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I feel like I lost myself , became stuck up and shallow.



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I relate to what your saying.

Having been in a bad marriage which largely contributed to my weight gain, feeling depressed and the lowest ugliest most difficult time of my life- getting out of that and losing weight was like getting out of jail. The relationship I was in smothered the hell out of me and it felt so good to get free.

When I started dating again I went a little crazy. I did eventually end up with a boyfriend- not hard to do looking like this. But I haven't been a very good girlfriend. I crave men's attention. It makes me feel so powerful,so wonderful.

When I was overweight I felt invisible to men which was crushing. Especially because I'd only been overweight for five years and I was used to being much more attractive. So to have that back now feels awesome!!!

I don't play with men's emotions but I do enjoy letting them take me on a date and getting their appreciation.

I think their are lines you can't cross here. Enjoy the attention of men, that's fine- but keep it professional. You don't need to sleep with everyone you meet. Look for one you actually want to be with, or keep it casual with all of them. You can enjoy sexy and your body, but make it clear to them where your at if your not looking for a relationship.

There is nothing shallow about enjoying your sexuality, your beauty, and your freedom. I am woman hear me roar!!

But whatever you do, don't forget about or screw over your female friends. They are the ones we need the most in life!!! Don't chose men over them or let men become a bigger priority.

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I relate to what your saying.

Having been in a bad marriage which largely contributed to my weight gain, feeling depressed and the lowest ugliest most difficult time of my life- getting out of that and losing weight was like getting out of jail. The relationship I was in smothered the hell out of me and it felt so good to get free.

When I started dating again I went a little crazy. I did eventually end up with a boyfriend- not hard to do looking like this. But I haven't been a very good girlfriend. I crave men's attention. It makes me feel so powerful,so wonderful.

When I was overweight I felt invisible to men which was crushing. Especially because I'd only been overweight for five years and I was used to being much more attractive. So to have that back now feels awesome!!!

I don't play with men's emotions but I do enjoy letting them take me on a date and getting their appreciation.

I think their are lines you can't cross here. Enjoy the attention of men, that's fine- but keep it professional. You don't need to sleep with everyone you meet. Look for one you actually want to be with, or keep it casual with all of them. You can enjoy sexy and your body, but make it clear to them where your at if your not looking for a relationship.

There is nothing shallow about enjoying your sexuality, your beauty, and your freedom. I am woman hear me roar!!

But whatever you do, don't forget about or screw over your female friends. They are the ones we need the most in life!!! Don't chose men over them or let men become a bigger priority.

I love this thank you .. I think maybe my mistake was going on a dating app and getting 20 messages a day and letting alot of men take me out I kinda just wanted to go on dates and feel what that was like but I also let the sexual tension get to me I had only been with 1 person when I was fat now I been with too many .. my female friends left a long time ago way before I started the dating life so guys is all I have as friends and attention that might be a problem too I don't have friends. My sister is like my bestfriend. . I think at the moment I found my perfect guy so I Wana see how that goes ..

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Do yourself a huge favor- go out and make more female friends asap!!!! Find new ones. The gym is a great place to do this. Find workout buddies! Take an art class, look for singles groups online for girlfriends.

It's so so important. If your world revolves around men it's going to be rough going.

I've also online dated a lot and still am. I love it. I let them take me out and wine and dine me and enjoy my company. If I'm not interested, then I don't go out with them again. I don't feel bad about that. I went through a highly sexual phase too and it was awesome. I didn't feel bad about it at all! I love sex (safe sex of course) and I love celebrating my new body. I never strung anyone along however.

Trust me, guys can handle the truth. Just explain to them what your going through.

It's okay to be real.

I hope you have found your perfect guy. :) remember there are soooo many fish in the sea if he turns out to be a codfish.

Now go out and make some female friends asap!!!!!!!

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I enjoyed reading these posts. I too have lost 70 pounds in 4 months. I'm no longer the fat girl. Men are noticing. I enjoy shopping now I understand what you going thru. Life is so much better. Sex is so much better

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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