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Im so torn on what to do.



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My sleeve surgery is in January. My 6 year old son heard me and my husband talking about my surgery and he started crying uncontrollably.

Begging me not to have surgery not to go to the hospital.

Im so guilt ridden, my main concern is my children if any problems should happen while having surgery or after.

I constant thoughts are should I put myself and my kids through this and risk a serious complication?

Or,

Should I go ahead with it? Should I try another attempt at dieting? Im so over loaded that Im depressing myself, and on the verge of having a crying fit when ever my son asks about it.

So torn, what to do. ????

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Would you let your six-year-old's reaction to another major surgery determine what you would do?

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He is six. Easily distracted and comforted. Won't you be going to hospital to give birth, etc. How does a six year old make you reconsider surgery?

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He's six. Hospitals are scary to six year olds as are many other things. A child of that age typically has no basis to rationalize something as major as this, so their response will of course be fraught with fear, accompanied by lots of tears. They also cry and are irrational when they can't have ice cream or a toy at the store.

Comfort him and move forward with your plans. You sound as though you have prepared yourself for this and have a good support system in place (your husband). You'll be fine!

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I was willing to risk the possible complications over the idea of allowing my children watch me die slowly due to obesity.

My quality of life is so much better and we have more fun together. I am no longer exhausted after a day of activity. I can fit into any ride at the amusement park, I don't worry about weight limits when we go zip lining or rock climbing, and I am the first one to suggest a mud run or a day of tubing on the river.

I wish I hadn't wasted so much of their childhood obese. That's a huge regret for me.

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Exactly its major surgery. But an optional one. If I dont go ahead with it risks of complications of surgery are nill.

Who wouldn't feel guilty that they may leave their kids motherless?

I gave birth and was out of the hospital in 6 hours with my second son.

If I had to have life saving surgery from illness then you simply can not reconsider it. But as I have no other illness apart from being Fat, I don't consider this an urgent life or death surgery. So their is always thoughts of re considering.

Others who have significant illness with obesity may think differently.

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How old are you, how tall are you and how much do you weigh?

Edited by VSGAnn2014

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I was totally a "healthy fat". I did martial arts, I huffed and puffed my fat ass through the park, up the dunes, through 5ks. I had no co-morbidities. I was a master at faking it and just dealing quietly with the pain that was starting in my knees and feet.

It wasn't until I lost 100+ pounds that I figured out what I was really missing.

You should not do this until you are ready and as you don't feel this is urgent for you, I agree that the time might not be right for you. Only you can decide that. You will know when you are ready and NO ONE will be able to change your mind.

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Obesity like cigarettes kill you slowly, I know I smoked for a long time and have been heavy all my life. In my twenties no problems I felt invincible in my forties Heart disease X 2 stents, High blood pressure, sleep apnea,knocking on diabetes door oh and also I take more medicine than I care to count. I have two young sons and I constantly think about what can go wrong with my surgery and than I think about how I can have a stroke or heart attack without the surgery for me it's a no brainer I want to be around as long as the good Lord let's me. Life is short nothing wrong with trying to make the most of what we've got. Good luck on your decision!

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My son would be the same exact way *if not* for seeing me "survive" an appendectomy earlier this year. (He was six at the time and the biggest Mommy's boy you have ever met!) It did shake him up quite a bit, but he got over it.

So a few months later when I had a hysterectomy, he did great again. Now he is not worried at all about the sleeve surgery next week. He knows the benefits, that I will be able to do more fun stuff with him and the family, so he's looking forward to it.

Reconsider the probabilities of death due to surgery and the complications of being overweight. That should make your decision much easier.

mom2kandh

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I was "healthy fat" until I wasn't. It hit me like a ton of bricks and the co-mordbidities started piling up. Arthritis, a knee that went hinky but they wouldn't work on it due to my weight, sleep apnea, borderline blood pressure. No diabetes, but my fasting blood sugar was creeping into the upper 90s...

I have some regret that I would have been a better, more energetic, happier, better socially adjusted mom if I had been somewhere near normal size during their childhood. I have more than some regret, I actually feel some guilt.

My kids are young adults. I show them my before pics from time to time and it makes them both sad. I see it in their eyes. They remember the embarrassment, the mom who couldn't/didn't want to do many activities even though i tried. They both tell me that they don't remember me like that - like it was a stranger in that photo.

If your obesity isn't hurting you, isn't impacting your life in a negative way, I am guessing WLS isn't really the right thing at this time. It is a HUGE committment. You are very unlikely to die from it, but you are VERY likely to find aspects of it very difficult. It is my belief that a person should be pretty much sure this is their last resort so they are motivated to make it work. Lets be serious here... they remove part of your stomach! This is no small little thing in terms of lifetime impact. However, you are very unlikely to die from this and it is a mistake to let a child's fears drive your decision as there are many dimensions to this.

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I was also a "healthy fat" in that I didn't have any co-morbidities"....but if you look at the statistics, at 140 pounds overweight, I had a much lower chance of being around for many, many years for my children.

I have a 6 year old as well, and so I understand the mentality at that age. Surgery seems like a really scary thing for them. And it does have risks. But like others have said, so does living life obese. I will tell you that in the end, my kids have benefited just as much as I have from my weight loss. They got their active mom back. I play at the play park with them, climbing through the tubes, sliding down the slides. We ride bikes and run together. We've gone to amusement parks and I ride with them, I don't sit on the bench waiting anymore. They also have a mom who is learning to love herself and has shown them what is possible if you have a goal and work really, really hard to achieve it.

I can honestly, 100%, say that the journey I've been on for the past 15 months has transformed my whole family. They are eating better, they have cut out the sugary drinks and foods, have become more active with me, and I'm able to love them better as I'm loving myself more.

With all of that said, if you feel in your gut - in your heart of hearts - that it's not the right time, then wait. But if it's truly the response from your son that is giving you pause, you have to trust that you as the parent know what is best in your life wisdom and can weigh the risk and potential benefits not only for you, but for your whole family.

Edited by livvsmum

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Thanks all for the great input. It has gave me loads to think about and consider.

Its been a year since starting all this, and maybe nerves are getting the better of me as it gets closer.

I have always been overweight, my heaviest at age 17. 300+

Ive never known anything different. I only no what fat feels like.

Nothing stops me from doing things with the kids. They are always my number 1 priority. Getting embarrassed at the park never stopped me. But I could feel the stares.

I truly would love to be a healthy size. Not let my kids grow up with a fat mum. Also actually feel nice when dressed up and going out for dinner with hubby.

Always get told what a pretty face I have, usually followed by its a shame your fat. Had that said to me by a complete stranger when I was just 14, and it has stuck with me forever.

I like what was quoted,

you have to trust that you as the parent know what is best in your life.

I need to remember that.

My stats.

Age 28 (29 on 18th dec)

Hw age 17 336 lbs

CW 242 lbs

Height 5.6 ft. ( do you guys use feet as measurements in the US?)

Im still losing weight or maintaining some weeks. I have completely changed my ways with food. No processed all home made. No more snacking on junk but My problem is quantity.

I have had my gall bladder out a few years ago, wonder what the stats are comparing the risks with a sleeve?

Everyone around me does not want me to have surgery. My husband is the only support. I fear the negativity is rubbing off on me.

Thanks again.

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Here is a link to a thread about NSV's, those little non-surgical victories that help you feel like bariatric surgery is worth the angst and inconvenience. Maybe it will help you decide.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/195065-you-know-you-lost-weight-when/page-21?hl=%2Bnsv#entry3548506

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Here is a link to a thread about NSV's, those little non-surgical victories that help you feel like bariatric surgery is worth the angst and inconvenience. Maybe it will help you decide.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/195065-you-know-you-lost-weight-when/page-21?hl=%2Bnsv#entry3548506

Thanks for that link! I never understood what NSV stood for ???? great link, definitely motivating.

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