What happened in your relationship after surgery?

[TXTinana 269]

I am so glad to have found this topic...not glad for what you are going through, but because I am going through it too and needed someone to talk to about it. Granted, my husband has gotten better about it now that the date is getting closer. I can still sense his uneasiness with this. In my situation, my husband is very insecure to the point it becomes suffocating at times. We've only been married a little over a year, but since I have been with him I have put on 80 pounds...80 pounds that I worked super hard to get off a couple years before we met. He's one of those guys that can eat and eat and doesn't really have much to worry about as far as gaining too much weight. I love him so I do what I can to ease his mind, I try to remind him that he wants kids with me and wouldn't he be more comfortable with a healthier pregnancy and so on and so forth. But he did ask me once to promise I would not leave him when I got thinner. That hurt me a lot when he said this. To me it felt like I am only with him because I was fat when we got together and settled with whatever man was okay with that. Maybe I blew it out of proportion but that was a pretty tough couple months where he was not on board. He too pulled the "you do what you gotta do, but I don't wanna hear about it..." It's frustrating to say the least.

Edited July 23, 2015 by TXTinana

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

This is way more than about getting new attention. This is alot to do with finally being free of obesity and thinking about life satisfaction. I was in a "non relationship " and we are both happier as friends since the love was dead ages ago.

[lisa0617 54]

I am sorry you are going through a similar situation. I don't get the impression my husband feels insecure at least lately. I feel like he has one foot out the door. I will be interested to hear if he comes around after your surgery. Good luck

[lealor 127]

_{Thanks so much for these posts!!!!!! I honestly am crying right now because all of you understand what I am thinking . I am so worried about my fiancé after the surgery. Not because he wont support me....not because we have a great equal relationship, but for the reason that he is overweight, unhealthy ( physically) and we have a life AROUND food, and have since day one. I am scared, but if he not on purpose sabotages me, I will have to end it, I guess. I don't know.? :-(}

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

_{Thanks so much for these posts!!!!!! I honestly am crying right now because all of you understand what I am thinking . I am so worried about my fiancé after the surgery. Not because he wont support me....not because we have a great equal relationship, but for the reason that he is overweight, unhealthy ( physically) and we have a life AROUND food, and have since day one. I am scared, but if he not on purpose sabotages me, I will have to end it, I guess. I don't know.? :-(}

I assume neither of you is mute or deaf.

You and he can actually talk about this stuff.

Or you can sit alone in the dark and cry.

[snapdragon05 44]

My husband is not supportive either. He says he doesn't like the idea of me going under the knife... Yet when we went to a concert the other day I was looking at shirts and asked to see to see a woman's xl. He looks at it with me and says that isn't going to fit you, get a mans size. I said no and we walked away. I wanted to say something but I was tired. This morning we get on the topic again and I said maybe it would have been nice to say, buy the shirt so that after your surgery you can wear it. I called him a jerk and unsupportive. He agreed he shouldn't have said that. I have already told him I don't want him around for appointments etc because I know how he feels.

[lisa0617 54]

I have to admit this makes me so sad. I feel for you. My husband complains about my weight on the back of his bike but wants me to be happy the way I am. I wish they could make up their minds.

[TXTinana 269]

I am very interested to see how my husband's feelings will progress post-surgery. I am so nervous that his insecurities are going to become overpowering. I am hoping/praying/wishing they do not.

[SuperSecretIdentity 3]

I'm very glad I found this topic, though I'm not glad for what some of you are going through. So, firstly, let me extend my good wishes to those of you who are struggling to find support from your significant others.

I'm actually worried about myself, not my boyfriend. I'm incredibly lucky that he has been supportive of this process- he came with me to my surgeon's seminar, he'll be at my appointments (where a support person is welcome), he helps me with all the little stuff that comes up like running out for Vitamins, finding the myriad of different protein/meal replacement shakes at the store (trying to test flavors early so when it's time for the liquid diet I'm not scrambling to find something that doesn't taste like garbage. yuck.) All around, he's a great man and I'm lucky to have him. But, he's also the only boyfriend I've ever had. I'm in my mid-twenties and no other man has shown a romantic interest in me (if you don't count devastating moments in middle school in which I was informed that boys did have crushes on me but not my body- in other words, "I like you, but I'm too embarrassed to date you or ask you to dance because you're fat!)

Anyway, I'm afraid that with the sudden influx of attention I'll turn into someone I don't like and it'll be the demise of what I have with my SO. We've talked about it before, several times actually, but he doesn't seem to understand that this is a real phenomena for women who undergo this kind of procedure. He seems totally secure, and he's probably completely right to be, but what if I become someone I don't like? Memories like the one I described above can do a lot a damage to your psyche with this kind of thing, especially paired with a lack of love/attention from my parents as a kid. As a "fat person" I made up for the lack of love/attention by desperately trying to be perfect- super smart! super friendly! super nice! never, ever get in trouble! super dependable!- what if I find myself (subconsciously) trying this new outlet?

That was long, sorry guys!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I think you're struggling with trying to balance "a full life lived normally in stages" while also "understanding what love is and what it encompasses."

When people are improving their lives after WLS they often destroy their old lives.

Sometimes it's for the better.

Sometimes it's disastrous.

Just be glad you don't have children together at this stage.

Protip: Nobody had a perfect childhood. Everybody thinks they missed something important. Even the skinny bitches.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

To add to this... alot of the skinny bitches are actually not very happy either...

I think you're struggling with trying to balance "a full life lived normally in stages" while also "understanding what love is and what it encompasses."

When people are improving their lives after WLS they often destroy their old lives.

Sometimes it's for the better.

Sometimes it's disastrous.

Just be glad you don't have children together at this stage.

Protip: Nobody had a perfect childhood. Everybody thinks they missed something important. Even the skinny b*****s.

[renman23 18]

This surgery is about reclaiming YOUR LIFE. Your health, Your confidence, YOUR happiness.

If sharing that w/ your significant other is important to you, then you will do that.

If your health, confidence and happiness is important to your partner, then they will share that as well.

But sometimes, its' not.

and that's ok as well.

[work2Bskinny 78]

Ok so now I'm going to be the bitch who says.... I did something for myself that made me healthier, and you didn't really support it, but now that I've lost 60 pounds in three months you are noticing how I've changed and liking it, but maybe I don't want to be with a guy who has no sense of self pride to become a healthier man!! I've made changes for the better, and you find it sexy....shouldn't you try to reciprocate??

[lisa0617 54]

My husband was a jerk for a few weeks and then I realized the problem was I made the decision on my own and he didn't feel like I listened to him. I also saw panic when I just went for the endoscopy. He is afraid. Now he nervous about the extra skin. Help!!!

[betrthnever 107]

@lisa0617

How was your surgery?