The horse Is dead. Why go on beating it?

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

More an observation and question than a rant or rave, but this forum seems better suited than "The Lounge."

Many topics are created every day by members who have experiences related to obesity that leave them feeling humiliated, disrespected or hurt in any number of other ways. The rest of us jump in to commiserate, intending at least to reassure the OP that he isn't the only one and that it will get better.

The responses go on to rant back about the OP's brutish friends, relatives, co-workers, spouses, whomever, and how they should be dealt with. Often enough we who are responding throw in comments about how we would never permit such bad behavior toward us.

This evening for the first time I skimmed back over one such topic in which I'd posted. It occurred to me that there were far more posts demonizing the offenders and, in and not in so many words, criticizing the OP for not taking a stand.

What I'm wondering and throwing out to whomever may be reading this is whether we overdo it as a group? At some point does the OP feel browbeaten by those who are on her side? I don't question the collective intention to offer support and strength, but perhaps too much of a good thing is detrimental, making the OP feel unhappier. Perhaps, after a few such responses, the next BP'ers to come along should keep moving along? Or at least omit the excoriation of those who've injured the OP and his reluctance to speak up at the time?

Thoughts on this?

[P.S. I'm not masquerading as someone who hasn't chimed in when the point had already been made. Truth is that I'm among the people who like to hear themselves talk. Not one of my most attractive characteristics, but there it is.]

Edited November 16, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[goblue9280 481]

Is the benefit to the OP the ultimate measure? Those replying are also individuals... offering a reply can be therapeutic to the replier.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@goblue9280 -- I certainly am speaking of the OP as the measure in his/her topic. Those who merely seek release may do better for all by opening their own topics. Sharing is fine, but what I described is shouting, not sharing.

This example may clarify: I've been waiting an inordinate time for the bus, so long that I'm cranky, irritable and late for an appointment. A stranger launches into his complaints about the wait. I silently give him half a nod and step only far enough away so that he stops talking. Why? His complaining makes him feel better and me worse. He offers nothing useful for either of us and it's my choice not to be sacrificed to his catharsis. In terms of BP I'm questioning the value to the OP of countless "Kill! Punch their noses!" messages. At what point do they become oppressive if, in fact, they do become so? For that reason I'm hoping that some of those OP's stop in.

Edited November 16, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I know exactly what you are talking about. I think sometimes we can be a bit over the top. Somebody vents about a friend, spouse, mother etc and it triggers responses that sometimes seem a bit disproportionate to the situation. Context is everything, and a single event out of a whole life or relationship isnt always an accurate view (well, sometimes it IS!)

However, there have also been a few times when people post things that are very alarming from a health and safety perspective and I think the concert of adament responses is appropriate.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@CowgirlJane -- Very much in agreement with you on the second point. Some people plan on doing or are doing things that make the blood run cold. They need to hear it as many times as it takes to absorb the message.

[goblue9280 481]

I'm not disagreeing with your point, but I have to ask, what are the expectations of someone when posting to a public Internet forum? I know personally when I put up a post, I want unfiltered responses, I don't need there to be a pitchfork limit if a mob forms. I'll weed through the replies to find the useful information, and if the thread has run its course, I'll simply stop coming back to read more.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'm not disagreeing with your point, but I have to ask, what are the expectations of someone when posting to a public Internet forum? I know personally when I put up a post, I want unfiltered responses, I don't need there to be a pitchfork limit if a mob forms. I'll weed through the replies to find the useful information, and if the thread has run its course, I'll simply stop coming back to read more.

Absolutely. This is how an internet forum is SUPPOSED to work.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

The horse Is dead. Why go on beating it?

Ohhh, the 2nd sentence is related to the first. I thought they were two different subjects and you caught my attention.

As Gilda Radner's SNL character, Emily Litella, said: "Never mind".

[gowalking 10,790]

I get what you're saying Laurie. When I see a post with lots of responses basically saying variations of the same thing, I pass it by. No need for me to pile on more...regardless of what the topic is.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I'm not disagreeing with your point, but I have to ask, what are the expectations of someone when posting to a public Internet forum?

Yes, that is one of the questions I posed. You handle a deluge in a sane way.

Absolutely. This is how an internet forum is SUPPOSED to work.

If there's a rule book, I didn't receive a copy when I signed up. The "SUPPOSED to" makes it sound like a single-rule publication. Of course each person proceeds as suits him. I started this topic because something struck me that, because it occurs unrelentingly all over the internet, is numbing as much as it is anything else. Alright, that adds another category to the hammering, whether real or perceived, and the yammering: Tedium. When it gets to that point for me, I drop out of topics.

To each his own.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@4MRB4PHOTO -- How can I just walk by that one? They are indeed related sentences. Poor thing, you missed an opportunity in there beyond the one you took.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

If there's a rule book, I didn't receive a copy when I signed up. The "SUPPOSED to" makes it sound like a single-rule publication. Of course each person proceeds as suits him. I started this topic because something struck me that, because it occurs unrelentingly all over the internet, is numbing as much as it is anything else. Alright, that adds another category to the hammering, whether real or perceived, and the yammering: Tedium. When it gets to that point for me, I drop out of topics.

Absolutely. This is how an internet forum is SUPPOSED to work.

To each his own.

Correct. I clearly confused "how an internet forum is supposed to work" with how I think adults should behave. No "rule book" there, either.

[MimiBMe 94]

Some OP hit a nerve in some people who have eperienced similiar situations and provide an opportunity to vent, learn, and commiserate. But isn't that the point. Isn't this the place for us to do just that!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@MimiBMe -- Learning, good. Comparing notes, good. Commiserating, good. Venting, good, but, when over-indulged, it becomes a futile, masturbatory exercise. Venting serves a good purpose when it's a means of emptying the bile so that the energy can then be used to solve the problem at hand.

That, however, is tangential to my topic.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

@@goblue9280 I agree, sometimes, sheer volume of response is what speaks most powerfully, even if things are trite by the time the last person speaks.

P.S...heart still going nuts from double overtime and Lions win at Lambeau.