What to do when no one supports ... Your decision

[Running2theSleeve 40]

I had my first meeting with my surgeon yesterday and will now begin their requirements (the various Nut, GI, Pulmonary etc) I was so excited! No one called me to see how things went besides my closest Aunt (BFF) (she had the band so is a little more open. I told my mom and sisters on the 4th of July as reminder and my mom said it's stupid all you need is dedication to your diet. My sisters basically ignored my comment as they don't agree either.

Well between us gals (my mom and sisters) I am the ONLY that has struggled with weight. They always say I get it from my Father's side of the family. When we take pics I'm always the one that looks the odd one out. They go shopping but don't include me because I need the big girl stores.

I know this is the best thing for me but I wish they supported me. I even asked my one sister if she would go with me on surgery date and she was like really Rhonda!

Am I making the wrong decision? Do you make this type of decision without the support of those closest to you? I had to tell them because I have 3 children (2 underage) and if anything happened they need to know.

I was so filled with Joy and they took it ...

[Daisee68 2,493]

I'm so sorry you aren't getting good support. Hopefully your Aunt can be your go to for support and hopefully the others will come around as you work through the process.

[rosepose 105]

I'm so sorry! That really sucks. My family wasn't doing cartwheels at my decision but they were more supportive than that in a slightly alarmed kind of way. I think that not going for their approval but figuring out what will make you healthy and happy is what's important here. It sounds like a difficult situation but there are support groups and support forums and loads of people out here who truly understand why you're making this choice and understand that perseverance is not the issue. No one here thinks that your decision is anything but brave or thinks that this path is the easy way. We get it. We're with you. And even if they never get it, there are support groups and friends you haven't met yet who will be there for you in the future you're building for yourself that includes making healthy decisions for yourself whatever that looks like.

[SHELLYROCKWELL 13]

You have to do what makes you happy. The surgery was the best decision I have ever made. Im down 82 pounds after almost 9 months. You do need support from friends and family to get you thru the ruff stages, so im so sorry to hear your family is not helping your decision. Remember you have forum friends how are here to help you through this.

Edited July 8, 2015 by SHELLYROCKWELL

[Running2theSleeve 40]

Thank you all!! I look to these forums for support! Truthfully the only support I have is my girls (10 & 8) my Ex (their dad) and my 8 year forever man.

Getting your support means soooo much!

[SHELLYROCKWELL 13]

Getting sick of the same old foods. Feeling like I need some sweets. Any healthy suggestions? Iam about 5 pounds from my goal weight of 130, so I want to be smart about healthy choices. I usually drink chocolate Premier Protein shakes as the snack, but feeling like my body wants more.

[Elode 8,093]

You start living for yourself. The rest will have no choice but to fall in line or not...not your problem.

[Kathy812 794]

@@Running2theSleeve, from your last post it looks like you have a few people who support you. So lean on them and this group. We all get it!

Let me add, often times when people don't support you, it's because they don't understand it. Maybe call a family meeting and share with them how you feel and answer any questions they may have, hopefully u could can enlighten them.

At the end of the day, you are doing this for YOU!

I hope they come around. Wishing you the best.

[Catherine Davis 36]

Thank you all!! I look to these forums for support! Truthfully the only support I have is my girls (10 & 8) my Ex (their dad) and my 8 year forever man.

Getting your support means soooo much!

Hi there. I know how you feel with the lack of support. My mum is supportive of the surgery, but I live four hours away from her so she has not been to any appointments with me. My husband keeps asking me if I really want to do this, and frankly is a bit horrified at the idea of the surgery- he would prefer me not to go ahead with it and has also not come to info sessions or appointments. But I will be relying on him after the surgery because I have three primary school age kids. I had my gallbladder removed just under three weeks ago, and although I had hoped for help, by two days after being home from hospital it was back to me doing all the cooking, cleaning, getting kids to and from school etc and I am expecting much the same after getting sleeved. ???? Unfortunately the rest of my family live near Newcastle 500km away (I am in Southern Tablelands, NSW) and I am not comfortable telling my friends here about the surgery (they are mostly parents of my kids school friends rather than my friends). I am relying on these forums for my support too ☺️

[rosepose 105]

Thank you all!! I look to these forums for support! Truthfully the only support I have is my girls (10 & 8) my Ex (their dad) and my 8 year forever man.

Getting your support means soooo much!

Hi there. I know how you feel with the lack of support. My mum is supportive of the surgery, but I live four hours away from her so she has not been to any appointments with me. My husband keeps asking me if I really want to do this, and frankly is a bit horrified at the idea of the surgery- he would prefer me not to go ahead with it and has also not come to info sessions or appointments. But I will be relying on him after the surgery because I have three primary school age kids. I had my gallbladder removed just under three weeks ago, and although I had hoped for help, by two days after being home from hospital it was back to me doing all the cooking, cleaning, getting kids to and from school etc and I am expecting much the same after getting sleeved. Unfortunately the rest of my family live near Newcastle 500km away (I am in Southern Tablelands, NSW) and I am not comfortable telling my friends here about the surgery (they are mostly parents of my kids school friends rather than my friends). I am relying on these forums for my support too ☺

Wow... can your mum come and visit for a week after your surgery? If not I'd go buy frozen meals enough to last for a week or two for your family. It's not as though you'll be bedridden but it's a bit tough for a few days and being around food you can't eat while you're still getting used to the situation and while you're drinking nothing but Protein drinks could be a bit rough. Once you're on soft foods you can make everyone stews and Soups you can also eat and it will all be rather easier.

[Slim-Shady 79]

So sorry to hear of the struggle with your family. This journey can be a struggle within itself, so you don't need any added pressure! The good news is, you do have some people in your corner, and you are one step closer to a healthier you! Lean on those who are supportive of you, and do what you can not to focus on those who aren't. I realize that's easier said than done, but I'm sure you are stronger than you realize. You've already made a big step and exhibited enormous courage! Each step will get easier (both mentally and physically). As hard as it my be to do, you might have to place some distance between you and the "unsupportive" individuals and focus solely on you. Sometimes people who display unsupportive behaviors do so because they want you to remain in a unhappy place. They want you there because they take pleasure in seeing you there. Hard to believe, but it happens. Wishing you continued success on your journey!

[rosepose 105]

Thank you all!! I look to these forums for support! Truthfully the only support I have is my girls (10 & 8) my Ex (their dad) and my 8 year forever man.

Getting your support means soooo much!

You know, that's actually some pretty great support right there.

I have a few family members who I spent years trying to get their approval. I never did. Losing weight, being super nice, bending over backwards and generally being a doormat... nothing worked. I'm not saying it was easy but with a lot of work I reconciled that I'd probably never have it and that it didn't actually have anything to do with me and that I was worth taking care of and deserved to be happy even if that meant not having them in my life. I'm not saying that this is the situation with your sisters and mom, but some of the things you described made it sound like a hurtful relationship for you sometimes. I'm sure your mom and sisters want what's best for you, but that doesn't mean they actually know what that is. You get to do what's best for you and it sounds like the most important people are right there at your side to support you through it.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Yes, that sucks.

But no, you can't change others or their opinions. Only they can do that.

Look to yourself and those who DO support you. Stop expecting support from those who have shown that they aren't on your side.

Grieve if you have to. But please do NOT let their negativity influence you. If their nastiness upsets you too much, don't be around them.

Be strong for yourself. Care for yourself. That's why they call it "self care."

[downsizingdiva 460]

THATS REALLY SAD. I HATE THAT FOR YOU. YOU COULD PUT IT THIS WAY, IF YOU WERE AN ALCOHOLIC, WOULDN'T THEY SUPPORT YOU AND TRY TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY TO OVERCOME YOUR PROBLEM? MOST THIN PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE OVERWEIGHT OR EVEN OBESE AND MOST OF THEM HAVE NO TOLERANCE OR EVEN SYMPATHY FOR IT. THEY SIMPLY CANNOT RELATE.

[devillynn 193]

don't let them get you down. they have no idea what it is like to live with being overweight and struggle with it daily. they think it is just a mind over matter thing....it is not. if it was that easy we'd all be skinny. i didn't have a great support group in place when i did my surgery either but i did not let it stop me - i was determined to do this for me - 1 year ago on June 24, 2014 i had a sleeve done i weighed 326 pounds and today i weigh 191 and still losing - it is work - daily - but it is so worth it. i feel good. and no one can take that from me. i want that for you too. good luck to you!!!