To Tell or Not To Tell?

[ellie123 374]

Weight loss is such a personal journey...a hairball of the bliss of eating favorite foods, complex emotions, compulsions, defeating behaviors, shame, embarrassment, resentment, and the list goes on and on. No one wants to admit that they can't control what goes into their mouth. I'm coming up on my surgery Nov 2nd...and frankly, if I could, I would tell no one at all! Some of it is the former, but also, from having my lapband surgery, it added sooo much pressure, having people watch everything I ate, asking me how much weight I've lost each time I saw them, saying insensitive comments and remarks, etc...and then it was what they did not say, as I put the weight back on slowly but surely...I could almost hear what they were thinking while watching me eat. My mother falls into the category of people I don't want to tell. I love her dearly, but she's a stoic, non understanding person, who, when I had the lapband, called up each and every one of her thousands of friends to "in confidence" express her fears over my decision, and to ask their opinion. I was mortified at how many people knew, way before I was willing to share...

When I loose weight, folks will surely ask how, and I'm not sure how to circumvent lying. I don't want to be dishonest, but then again, I don't feel like I need to share my personal and medical choices with certain folks... I will need all my mental energy to focus on learning to use this tool to loose weight, rather than appease peoples curiosity and deal with their remarks and opinions.

So in short, just wondering, if you decided to tell or not to tell. And if not, how you coup with the inevitable questions that will come.

[Jennifer Cunningham 18]

I've told people that ask - I'm not telling total strangers but close friends/family of course - I think you should have a support systems. I do know some people who haven't told anyone - personally I have loved having the support of my friends/family - some of them haven't been supportive but that is there problem - I am proud of myself for having the strength to not live for food any longer - to say I want to be healthy - i want to feel better - I have tried everything and nothing worked - I am happy and have had no regrets of having it done - that is my personal thoughts though -

[Linaka 92]

The only one I told was my hubby (because I had to). I have lost and gained weight so many times before, I don't think there will be too much inquiry. If there is, than I went on a strict Protein diet and started exercising again. That's the truth without all the details. I feel that I have enough to do to stay on course without having to pause and discuss, defend or explain my decision to everyone who wishes to satisfy their curiosity. Good luck!

[N8969 2]

I have felt exactly how you are!

When I first had my Lap band surgery i told absolutely no one. My parents and thats literally it. I was not ashamed but I was scared of not succeeding and everyone knowing that I went to such extremes for me to still fail. Well it got to a point where I was vomiting so much from my lapband and loosing weight that I did indeed tell a small group of family members.

This time around for this surgery I have only told the same small group of family and friends. They are a bit more understandig when it comes to going to restaurants or going places when they know, because otherwise they just kept asking me over and over again why I wouldnt eat or why this or why that. But they have also been very understanding and supportive. Now the family members who arent as supportive I have decided not to tell, not like to them but just not tell them.

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

IMHO, if you have these concerns...I would think about it long and hard on who to tell...but the decision is yours. It simply is a personal choice. I'm sure you've heard the rhetoric, where it is your decision and no one else's opinion matters but your own. But darn it, it is hard to do this period, and we want support....hell, we deserve it!

If you decide not to tell anyone, when you are asked about how you are losing weight, you can honestly say without lying "I've come to the point in my life, that I have needed to make some very personal and drastic changes." If asked what does that mean, tell them again, it is personal and ask them to please respect your privacy. Bad thing is on the flip side, no one to share those accomplishments with either.

On a personal note, I've only told my husband and kids, my best friend and one sister. I am 6 weeks post, and I will see family and more friends during the holidays, but I'm not yet putting it out there for ridicule, debate, or dialogue. However, I will say here that I am the type of person that if someone doesn't like my decision or opinion on it, I will frankly tell them to go pound sand for all I care....and that includes family. Someone at work found out, no idea how...and they had the nerve to start spewing the dangers and how I am weak yadda yadda yawn yawn...(now keep in mind I am a supervisor), I simply told them, good thing you don't run my life then.

[Christine99 69]

Frankly its no ones business but yours

I have only told a very select...in my family my mom and my bf. I did tell girls at work.

I made it my New Years resolution to get healthly...new job, new year new me.

So to the people that have noticed my weight loss have noticed as I have been progressing since January and know that I have been going to the gym everyday and eating low carb.

Its a totally personal decision and up to you who you want to share that with

[livvsmum 2,370]

I decided as a general rule, not to tell people. When people asked I just told them I completely changed my lifestyle to include lots of running, high Protein, low carb, and lots of Water. None of this is false.

I just feel like my medical history is no one's business. However, my family of course knows, and a few select friends who I decided to tell.

I will so though that the pressure of everyone watching me didn't seem any less because of not telling people. When they see you losing weight SO rapidly, people will just comment and watch what you eat and don't eat. It's just human nature I suppose, or curiosity, fascination, etc. So I don't think not telling alleviated that at all.

Good luck!

[kyahjade 26]

I've been really open about my surgery, so far as to blog about it and post it on my Facebook page. My goal is to end the stigma of "taking the easy way out." I figure I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. I am doing something huge for health, and if that makes others think differently of me, then see ya! Here's a link if you're interested. Hopefully it will give you an idea of both sides of the decision to tell others. https://beingthickandtired.wordpress.com/

[Tssiemer1 549]

It's all over my Facebook and blog. When people try to get me to do something or eat something I shouldn't I let them know.

[downsizingdiva 460]

MY OPINION....DO NOT TELL. IT HAS MADE MY JOURNEY SO MUCH EASIER. I DO GET, HOW ARE YOU DOING IT? - I ANSWER VERY LOW CARB, Portion Control, EXERCISE. THEY ASK HOW MUCH WEIGHT (I HATE HATE HATE THAT) - I ALWAYS SAY I DON'T KNOW - WHICH IS NOT A LIE - MY WEIGHT FLUCTUATES ALL DAY LOL. MY CURRENT OR PAST WEIGHT ARE NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS. I HAVE A WORRIER OR TWO IN MY FAMILY THAT THINK I'M STARVING MYSELF LIKE ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER DID AND ALL I KNOW TO DO THERE IS TO ASSURE THEM THAT I'M NOT STUPID AND THAT IS DEFINATELY NOT WHAT I'M DOING. ANYWAY, THIS HAS BEEN SO STRESS FREE NOT HAVING QUESTIONS, LOOKS, JUDGEMENT, PRESSURE, GOSSIP, YOU NAME IT. OH AND I GET MORE COMPLIMENTS THAN ANYTHING, I SIMPLY ALWAYS ALWAYS SAY THANK YOU GRACEFULLY AND QUICKLY CHANGE THE SUBJECT TO THEM.

[ellie123 374]

Thank you all so so soooo much for your awesome candid responses. Love it! Another member gave me this quote that I think really applies...

Ben Franklin said, "To whom thy secrets thou does tell, to him thy freedom thou doest sell."

Good luck to all of you amazing women!

I wish we could all gather together and have a good old time exchanging stories and eating our two spoonfuls without judgement

[heather5565 959]

Such fantastic responses! Wow!

I personally have told some of my friends and family. Not even all of my family. I too had the lap band before and it worked very well for the first year then my body rejected it for 3 years after that. Had to have it taken out and I was able to actually lose more weight and stay on track for a few years.... then I went back to school and started leading a very sedentary life and went back to my old eating habits. Which now lead me to gastric bypass and me writing on this post right now!

I wish back then I would've just done the bypass to begin with. Oh well!

Oh and I sorta snorted as I laughed out loud to your comment about "eating our two spoonfuls"

My husband looked at me funny.

LOL

[CJ Porter 93]

I've been very open about my journey. People I work with have watched me lose and gain weight over the years. And I had to take three weeks off work. The weight I've lost showed right up in my face, so, everyone noticed.

I did tell my mother who is a dietitian and expected that I would face significant opposition from her. But at the same time, I didn't want my husband or sister to face her wrath if something happened to me during surgery and they had to tell her after the fact.

I was of the same mind as Kyahjade - not only did I want people to know this was a crap ton of work, I also wanted to be out there and let people know there's nothing to be ashamed of if this is your choice. But at the same time, I don't have issues with telling people to step off if they say something inappropriate. I find I mostly get curious questions (i.e., What? They removed your stomach? ) and people asking how and what I eat. I don't mind sharing. I'm always very careful to include details of my exercise regimen, Water intake and some of my challenges - like I am currently hungry much more than I expected.

It's such a personal choice. Whatever you decide, good luck!

[ellie123 374]

Finally home. Surgery was this past Thursday. 3 hour surgery, 2 night and 3 day stay in hospital. Band removed, hiatal hernia repair (I did not know I needed it), Gallbladder removal and ofciurse Sleeve. Very rough first day. But I took a Licken and kept on Ticken! Will write more about experience, when better rested. Hard to write on phone. Peace and love