I'm done telling folks. They don't get it

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

hi! This thread has gotten a little bit of attention, and I have enjoyed reading everyone's comments. My sister. oh lordy. I called my Mom yesterday to check in, make sure she's ok (she's 85 and has had some pain in her hip and won't see a doctor) Mom said she's ok, she sounded great, we talked about her day, then she said she had talked to my sister earlier who said her daughter in law has a friend who recently had this surgery and can't stop throwing up. I said "ok, Mom. This is why I didn't want to discuss it with anyone. So, from now on, no more discussion about my upcoming surgery, or my doctors and my decision to do this to improve my health and wellbeing". For crying out loud! I have a great support system with my hubs and my son, and good friends plus great work friends. AND there's the support group at the Bariatric center of excellence I go to, as well. I don't really need my sisters input. She is not a supporter, She is a negative nelly. (she is my older sister too, so it's not like she's a kid. She's 59 years old!!)

[FinallyFit50s 202]

@@Mumsicle -I laughed so hard reading your post. Both my mom AND sister work at the largest hospital in the area (Western MA). Knowing that they are not supportive, I chose the smaller Catholic hospital so that there is NO chance they will know anything unless/until I am ready to tell them. I agree with some others-I may be pretty open with most things, but this is about ME, my decision, my life.

I am not telling the rest of my family or many friends either. My mother has been on diets since I was a child and is obese, my sister was the "thin" one that I was always compared to. I don't want to hear their comments or objections. Only my daughter who lives with me knows. I told a few close friends last year that I was looking into WLS. One tried to talk me out of it saying that if I would just eat grilled chicken and veggies, I'd lose the weight. Duh, let's see-I've done Jenny Craig, Nutrisytem, Optifast, Atkins, Slimfast, Richard Simmons, Southbeach and a ton of others. It's not the losing weight that has been the problem, it's losing the weight and keeping it OFF. Every time I lost weight I'd regain it and add at least 10 pounds MORE. I can't keep doing this.

Only a couple of my Weight Watchers friends whom I met in 2007, are very supportive.

@@AquariusDiva, @HealthArtLove- sometimes family are the worst. I think they like seeing us miserable, as we are easier to keep down. I say NO MORE! I am beginning to understand how the folks I've listened to on podcasts have changed. Old ways are gone. Negative people, gone or relegated to the back burner (family?!) Healthy habits and healthy relationships are more important.

[alwaysvegas 702]

OK, I'll admit it to all of you. I've had gastric sleeve weight loss surgery.

There, I feel better.

I actually have opened many peoples' eyes to the benefits of the surgery: friends, co-workers, and family. Many people have misconceptions about the surgery (or confuse it with other WLS). I do explain the life-changes I made and that it'll be a lifelong process, but I think most everybody understands where I'm coming from even if the surgery isn't right for them.

Overall, if my telling one person motivates them to have the surgery and potentially saves their life...that's worth any bit of negativity (which I really haven't experienced much of) that I might endure.

And I'm not judging anyone here for their choice to tell or not. I wish you all the best of luck with your surgeries and continued success!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@Mumsicle -I laughed so hard reading your post. Both my mom AND sister work at the largest hospital in the area (Western MA). Knowing that they are not supportive, I chose the smaller Catholic hospital so that there is NO chance they will know anything unless/until I am ready to tell them. I agree with some others-I may be pretty open with most things, but this is about ME, my decision, my life.

I am not telling the rest of my family or many friends either. My mother has been on diets since I was a child and is obese, my sister was the "thin" one that I was always compared to. I don't want to hear their comments or objections. Only my daughter who lives with me knows. I told a few close friends last year that I was looking into WLS. One tried to talk me out of it saying that if I would just eat grilled chicken and veggies, I'd lose the weight. Duh, let's see-I've done Jenny Craig, Nutrisytem, Optifast, Atkins, Slimfast, Richard Simmons, Southbeach and a ton of others. It's not the losing weight that has been the problem, it's losing the weight and keeping it OFF. Every time I lost weight I'd regain it and add at least 10 pounds MORE. I can't keep doing this.

Only a couple of my Weight Watchers friends whom I met in 2007, are very supportive.

@@AquariusDiva, @HealthArtLove- sometimes family are the worst. I think they like seeing us miserable, as we are easier to keep down. I say NO MORE! I am beginning to understand how the folks I've listened to on podcasts have changed. Old ways are gone. Negative people, gone or relegated to the back burner (family?!) Healthy habits and healthy relationships are more important.

What podcast? I'm always on the hunt for good ones. I like Tips of the scale and Life Changing Stories.

[juicy35 2]

I think in the back of some of the haters minds they feel u will become a threat to them.

[FinallyFit50s 202]

@@JustWatchMe the website is ObesityCoverage.com. I liked that as it is here, there are real stories with the good, bad and ugly- truth.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Thanks I'll check it out.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

.

Edited February 2, 2015 by JustWatchMe

[teacherlady2133 258]

I told only my family at first and one girlfriend...then people started asking about all the doctor appointments and if was I ok.. Told them I was fine just getting my health in order... Now after losing 150 pounds it sort of is a topic.. I am a teacher, so people that knew me heavy are always commenting on how nice I look.. And how thin I am getting.. New teachers who just met me are the ones asking... Why is everyone commenting on your weight..

I finally told them because last year I was 150 pounds heavier... I didn't say how I am doing it and it is fine if behind my back they talk..

I love how you know they want to ask, but don't... I think it is how you carry yourself and address comments and statements... If asked I would tell them... I love my choice and my progress I have about 30 pounds to go...

Best conversation about weight loss came from another teacher... She walked up to me and said,"I know you have lost weight and I wanted to say congrats...I always think it is nice to tell others you notice their hard work." I said," thank you" And she walked away...classy, real classy....I hope I can give others complements like that....

Edited February 2, 2015 by teacherlady2133

[Karunch 10]

Just read through all the posts in this discussion, and I'm glad that I'm not the only person going through something like this. When I had told my Mom that I was looking into revision surgery a few months ago she was anything but supportive. According to her I should be able to lose weight on my own if I really tried, I just need to go to the gym and exercise more, I'm just looking for another a quick fix, The band didn't work so this probably won't either, etc.

Now that I actually have made up my mind to have the band taken out and revise to the VSG, I'm thinking that I'm probably just not going to tell her until after the fact. I've kept off 75 lbs with the band, but I still need to lose 125 or so more. I'm not getting any younger (turning 35 this summer) and I need to get healthier, so I need to do something. I've decided my health is more important then any issues my relatives may or may not have about surgery.

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@@Karunch Good for you! You know what you want, and you can do it! It's your decision. People are so funny, aren't they? They just think they know what's best for YOU. And that you cannot make the right decision for YOURSELF. You, my friend, are WORTH it. Take care of yourself!! That's what it's all about!

Edited February 5, 2015 by wannaBthinsoon

[Possum87 6]

I made the decision a long time before deciding to go ahead with surgery not to tell anyone unless there was a reason the HAD to know. My husband and I strayed from that rule once, got bitten, then never again told anyone. The only people that know are out bosses and his brother and sister-in-law. The person I told was my best friend.

Unfortunately there still just way too much stigma and negative connotations that go along with the surgery. You can't put yourself in a situation where you could potentially become disheartened and sad because of something someone said. Don't throw yourself under that bus. Just keep the secret to yourself and keep your emotional and mental strength safe.

Best of luck! Xx

[Jovie62 135]

I've told my mom and sister 's. They are just as excited for me as I am. My mom told me she would help anyway she could and take me shopping for new clothes when I was ready! She's 83 full of energy and loves to shop! My husband and kids know (18 & 20) and they are also very supportive. They've seen me struggle w joint pain especially knee arthritis. As far as work only my boss and one other person. When they ask I just tell the I'm having surgery to help my knee. Which is basically true.