female only Can you MAKE me feel worse?

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

@@CanyonBaby, I am so sorry to hear of your husband's colonoscopy result. I hope it helps to know that all of your friends here on BP are pulling for you and wishing you and your husband well. Even if you can't check in often, you will still be in our thoughts. Also, I'm sure the doctors will tell you this as well, but treatment for colon cancer is a lot better today than it used to be.

[AvaFern 3,516]

@CanyonBaby I am so sorry about your husband's diagnosis- I will keep you guys in my prayers.

As for the other situation, maybe I can provide you a bit of insight as a person who worked as a medic when I was younger. I think if I went back to do the same job again I would be a completely different type of person because I have a much deeper well of experience to draw from. I was about 22ish when I first started working with patients and I had never been a patient myself. I was purely clinical with everyone- if they aren't breathing, breathe for them, no heart rate, give them one, leg missing, make sure they don't bleed out...I was a lot more concerned about not killing them and not messing anything up than I was about the actual person underneath the problem. I also learned very quickly that you don't emotionally invest in patients or you get your heart broken, so I kept my distance and in doing so I probably offended some people. As an example, for the rest of my life I will remember a cancer patient that we went to. The woman was at death's door...she had swollen lymph nodes everywhere, she was maybe 100 pounds, her hair was gone, and she was in so much pain that she was howling like a dying cat. I was so completely and totally horrified- not in any way that I would have ever wanted to offend her but I had never seen something like that and I was completely rocked. I responded to that by being cooly professional with her, which in hindsight I could have been a whole lot more compassionate if I wasn't trying so hard to hide my complete terror that I might in some way hurt her or make her feel worse.

I also remember the first time I saw what a double masectomy patient looked like, the first time I had a burn patient whose skin was literally peeling off, and the first time I saw a person who had been tortured. In each scenario I was so surprised at what the scars and injuries looked like and that anyone would have to suffer through that and I was so focused on not letting the person know that I hadn't seen people like them a dozen times before that I was probably very distant toward them which they could have easily interpreted as me being judgmental in some way.

So...I know you interpreted the woman as being rude to you, but from experience it may not have been intentional or judgmental. I don't know what kind of scars you have, but this may have been the first time she ever saw something like that. She could have tried to keep covering you up because she was trying to protect your modesty or because she wasn't sure how you felt about being there with your scars showing. She lacks the experience of pain like yours to be able to manage it correctly, and by the time the situation was over with, you may have been so upset by her actions that everyone else seemed to be comparable morons.

I'm not saying the woman couldn't use a lesson on bedside manner, but as a person who was also once young, and massively inexperienced in life, I likely gave some people a comparable impression that you got and I would never ever have intended to hurt their feelings as much as my actions were designed to hide and protect my own fears and insecurities. I wanted to project confidence and professionalism in a situation where I was in completely unfamiliar territory and I likely overcompensated and was cool or distant as a result. Maybe that was the problem with the woman you dealt with.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

I actually have a little time today, as my husband is at another officer's funeral this morning. This officer was shot and killed by a "bad guy", and has left behind a wife and 2 young children. What a week.

So between laundry loads, I will fill you in on the latest. The doctor has called yesterday with news that the cancer cells have NOT grouped together, which is (I think) good news. We cannot tell yet, even from the CT scan, if it has spread to any other system. He will have an MRI on Thursday, and another colonoscopy on Tuesday (for additional biopsies). They did see what appears to be a cyst on his pancreas, with what appears to be singular cancerous cells, but again, that should be good - that they have not grouped up. Hopefully these other tests will show all. Then he will have surgery to rescind the colon where the tumor is located. This is all in our Good Lord's hands, where we trust all will be attended to as He sees fit. Your prayers are greatly (GREATLY) appreciated, and the more, the better!

My news is my stress test came out normal, (HA- THAT was stress?!), so this ordeal with hubs should really show me some stress!

@@AvaFern, I thank you for your insight. I am hoping that what you have experienced, and what you have revealed, is what happened with this situation (my stress test). It must, indeed, be difficult to see such atrocities, especially without seeing positive results from treatment given. Or knowing what happens to these folks in the future. You have wakened me, and my eyes are now opened. Thank you. It is the reason I have tried to give all that see my scars a head's-up about what they are about to see, so the shock of it doesn't stun them. So they are prepared. What I didn't think of was how they must take all of this in, and try to process it without becoming emotionally overwhelmed. It IS overwhelming. It does me virtually everytime I look at myself. I try not to look so much anymore.

People, you are amazing. In your own world of drastic change (for the good, I might add!) with WLS, you have taken time to comfort me, and give much needed (and heeded!) advice. I can never thank you enough. It gives hope in a world full of self-centeredness, and casual indifference. From my husband and myself, THANK YOU.

[Alex Brecher 10,494]

CanyonBaby, I am so sorry about this story. Most medical professionals are so wonderful and their hearts really are in the right places. When they’re not, the consequences are so awful. Going to a medical procedure of any kind is hard because of the nerves and whatever prep you have to do beforehand ((like starving yourself). Then there are the inevitable wait times…which may be necessary and unpredictable due to other patients’ needs, but which still can wreck your whole day.

And finally, the absolutely unnecessary part – when you are not treated with respect. It is so sad because most doctors and nurses and other staff really care and do a tremendous job, especially given their super busy schedules. I am sorry you had this experience, and I am glad you have the option not to use this hospital again.

[Elode 8,093]

I'm sorry you felt bad but are you sure they were really repulsed by you? That's really surprising to me, being in the medical field myself we see TONS of Crap on A daily basis that would blow some peoples minds. Scars wouldn't even phase me. I guess if she was brand new to the scene maybe? That's so strange. Maybe she just has a perma-bitch Face and it's very gentle. Try not to take much offense to it. Maybe she was just having a really bad day. It's not a good excuse to Make people feel uncomfortable but it happens in any profession. Good thing it over huh! Trust me I don't even know what your body looks like but I can tell you it's nothing compared to a 3rd degree burn victim that's burned over 70% of their body. I'm sure your beautiful just the way you are

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Elode @@Alex Brecher

That crazy day is behind me, thank Goodness. Now for the crazy days ahead; my husband and I will have to endure that place at least one more time, as our hospitals are linked together in this city. Since my husband will need many tests for his issues, they will be passing us around from hospital to hospital. Can't wait. However, the particular person that I had to deal with won't be there, as his issues aren't heart-related. Yay for that!

I thank you heartily for your concerns and kindnesses. It has been a very hard day for my husband, having to attend a fellow officer's funeral. Plus sitting there all the while worried about his own issues. I have never seen him scared before, it is new to both of us.

Thanks, all, for your continuing prayers, they are most welcomed and needed. Bless you all......

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'll offer from our experience -- the several weeks it will probably (?) take to complete your husband's diagnosis (second opinions, biopsies, more scans, consultations and the treatment decisions you will have to make) may be the worst part of the journey for you both. Once my husband finally started treatment, it felt like we were finally had a plan and were making progress. Up to that point, it was just exhausting!

I meditate sporadically (not the right way, eh?), but I made a point during those early months to do so more regularly. Breathing deeply and slowly, if you don't meditate, can help tremendously. The tension in your body will just wear you out if you don't unwind it.

In ... out ... in ... out ....

[abbyg 2]

Good Lord! Don't let that moron have rent free space in your head! You are not the cause of HER issues! Let it go. You know who YOU are...why do you care what SHE thinks? It's just not important! I, too, am covered in scars from many surgeries, but I don't give a darn what others think. I am a survivor. All you can do is pray for that person to not have to go through what you did because she wouldn't have stood a chance at going through what you went through.

God never gives a cross that we cannot carry. Some of us are just a lot stronger so we get the bigger burdens.

Make peace with it.

Love,

Abby

[Babbs 14,680]

@@CanyonBaby

Were you at the funeral of the officer shot in Northern Idaho?

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Babbs

No, my husband is a federal officer, and civilians are not allowed to ride in the government rigs. He took his rig, and his boss was with him. And to tell you the truth (I watched the funeral on the internet), I don't think I could have got through it without losing control, as I am rather stressed out right now.

The funeral was in Coeur d'Alene, and there were hundreds in attendance. What a wonderful tribute. It is so nice to see the support for our fellow law enforcement officers. They do so much, and are under so much stress, and it seems they get very little recognition for their efforts. Most law enforcement officers are such decent people, and the public knows so little of what they really endure, day in and day out. Unfortunately, it seems funerals are the only way for the public to show support.

Where in Idaho are you located? We are in the Spokane, WA area.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@VSGAnn2014

As my husband has quite a blockage in his intestine, he probably won't have a lot of time before having surgery. His 2nd colonoscopy is on Tuesday, and an MRI is for Thursday. It IS exhausting, but the worst part is the uncertainty of it all. He is trying to be so brave and strong, and so am I, but it still shows. He has never been sick (other than colds) or had surgery before, so this is so new to him. He IS mortal, afterall! He just didn't know it until this week. It is sad to see him face that reality. Superman is just a man. Granted a great one, but still a man. Human.

Your advice is most welcome, and I shall try hard to heed it. You just get going in all directions, and things get out of control in a hurry. Take time to breathe! We will go out on the Harley this late afternoon, and try and find a little of that peace. But first, we must trim the dogs faces of hair, and give them a bath...much needed! Thanks so much for your kind words...they mean sooooo much!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@abbyg

Thank you so much for your caring and kind words. I must keep in mind what you say, although my burden will never be as big as a cross. And I, too, am a believer of God never giving us more than we can handle. It just SEEMS that way, sometimes, especially when so many things come at once, and are such a surprise. All these years, with all the surgeries I have had, have been a way to prepare not only me for this, but for me to be able to tell my husband what he can expect with surgery, and perhaps help prepare him for what is to come.

I pray everyday, many times throughout the day, for God to relieve us of this burden, and if it is His Will, it shall be done. If not, He is with us every step of the way, strengthening us for the next step. Sometimes it is a blind step, but it is a guided one. Thank you for caring enough to step a little on our path, and give us comfort. Bless you....

[Babbs 14,680]

@@Babbs

No, my husband is a federal officer, and civilians are not allowed to ride in the government rigs. He took his rig, and his boss was with him. And to tell you the truth (I watched the funeral on the internet), I don't think I could have got through it without losing control, as I am rather stressed out right now.

The funeral was in Coeur d'Alene, and there were hundreds in attendance. What a wonderful tribute. It is so nice to see the support for our fellow law enforcement officers. They do so much, and are under so much stress, and it seems they get very little recognition for their efforts. Most law enforcement officers are such decent people, and the public knows so little of what they really endure, day in and day out. Unfortunately, it seems funerals are the only way for the public to show support.

Where in Idaho are you located? We are in the Spokane, WA area.

Boise You're just a hop, skip and a jump from me..

I saw some of it on the news. So heartbreaking.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Babbs

We like Boise; my husband gets down there from time to time, for work. I haven't been there for a few years, now, but Dave goes through everytime he heads down to Burning Man (Nevada) or Little Sahara (Utah) for work details. Whenever you are up here, if you do, let me know...we could meet up! That would be fun!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

And serendipitously, my hubby is retired P.D.

And yes, re the cops being (mostly) good guys. Law enforcement is such a tough gig!