there's a lot of times the kids won't eat it. I tell them that's fine. There's stuff in there you make for yourself. But yes, my hubby always says "make yours for you and we'll eat it too"...along with their chips and Cookies, etc. Lol.

[Chrystee 838]

Can you serve the starch leftovers for a few days? Say cook 2 cups of rice and serve it plain one day, stir fry the next, spiced rice the next. That way no waste and he still will get his starch. Sounds like he is getting jealous of your weight loss and how good you look!

He did suggest serving them again, and I do at times. I use instant rices (ie- goya yellow rice, Lipton rice sides etc) because they don't care for white rice. Can't really 1/2 those.

We make those too, and we do a lot of bulk cooking anyway.. So, I would just heat them up the next day and serve it with the meal..

I think you should address his comments with him, and ask him whats going on? Also, maybe think of creative veggie replacements.. mashed butternut squash (then you can have some and its kind of like a starchy side).. Salads.. etc.. Honestly, I don't believe anyone NEEDS a starch side, and its usually junky anyway, so maybe two veggies.. salad and a cooked one day, then the rice the next..

[Chrystee 838]

As a side note, I now realize HOW MUCH rice and stuff I was making pre-surgery. I used to make a huge pot full, now I probably make 1/4 of what I used to.

[gpmed 623]

Every time I clean out my daughter's lunch box, I have to hold myself back from asking why she didn't finish this or eat that and I cringe when throwing things away. I remind myself that if she actually ate it, it would be gone. If I throw it in the garbage, it's gone. Either way -- it's gone! Why in the world would I go against her natural appetite?

That's really smart. And it makes sense her appetite might fluctuate a little, just like ours do. Way to instill good habits!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Can you serve the starch leftovers for a few days? Say cook 2 cups of rice and serve it plain one day, stir fry the next, spiced rice the next. That way no waste and he still will get his starch. Sounds like he is getting jealous of your weight loss and how good you look!

He did suggest serving them again, and I do at times. I use instant rices (ie- goya yellow rice, Lipton rice sides etc) because they don't care for white rice. Can't really 1/2 those.

If you make a lot of grains (rice, quinoa, etc.) it would be worth it to invest in a rice cooker.

They are pretty inexpensive and they make much better rice than the instant crap.

It's really easy to make the portion that you want. You aren't limited by the portion size of the pre-packaged stuff.

They are really versatile, too. You can use them as a steamer for vegetables, fish, etc.

Did I mention they are really easy and the food tastes better!

[AnnainOK 49]

I would simply cook a smaller amount of whatever "starch" they want, and throw out the leftovers if you can't recycle them. You're going to throw them out anyway if they sit long enough in the refrigerator, so just cut out the mold time, and put them straight in!

Life is too short to let leftovers cause issues, and it may well be that your dh is having trouble coping with the changes he is seeing...he may be worried that you'll find someone new. It sounds as though he needs some reassurance that he's still the one you'll want to be with once you reach your goal.

[newmebithebypass 713]

i second the rice cooker comment i use one all the time for my hubby i make him his rice and then i steam my veggies on top and its awesome they come in all types of sizes so you can make as much or as little as you want and if you get the bigger option you can steam more veggies win win

[*Lexie* 1,486]

My husband has lost almost 50 pounds since I had surgery and he is looking quite hot! Change is hard for everyone involved. I found out recently that my husband was jealous of my progress because he'd stopped losing weight and was feeling a bit insecure. So I helped him step it up a bit and he's losing again and is now within 10 pounds of his goal.

Sounds like your husband wants to be healthier too but doesn't quite want to give up his carbs. Understandable, I didn't want to give up carbs either. You might have to baby step him into it. Now I make a half portion of the rice (the flavored packets can be halved if you use a measuring cup) for my son and me and my husband have the meat and veggies. I'm gradually reducing the junk the my son eats and offering healthier options. He used to hate grilled chicken breast and now he likes it.