What to do when no one supports ... Your decision

[amanda6033 5]

I'm in the same position you are. No one is behind me on this. My stepmom keeps trying to talk me out of it. Even after I keep explaining why I am doing it, she doesn't think its Ok. My best friend told me tonight she honestly thinks its me being lazy. I can't stop crying. I am so excited about this, but all of the negativity is hard to not pay attention to. Especially when I am always there for them.

[WL WARRIOR 692]

I was in a similar situation. I'm not going to repeat all the great advice others have already given. But I do want to make sure you don't repeat my mistake. Make sure that the person who goes in (or drops you off and picks you up) to the hospital with you on surgery day supports you or is nice enough to keep their mouth shut. I wish I had done my surgery alone without a soul knowing about it. That would have been so fantastically freeing. At the last minute, I asked my mom (non-supportive) to drop me off at the hospital and pick me up.

The hour long drive to the hospital was filled with questions and comments from my mom about how I ruined my adult life by being so heavy and that surgery was just going to be another failed attempt at improving myself. I was an emotional wreck once I got to the hospital. On the way back home, she said that I was such a weakling because of the painkillers I picked up from the hospital pharmacy. That whole dark and stormy ride home was me trying to fight the lumps in my throat because I was fighting back tears. Looking back now, it angers me how I let it get me so down.

From that point on, I decided to put up boundaries. When she dropped me off at my home that same night, I asked her not to come to my house to check on me or visit. I also asked for her to never ask how much I weigh or how much weight I have lost. That was last October and she has not been to my house since. We do talk on the phone, but she has never questioned my weight. Well, she has said that I am too thin, but I just choose to ignore it and change the topic. I may invite her over for dinner this summer because I've gotten better at ignoring her negativity and nagging.

There is enough encouragement on the forums here and in support groups to help make up for the lack of support you feel from others. I wish you luck!

[shellyd88 463]

No one else gets to decide what's good for you except u and your dr they also don't get to sit in judgment of you be it for being overweight or having surgery and I know what u went thru I too had that type of mother except when it's her it's never her fault no responsibility was taken so I say good for you no who treats you that way and speaks to u that way deserves to be invited to your home or into your life to behave that way to someone in a vulnerable position is unacceptable no one has to agree with a decision u make if so fine then they shouldn't agree to drive you etc and then verbally beat you up while your at their mercy and it's ok for you to tell them so and not to take any crap from people parent or not that's not acceptable

[Daisee68 2,493]

@@WL WARRIOR - I am so sorry you went through this! And also to so many here who had no support. It makes me want to do 2 things - maybe 3 - 1) Call my mom and my sister who were with me and were and still are BEYOND supportive and tell them how much I love them and appreciate them. (I did them flowers post-op.) 2) Contact each and every person who has ever been so disrespectful and just plain MEAN to every single one of you and give them a piece of my mind; and 3) Figure out a way to create some sort of company that would be available to bariatric centers to help with patients - physically, mentally, emotionally - who do not have support including taking them to surgery, stay there during surgery and take them home and help get them settled the first couple of days.

You truly are a warrior. I have been at home caring for myself since 2 days post-op (my choice - and obviously not alone when I am at work), but I cannot imagine going through this the way you guys did. My heart breaks for each of you and I wish I could be there to take each of you to and from the hospital!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'm very proud of those of you who have stood up for yourselves and cared for yourselves when those around you didn't volunteer their support or, worse, threw emotional barriers and abuse in your way.

This journey offers us many opportunities for many different kinds of personal growth. And distancing ourselves from destructive, toxic persons is a great way to improve our lives.

Again, respect to you who've stepped away from the poison you used to tolerate.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Thank you all!! I look to these forums for support! Truthfully the only support I have is my girls (10 & 8) my Ex (their dad) and my 8 year forever man.

Getting your support means soooo much!

Thankfully, you DO have support. Before I saw this post, I was thinking that you really only need one person in your corner to help. You have that, and more. It helps to have support, but really, you could do this without it!

I'm always a big proponent of getting the people in your life on board if you can, (if they actually care about you) because they may have fears and it impacts them, too. Like it or not, there is always the possibility of complications, and that WILL impact everyone. However, at the end of the day, it's your decision, and you have to be comfortable with it. You have to accept the risk, you have to do the work, and you get to reap the rewards.

Ultimately, this is your decision. Only you know the answer to the question if it's right or wrong. You are asking that question to a bunch of people who did exactly what you are proposing to do, so we might be biased . Some of the people in my life didn't really want me to do it (my parents who I am very close to) but once they realized I was moving ahead, they were worried but not openly opposing. Once I was through the surgery and was safe, and then later as they saw my success, they were and are thrilled for me. It was absolutely the right decision for me, and worth the risks. I'd do it again, with or without the support of loved ones.