Emotional Side of Bariatric Surgery...Its real

[Kimcamm 102]

My surgery was March 31,2015 and to date I am 110 pounds down. I started at 341lbs and today I weigh 229. Now I should be over the moon happy. My weight loss has been awesome, however I realize more now than ever there is so much more to losing weight because I feel more alone today than I ever felt at 341lbs. I'm sharing this to help anyone thinking about bariatric surgery to understands that the reality of not being able to eat through your feelings is hard. Worth it but hard. I just have to sit in the feeling of loneliness or whatever it is until it passes or I can sleep it off, even exercise helps but once the coping mechanism of overeating is gone things get real......fast. I knew this was a component of surgery and I thought I was prepared but I wasn't. Soooo one day at a time. But the struggle is real.

[butterfly23 423]

@@Kimcamm, thanks for your post, it really resonated with me. Sounds like you are doing the hard work neccessary to make sure you are successful, but I hear you. The struggle is so real to sit in feelings and manage them without using food.

I miss the relief that food used to give me, but I am finding I am in my body so much more now and am able to feel and let go of feelings easier and more quickly than when I stuffed them down with food.

Congratulations on your success thus far and with your attitude I know you will continue to thrive. Be kind to yourself, you are doing this!

[Daveo 485]

@@Kimcamm you are so right! It is hard to get through the many emotions without the go to comfort food that we are used to. I used to eat whatever I wanted when feeling depressed or have a case of beer(that was bad) and now I can't do that anymore. Some foods don't agree with me and alcohol doesn't either. Learning to press on through those feelings without those is hard.

[downsizingdiva 459]

THIS RINGS TRUE. I NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS AN EMOTIONAL EATER BUT I DO FIND THAT I SHOP MORE NOW AND SPEND MORE MONEY. PARTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT ASHAMED TO GO SHOPPING NOW BUT I FEEL IT MAY ALSO BE FILLING A VOID. I'M STILL FRUGAL BUT HONESTLY SPEND MORE. THE OTHER IS EXERCISE IT'S TAKEN MONTHS AND MONTHS FOR ME TO ACTUALLY START BUT NOW I THRIVE ON IT.

[jhclikesshopping@gmail.com 285]

@@Kimcamm - first of all wow... you and I had surgery 1 day apart from the same surgeon. WOW!!!! So nice to finally meet you.

I totally get where you are coming from. I am so thankful for my husband,let me explain more on the back history first. I have now lost 4 friends from this surgery - they all felt this was the "easy way out". It has been very hard to lose some long time friends but I think this is part of the surgery outcome. I think... my opinion... that my food choices were good for my friends because it helped to validate their food choices as ok or fine. Now that I am making changes and losing weight, they say I have become no longer fun to go out with. Really - we just do not eat like we used to because I have a different relationship with food. What they do not understand,,,,, their reaction makes me feel so alone. I have so much self-esteem issues already - this has really made it crazy.

So here I am... I might get laid off from my job next week and I so want to eat - chocolate please NOW!!! I am having another one of my really bad periods (yes, mine have been horrible since the surgery). I so want to curl up in a ball with a bag/ box of donuts..... But I have to remind myself (literally every hour) that this is the old me. The new me, needs to go for a walk, drink Water or Protein shake, listen to music REALLY loud, write, paint ( I suck at painting), or do something/ anything that does not involve food. Here is where my husband gets in... When I started this journey, we took my 6 months weight management as a time to really think about how our life is going to change. This time really helped us get closer and plan for what it to come. We have set up strategies and yes, I get yelled at by him when I do not stick to the strategies. Cause I need to hear it otherwise I am going back to my old way. I am thankful to have had this time to prepare and we have gotten closer because of it.

I have two ladies who have asked for mentors. I consider this a time where I can "pay forward" what my husband is giving to me. We need a guide, mentor, helper on this journey. I wish I knew how important it was when I started. I am trying to tell my NUT how important this is - and I think, the people in the doctors office are not enough. We need people who have lived through this. I think having these ladies in my life have helped me be a stronger wls patient - they improve my recovery and keep me on the right track and want me to succeed. Sure it takes time from me... but what I get back from them is so much emotionally.

My advice to new patients and people planning... try to find a mentor to help you when you need it. Trust me you will.

My advice to those of us 6 months out... be a mentor. Others are struggling and it's our job to help them succeed, so we can all show the success of this surgery and get others to realize this is not the "easy way out".

[cookies_queen 74]

I can't compare myself to you but today I think I had a taste of the what is to come. I was miserable with an extreme case of PMS and my bf upset me I cried.. Was sad but stuck to my diet. It sucked

[livvsmum 2,368]

Congrats on your success thus far! I agree with you. The emotional work, to me, is way harder than the diet changes or physical parts of it. What has helped me is therapy & the book "When food is Love." I highly recommend it :-)

[ridingrae 61]

Hi there, I had surgery on the same day. Sometimes I start crying because I am so happy but it is just so surreal. I want to yell to people that the old me is still in here in this new skinny body. It's like I've lost someone. The emotional stuff is definitely getting hard right about now for me as well. It is real. But you are not alone. I try to think of it as an opportunity to improve my mental health and just another part of working on me. Take your new improved self and put yourself in some different, and comfortable and new situations and see what happens. Sometimes when you do things alone you actually feel less lonely. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass!

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@Kimcamm

I agree the mental/ behavioral changes are a big part of WLS. Before surgery I would have never gone to a coffee shop, restaurant or bar(not a dive bar ) by myself. Shopping has become an issue (I'm trying to get a grip on it) The gym is where I take out my stress and process issues I'm working on. The things I have overcome on the inside have been the best part of my surgery.

One day at a time....you got this.

[Kimcamm 102]

@jhclikeshopping you are so lucky to have such a great support in your husband. That's awesome. This surgery has truly been a life changing journey and I'm sure we're all going to be successful. You are so right about paying it forward. I have a good friend that I have known for over 20years that went to her first bariatric seminar yesterday. I have assumed the role of mentor to her and I'm so proud of the steps she is taking to better her life. We can definitely do this, hang in there. ????

[Kimcamm 102]

@@jenn1 thanks a bunch for the encouragement. I too have been bitten by the shopping bug and I recently discovered I can fit size XL which has totally turned me into a shopping lunatic???? but it's so much fun. Yes the work we do on the inside is what is most important you are so right and we can do this because failing our sleeve is not an option.

[Kimcamm 102]

I can't compare myself to you but today I think I had a taste of the what is to come. I was miserable with an extreme case of PMS and my bf upset me I cried.. Was sad but stuck to my diet. It sucked

@@cookies OMG PMS makes everything that we are already dealing with so much harder???? hang in there, it's so great that even with all you were experiencing you hung with it and stuck to eating right. Kudos to you... We can do this ...we got it????

[cookies_queen 74]

Tuesday I was sad today I'm raging.... Grr but still not cheating. I could hit someone I'm so irritated. I'm hungry and irritable I believe that's called Hangry...

** disclaimer I'd never hit anyone

[downsizingdiva 459]

@cookies_queen YOU MENTIONED PMS....I SWEAR I DID NOT HAVE PMS UNTIL AFTER THIS SURGERY - IS THAT CRAZY???? DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IN THE SAME BOAT??? I HAVE BEEN MEAN AS CRAP! I USED TO THINK THAT PMS WAS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR BEING MEAN AND HATEFUL AND EMOTIONAL...I BELIEVE IN IT NOW...

[cookies_queen 74]

@cookies_queen YOU MENTIONED PMS....I SWEAR I DID NOT HAVE PMS UNTIL AFTER THIS SURGERY - IS THAT CRAZY???? DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IN THE SAME BOAT??? I HAVE BEEN MEAN AS CRAP! I USED TO THINK THAT PMS WAS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR BEING MEAN AND HATEFUL AND EMOTIONAL...I BELIEVE IN IT NOW...

i used to think PMS was a myth but then I got to my late 30's and discovered the struggle is real and I feel sorry for my family.