As I get closer to the time of my surgery (one month), it is becoming more and more difficult to not tell my dad. He knows I'm having surgery and wants to know why. I've told him its a personal issue but feel like I'm not being honest. I have a very close family, and my dad has supported me through several treatments for food addiction. Frankly, I want my dad's support and encouragement.

However, dad got remarried ten years ago - five years after my mom's death- and his wife is difficult. She tends to be a know it all and to be very judgmental. Even though there are only twelve years between our ages, she likes to tell me and my sibs how to live. She has a quick easy answer for everything and is one of those southern ladies who can smile, saying bless your heart, while she stabs you in the back. I'm being a bit unfair as she does love my dad and makes him happy. However, I just don't want her to be a part of this journey. I'm so torn between wanting to talk with my dad (86 years old) and wanting to keep it from her and I just don't know how to do both.

Anyone in a similar situation? I'd love to know how you handled it? Thanks so much!!

I have to admit to getting a bit teary as I read all of your thoughtful responses to my post! Thank you for sharing your insights and caring! I guess I should have mentioned that I am single and don't have children, so my dad and my two sibs are my primary support system. We also all live within about five miles of each other and get together fairly frequently. In fact, we will be celebrating my dad's birthday dinner and my brother's birthday dinner both during my liver shrink diet. Don't expect that to be too big of an issue.

I think that the hardest thing is that I feel it's a matter of integrity. I've never deliberately kept something from my dad. It feels like I am telling him a half truth that may hurt him if he later finds out. Of course, I have to decide what's more important to me - complete honesty with my dad or keeping information from his wife so that there are clear boundaries, knowing that I can't do both at the same time. I wish I had the gumption that some of you seem to have in saying to heck with her and telling her to back off, but I guess I'm not that fully actualized yet! lol! Also, it could also start a cold war in the family. Dad should never have to chose between his wife and his daughter.

As many of you have pointed out, even though we are close, it is my life and future. And I keep replaying what I have seen many write on this forum - "you can never untell someone." Still don't know what I'm going to do, but feel much better for having the chance to talk with others about it!

Best wishes and prayers to all of you who have said you are in similar situations. I'm here for any of you who want some support!

Whatever you choose to do and whatever happens as a consequence of that choice, the people here, myself included, support you and care about you. Everything will be great in the end.

i chose to tell my very opinonated dad and his reaction was nothing no reaction. now weather or not he tells my step mother is a whole other ball game. she is a real piece of work. i cant stand her to be honest but my father loves her so i put up with her to keep the peace. she has mellowed in her old age. i will make a formal announcement about my surgery next year at thanksgiving once i am 5 months out so no one can try to sway my decision but thats just me