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Two years ago my husband and my preschooler signed my birthday card IN FRONT OF ME. Yeah, once we left the restaurant (his favorite, not mine) and our son was in bed he got one hell of a talking to. Last year's birthday went MUCH better.

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I've tried offering up mine for free too and so far no takers????

Guess I'll keep him. After almost 27 years of marriage it's just far too much to even think about having to train yet another one

Edited by fat_free

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I am ready to offer mine up. He is clueless and self-centered, but not in the normal way. I don't even know how to explain it, but I am so angry with him right now, I can't speak, I have nothing nice to say to him.

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Jenbaby75:

I think many men have a mild to severe form of Aspergers Syndrome. I am not kidding. Read the symptoms online. They can be great and intelligent people but have problems forming and keeping emotional relationships. They can't "read" people.

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I had to look up the symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome to see if I have them.???????????? Nope, not me.

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I would suggest reading "The Five Love Languages", figure out your language, then TELL your husband how to speak it, and make him practice.

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Well now you know what to wish for when you blow out the candles (if you get a cake) ;)

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I heard Wal-Mart accepts men as returns after Christmas!! ;-)

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Years ago, my husband told me that it's a mistake (generally) to think that men are complicated.

He also suggested that when I want him to do X that I simply tell him to do X--but not expect him to make observations and interpret those observations to arrive at the conclusion that I want him to do X.

He said that men are just not that smart.

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Jeez where di you gals find these guys??I would never forget an anniversary, birthdate, heck if i dont tell my wife i love her at least 10 times a day i feel bad. I cannot imagine not being attentive and supporting. were going on our soon to be 17th anniversary in april, and ill never stop being good. im sorry for you gals.

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Happy belated birthday!

We're going on 35+ years together, and many guys (not all! I have my eye on you, @Stevehud) have to be told exactly what to do. I've had some major meltdowns in our marriage, but if I gave constructive criticism with detailed notes on What Exactly Is Expected, things got done. Here's my notes:

Don't hint or expect something to get done. They're not mind readers. Assign chores, remind them of important dates until they've got it down, and encourage helpfulness. I've found that my husband likes doing certain things and takes pride in them, so I praise him to the skies every once in a while.

Be specific, but nice: "Could you put the dishes away" is clearer than "Tidy up the kitchen." "Take out the garbage, please" is better than "Is the can beginning to smell?"

Guilting doesn't work well on the men in my life. It must be a woman thing. (*sigh*)

Don't let them get away with whining or getting angry or growling. As someone much wiser than me said in another topic, if you accept a behavior, people won't change. And so, you have to be willing to have some major fights now and then. A doormat is for wiping your feet on. A pissed-off woman is a force to be reckoned with.

If your guy says or does something that gets you mad, say so, but in a way that is not hostile, but helpful. "You know, honey, I'd appreciate it if you didn't monitor my food. I know you mean well, but you're getting on my last nerve."

Anyway, those are my two cents. Sometimes a refurbished husband can turn out to be a gem, so don't give up hope!

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    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
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    • LeighaTR

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    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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