Hi all.

Surgery is 9/14/15 and I have been having a food hay-day! It is making me feel disgusted with and about myself. Self loathing stinks! I see my therapist tomorrow, thank God, but not sure it will help too much.

See, I am afraid of failing AGAIN. So much so that I haven't even had surgery yet and I am failing already. I cant turn from sweets lately or late night snacking. I feel tormented sometimes with my thoughts of "....I wonder if that cookie is still there; Mmmm I really want a half sour pickle; etc.... I feel like I need a lobotomy. I know part of the eating issues are due to life stressors I am experiencing right now: House is in foreclosure; have an out of state wedding to attend this week and I feel disgusted with my body that I don't want to see anyone; surgery is coming up and fears surrounding that. However, despite knowing these issues/concerns, I cant stop myself. What if I cant stop myself after surgery? Oh I feel so conflicted and hopeless I wish I would have just had the RNY from the beginning. Ten years and I am back where I started all over again.

Thank you for reading my tantrum.

I am so proud of you! It takes a lot for someone to say they have a food addiction. You are even taking steps to help yourself. That is extremely courageous. I think we just need to learn to take it one meal at a time. I am right there with you! I love food. I love eating it, I love thinking about it, I love talking about it, and I love cooking it. It is so hard to make healthy choices when eating is such a normal part of life. We have to eat to live, that's what makes food addiction so difficult. I know for me, I have to make a choice at every meal. Am I going to let food control me or am I strong enough to say that I make the decisions. I completely understand where you are coming from but we can do this! So many other people have taken control of their lives and we can too. I think seeing a therapist is such a huge part of this and can really help you become successful. Best of luck to you! I am rooting for you

Thank you for your reply and support Funkecoldmedina

Hi India,

What a stressful time for you, no wonder you are overwhelmed. Take a moment to regroup and look at what you can take off your "list" of expectations and focus on yourself. Perhaps you are fueling your hunger with carbs and it is an never ending cycle. Try the Protein first approach and it may bring that hunger beast under control. What you might consider as being a failure if reflected to me as being a survivor. Take care and you are so worth it.

This is one of those situations that can only be described as........It sucks !!!

I'm very sorry to hear your situation and share a lot of your concerns. There is hope and evidence that it will get better.

I have a work associate that lost a tremendous amount of weight two years ago....1/2 his bodyweight.

He did it at a time when he said his life was a whirlwind of stress......huge debts, marital problems, job issues.......

His weight was worse due to stress-eating......one more big meal or snack would make everything better, but we know the story with that.

He said he realized there was almost nothing in his life under his control at that point....nothing except what was going into his body.....and how much his body moved. He keyed in on this and made it a focal point every day....and nailed it down tight.

I ran into him last week and couldn't believe this guy. He doesn't even resemble his old self. It's been a few years since he started yet he looks 20 years younger, no kidding.

He said he ate Proteins, no sugary stuff, lifted weights and daily cardio. The guy is ripped now. The only way you can recognize him is from his fingerprints. No kidding.... it is the most unreal transformation I ever seen.

I figure if a guy who succumbed to the same food & drink addictions that we do.......for decades, yet can make that huge of a change.....then the rest of us have a fighting chance with our surgery.....once we start feeling better we can do more exercise and hopefully the desire to sabotage our progress with bad eating habits will diminish.

I've got to talk more to the fella and pick his brain some more.

There is hope and evidence that it will get better.

India, as you've probably heard over and over again "admitting you have a problem is half the battle." I've

Battled with food addiction for years, even been to a couple of treatment centers. Your fears are so similar to mine. I laid it all out to my therapist and made a promise to be brutally honest with him and myself. Part of addiction is living in the shadows (at least for me). I blew it big time today - on steroid pack, had an all day pre-op thing, some bad family news and headed straight for the bakery. In the past, I would have kept this to myself and say I wouldn't do it again (which of course I always did)! But this time, as hard and terrifying as it is, I have to go in my psych's office on Wednesday and tell him exactly what happened. May not be the step I wanted to take, but I know it's a positive step.

There are some great books on food addiction that I've read over the last year. If you are interested in names, let me know.

I think you are brave for admitting your struggles on this forum. Hopefully it will be one step in finding the healing (and the support) you want and need!

Thank you Rejean;

Thank you Dub

and

Thank you Choosehope

I thank God for this forum and support from all of you.

Choosehope, I definitely would like the titles on some of those books you mentioned. Have you found them to be helpful?

Feeling a smidge better today, but I'll take it. Was busy last night so it kept me focused - had to start packing for my trip. Not finished but 85 percent complete. Concentrating on packing kept my mind out of food land for a bit.

OP I am so with you on this; I too am a food addict and have the disease of obesity. When I was speaking with my dietician the other day we discussed how the desire to eat what ever non nutritious food is in our brain; so our brain should not be controlling what we do. Our soul is the master of our body. When you say this phrase it really can change things. I am also using this mantra; "I am my soul, I control my brain, my brain does NOT control me". I am my soul I control my brain. She also mentioned a website; stop, breath, think. Give it a try, it seems to be helping me.

India, one is Anatomy of a food Addiction by Anne Catherine. It was the first one recommended to me and outstanding. Food Junkies is by Phil Werdell who runs Acorn Food Dependency program in Florida. (Check out Acorn's website - lots of good info! He also has excellent five day workshops! They also provide phone coaching for a fee which was invaluable to me. Both he and his wife are food addicts who have lost and kept off large amounts of weight ). And one of my favorites which looks at it from a body and spiritual perspective is Food Triggers by Rhona Epstein.

Hope these help! Let me know what you think!

Oh, Phil also has a book on Bariatric surgery and food addiction can't remember the name.