I have had a battle all my life. However, it got worse after my 20's. I am 40 now and I still struggle with my weight. How it makes me feel and all the health issues that come along with it. I am so tired of living this way and I finally made the decision to go for the sleeve surgery in June. I am in the pre-surgery stage and I am finally reaching my last 6th nutrionist appt and already did my psych eval. This means my next step is to wait for the approval, pre-ops and then schedule the surgery. I am assuming it will be in late January 2015.

Since it is getting closer, I admit I am getting cold feet. I am scared of hospitals, surgeries, and scared that I will go through all of this and fail once again. I failed all my life at dieting. I am an emotional eater and I know that is a challenge in itself.

I ask myself am I going to survive this post op? Am I going to know how to eat properly? Am I going to find myself wondering, what is okay and not okay to eat. Will I mislead myself? So much on my mind.

I have come a long way and have already invested time and money into this and I cannot back down. If I do, then I am back to square one. Looking at my scale everyday staring at the failure I am. The surgery gives me hope, but am scared.

I welcome any feedback you may have or views.

I have the same fears so don't feel alone.

What you are feeling is absolutely normal. I would be more worried if you weren't somewhat nervous. This is a huge life change you are undertaking. The process isn't always easy. Surgery isn't a miracle cure for obesity. But, if you commit to do what you need to do, it is a very effective tool. You are among friends here. We all understand the challenges. Come here for support and keep up the good work! You can do this!

I thought of running out up until the very last minute. All of your feelings are normal and valid.

I'm just 8 weeks out so things still seem "new" but I will say that every day you become more and more "you." Just a new you

Recovery wasn't bad at all for me. Just follow the steps, take care of yourself and know you'll be just fine.

It's like you're being reborn, so to say, a new life, a new start. Don't look at what you HAVE done. Look FORWARD to what you are going to do and accomplish.

Surround yourself with all the tools you may need.

You can do this!!!!!!!!!!!

I am pretty much doing this on my own. The only people that know about this is my boss (supportive), sister (non supportive of surgery) and my BF and he is on the fence about it.

I try not to talk about it to anyone, because all people do is criticize. They would say I am taking the easy way out. Others have said it will fail because it failed others.

I guess I think....am I going to go through all this, just to lose my hair, get sickly, flabby, and just be able to eat a tablespoon worth of food.

I am just expressing what is on my mind...

I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully this forum can channel some word of wisdom. God bless you!

I recommend the book, "Emotional First Aid" (the bariatric one) by Cynthia Alexander. It helped me change my relationship with food. For me, the restriction of the sleeve helps restrict calories and stop the need to constantly diet, without much to show for it. I firmly believe this tool will help you out too.

I recommend the book, "Emotional First Aid" (the bariatric one) by Cynthia Alexander. It helped me change my relationship with food. For me, the restriction of the sleeve helps restrict calories and stop the need to constantly diet, without much to show for it. I firmly believe this tool will help you out too.

Thank you, I will definitely look it up.

it is so worth it even if you are not a fast loser. yes, I would do it over, and I also would go thru childbirth again for my daughter. good things require an investment.

@

I felt such a connection when I read your post- it could have been me writing it! I also have been overweight my entire life.

I always wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't lose weight... What I have learned and the medical community supports-- is that obesity is a disease not a lifestyle choice. After all, who would choose it???

Failure to maintain a normal body weight does not mean you are weak or lazy, it means you have a disease! So how to treat? Like most diseases there are numerous levels of severity. Diet and exercise along with behavioral modification may work for some. However, I think with the more severe cases, surgery should be considered.

For me, I am a nurse by trade, and knew that I would not have a good outcome if I did not take action. I already have knee arthritis and was more terrified of a being disabled or dying young than going through surgery. I just had my surgery last week. Did I want to have it? HECK NO! Did I need to have it? Yes.

One of my nurse friends helped me when I was ready to back out the day before surgery. She asked me how many times I had tried to lose weight. Then she asked over the course of how many years. Finally she asked what my results were. At that point she advised me to consider my past efforts and results and make a decision based on the facts rather than emotion. Looking at it objectively really helped.

I am so glad the surgery is behind me and not in front of me. I have lost 5 pounds in the first 5 days since surgery and am recouperating. I am still afraid that this may fail also, however, I have decided to remain positive and work towards being the healthiest me possible.

Good Luck on your journey!

I definitely felt the same way and had a total freak out a couple of weeks before surgery. However, I can honestly say that it was the best decision I ever made for myself and my health. It was hard work, but SO, SO worth it.

I say the same thing about the failure but am assured that i am worrying for nothing if i flew the plan i will lose ......and lose then I will. My surgery is scheduled 17th never had a surgery but had kids and i know i can do this and do can you

Hands down the best decision of my life. I had a lot of fears too...mostly that I would fail or wouldn't lose weight the way I thought I would. It's actually a very minor procedure. My surgeon had told me gall bladder surgery is more risky. You definitely have to understand the risks of the surgery, but the odds of something actually happening are under 1%. If you allow it to, the surgery WILL change your life. You can't see it as a diet, or a quick fix to getting the weight off. It does require work from you. You still have to make good food choices, you still have to exercise, and you have to find new habits to replace your bad eating ones. I ate when I was bored or wanted to relax. So I found new things to do with my hands instead of eating. I started to learn how to knit, I wrote, I learned how to do make up a lot better. Just different things to keep my mind off food.

Struggling with food is going to be a life long things for us. I asked my nutritionist about why we do, and there isn't really a clear answer. We don't always have something to pin point in on, but this surgery gives us an amazing tool to fight back and overcome. You just having to make the choice every day to do so.

You're already off to a great start by posting on here! Having support is key. Just remember- nothing about this can be as scary as your life bring cut short because of your health.

I am sending you lots of luck as you make the next step on your journey. Congratulations!!

@

I felt such a connection when I read your post- it could have been me writing it! I also have been overweight my entire life.

I always wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't lose weight... What I have learned and the medical community supports-- is that obesity is a disease not a lifestyle choice. After all, who would choose it???

Failure to maintain a normal body weight does not mean you are weak or lazy, it means you have a disease! So how to treat? Like most diseases there are numerous levels of severity. Diet and exercise along with behavioral modification may work for some. However, I think with the more severe cases, surgery should be considered.

For me, I am a nurse by trade, and knew that I would not have a good outcome if I did not take action. I already have knee arthritis and was more terrified of a being disabled or dying young than going through surgery. I just had my surgery last week. Did I want to have it? HECK NO! Did I need to have it? Yes.

One of my nurse friends helped me when I was ready to back out the day before surgery. She asked me how many times I had tried to lose weight. Then she asked over the course of how many years. Finally she asked what my results were. At that point she advised me to consider my past efforts and results and make a decision based on the facts rather than emotion. Looking at it objectively really helped.

I am so glad the surgery is behind me and not in front of me. I have lost 5 pounds in the first 5 days since surgery and am recouperating. I am still afraid that this may fail also, however, I have decided to remain positive and work towards being the healthiest me possible.

Good Luck on your journey!

Thank you samuelsmom for reaching out to me. I am glad you connected to what I said. Trust me, it takes a lot for me to open up on the internet.

I always did feel I have this mysterious disease that no doctor can figure out and it is causing my weight gain. Like something from syfy, I swear.

I know I have bad habits I need to break, and the fact that I sit all day in a cubicle is what has contributed the most to my weight gain. I started doing walks on my 15 min break just to avoid cankles from hell. (No kidding!)

I am with you there, I really don't want to do it. Why? Well first I am scared of medical procedures. I work in the health insurance business for 14 yrs and have heard it all. So yes, I am little scared to step in a hospital and into the hands of the power that be. But also I am mad at myself that I had to resort to surgery just because I haven't had the will power to do it on my own. That alone makes me get mad at myself. Like I failed myself.

I know time is getting closer, so I am on an emotional roller coaster ride right now.

I know the surgery will make me feel much better about myself. My boyfriend keeps telling me that he knows me and I am not going to fail after this surgery. He feels because I have invested so much already and after i cut up my organs, he feels I would do everything my power not to screw it up.

I guess he trust me more than I trust myself.

I have to learn and find the will power and overall it is work in progress.

Thank you for understanding.

I looked at like this...all the years of failed dieting and now I'm 40. Had high blood pressure, constantly sweating, sleep apnea, etc. It was life or death for me, that's how I look at it. I figured if I didn't commit to do it, I'd be dead in 5 or 10 years. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am down 49 pounds since Sept. 15th. I don't have to take blood pressure meds anymore and my colitis is in remission. It is scary before the surgery, my food was like a friend, and you will mourn it. But you'll be happier and healthier for it. And alive. You can do it! Trust me, it is so worth it!!!

Edited November 25, 201411 yr by NewKaren