Keeping it a secret? Anyone else

[Dualstarr 104]

I am 34 and have a daughter that is 5. I just re-started my classes through Kaiser (had to start over after going though a divorce and losing insurance). Anyways, My mom has recently decided to move back to California and will be living with me for a few months until she can find a place on her own. This just happens to be happing during the time I plan on having my surgery

I ran the idea past her about 2 years ago when I was first considering it and lets just say she was no way near supportive. Now that I have decided to go through with it I don't plan on telling her. I had planned on going to a hotel or something for the first few days to a week until I can heal up but I'm wondering what I'm going to do to explain of my new eating habits?

The good thing is my surgery will be right around the new year so it will be easy to explain the weight loss off as a "new years resolution"...like all the ones I have made in the past lol. I just don't know how to explain why I'm eating like a rabbit lol

Anyone out there not tell a soul? I plan on relying on support groups and a meet up group I found online.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Put a treadmill or exercise bike in your living room and start using it pre-op. When you start your pre-op diet, you can just tell her you are tired of being overweight and have decided to be more responsible about your health and lifestyle. Then after your surgery, she will aready be used to your effortsand not be so surprised that you are losing weight. I heard this said from a pulpit a long time ago when media was hanging around because of an issue with some members. The pastor said that when the media comes around snooping for details just keep in mind that "You don't have to lie; just don't tell everything you know!"

[Elode 8,093]

@@Dualstarr Hello! Do you not want to tell her or are you just worried about her reaction again? That's a hard one because she's in your home and it stinks that you won't be able to recover in the comforts of your own home. I don't know what you could tell her? If she's anything like my momma she's going to know something's up! You may have meds, weird eating habits...I mean A really weird diet in the beginning even for a "dieter" lol! Moms are just hard! I would be on edge constantly because I know my mom would defiantly catch on With my luck she would see my scars somehow and KNOW something's happened. Hummmm I'm not very helpful am I?! I'm sorry I'm trying to think of ideas without telling your mom something dishonest. Well I guess even if she does find out she can't ground you and your too old to spank! There's your bright side!!! Good luck girl!

[Dualstarr 104]

"too old to spank" this actually cracked me up lol Yeah I know this is the case, I just kinda don't want to tell anyone. I'm sure if i told her she just wouldn't be supportive and any weight I did lose would be because I "had surgery" mind you my mom is over weight too.

I woud like to lean on my BFF but she is a major health but (former bulimic). She has always encouraged me to work out with her (which I would love to do). I feel it would make our friendship stronger. I mean where close but bit as close as we used to be because I don't run marathons, go to the gym or do cross-fit. I can't wait to be able to do these things with her and not feel like the fat cow.

I just feel like people woud be more accepting if they think I did it without the help. It's not fair but I know the people around me

I had surgery last year for something totally different and was just thinking of telling her the problem came back and I have to have surgery again...

When people ask me how I lost my weight I just planned on saying I changed my eatting habits and started working out...thats not a lie

[shellyd88 463]

Hi this is just my opinion you are an adult u made a decision to make your self healthier I'm sure a big part of your decision was your child she doesn't have to agree with or like it but she does have to respect it and u should be able to depend on her support in your time of need and be able to recuperate in the comfort of your own home without conflict if for no other reason than the sake of her grandchild

[Sophie139 38]

Hello!!!! You can just tell her after you've had the surgery. What is going to do? Unsleeve your tummy??? It may sound like she is being un supportive because she may be unhappy with herself. She knows that with the surgery you'll be successful and downplaying your weight loss could be a coping mechanism for her. You are about to go on this new journey for yourself, your future and well begin. During this time you may have to become a little bit selfish and focus on you and your daughter. You have an entire online community to lean on. You're being given a precious tool to help you become healthy, embrace it and everything that comes with it!! You got this!!!

[gigim84 34]

I am not telling anyone but my mom boyfriend and two teenage daughter's they all know not to tell. I had planned on this a long time ago and ppl were very rude said it's easy way out grr I am currently working hard to lose this weight not just sitting back till my surgery date. It bothers me my family won't support me but as long as my mom and man I love will help me and my girls will keep it quiet then I think I will do better. No room for negative ppl during this time. My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage so I can always use it as an excuse for my weight loss

[Noragretz 28]

I told maybe 5 people. My oldest is 20 and she knows, and three co workers. My youngest is 12 and he doesn't know. My ex husband doesn't know, but I needed him to watch his son while I was having surgery. So I lied. I said I was having part of my gut removed. My son was asking questions so he thinks it was part of my large intestine (colon resection) And I had special eating requirements post surgery, so my son questioned everything if it was safe for me to eat that. (He helped me stay on track) I'm about 12 weeks out and he just thinks I'm dieting now. (It's perfect because I never finish and he is starving and wants my food too!)

But yes your post surgery diet is going to be a dead give away, if a 12 yr old boy notices, your mom is going to notice for sure.

[Mz. NuNu 19]

I only told my favorite cousin, because she is banded and my best friend. I am also afraid of the reaction that I will get from others. However, I have made a decision to be a healthier me. My little white lie is, I have been complaining about stomach pains and nausea, telling my family & friends that I might have to have surgery to remove my gallbladder. I am working toward a December 29 th surgery date. Good luck @@Dualstarr!

[Noragretz 28]

@@Mz. NuNu. Yes I had diverticulitis and 4 ulcers so having part of my gut removed played right into my "tummy" pains and troubles that I'd been having for over the last year along with all the medicine I had been taking for my tummy problems. I didn't want to say gallbladder though because that could still happen.

[going2servive 36]

It was pretty easy for me because my only living family is a sister and a husband. But I decided to not share with friends or anyone else. No matter who they are to you, people seem to think crappy opinions need to be dished out. I've had one negative person comment already about my weight lose and I just said, I've taken action to lose weight and be healthier.

[BeautifullyCreated1982 168]

I am 34 and have a daughter that is 5. I just re-started my classes through Kaiser (had to start over after going though a divorce and losing insurance). Anyways, My mom has recently decided to move back to California and will be living with me for a few months until she can find a place on her own. This just happens to be happing during the time I plan on having my surgery

I ran the idea past her about 2 years ago when I was first considering it and lets just say she was no way near supportive. Now that I have decided to go through with it I don't plan on telling her. I had planned on going to a hotel or something for the first few days to a week until I can heal up but I'm wondering what I'm going to do to explain of my new eating habits?

The good thing is my surgery will be right around the new year so it will be easy to explain the weight loss off as a "new years resolution"...like all the ones I have made in the past lol. I just don't know how to explain why I'm eating like a rabbit lol

Anyone out there not tell a soul? I plan on relying on support groups and a meet up group I found online.

I'm in a similar circumstance. My mom is super opinionated and sorta cynical. Lol. Family is important, but they have thier own views and will not always agree with our decisions. And its ok. Everyone including us has the right to go for what we want! As long as you know your doing it for the right reasons. I would tell her. Let her know that it's important to you and how much it would mean to have her support you especially during recovery. You shouldn't have to go to a hotel. God forbid that something went wrong in surgery, your mother wouldn't be able to figive herself of not knowing and not having the choice to be supportive because she was in the dark. Good luck! you can do it!

[NaomiAus 104]

That is a really hard position for you to be in, we need all the support we can get during this period.

I so far have only told my mum, and she has been my rock, coming to all my appointments with me and planning for me and my puppy stay with her while I recover.

I agree with the some of the other people saying that if she is staying with you she should be supportive and help you, and not telling her until after you've had the surgery could be a good idea, she then really had no choice because it's all done.

I do love the "New Years resolution" explanation idea, that made my smile. Hopefully when it comes down to it she will support you because let's face it, you are doing something to improve your health and help you live a long and healthy life and she can't be upset with that

[jmscout6 27]

You can't control how anyone reacts.... I've only told my parents ( my mom is from NYC, so she probably told the while neighborhood, I truly don't care)my husband and kids... To me it's not a secret, but a personal choice for me to be healthier.... Are you ok hiding in a hotel room after surgery? You may want to sit down and TELL not ask, her what you've chosen to do in order for you to be healthier...don't go seeking her approval, you may not get it, that's her issue.... But don't hide! This is the beginning of your next chapter!!!! ❤️

[Skywalker 170]

I am 34 and have a daughter that is 5. I just re-started my classes through Kaiser (had to start over after going though a divorce and losing insurance). Anyways, My mom has recently decided to move back to California and will be living with me for a few months until she can find a place on her own. This just happens to be happing during the time I plan on having my surgery

I ran the idea past her about 2 years ago when I was first considering it and lets just say she was no way near supportive. Now that I have decided to go through with it I don't plan on telling her. I had planned on going to a hotel or something for the first few days to a week until I can heal up but I'm wondering what I'm going to do to explain of my new eating habits?

The good thing is my surgery will be right around the new year so it will be easy to explain the weight loss off as a "new years resolution"...like all the ones I have made in the past lol. I just don't know how to explain why I'm eating like a rabbit lol

Anyone out there not tell a soul? I plan on relying on support groups and a meet up group I found online.

I've only told husband and two kids, who basically needed to know because they live with me. I haven't told my parents, haven't outright told my co-workers, my brother, etc.

My parents and brother would probably be really supportive, but I didn't want to because I felt this was my own thing and none of their business (we're a dysfunctional family, very long story). My mom has actually been asking me to get a surgery like this for some time and my brother's wife confessed to me she will be getting this surgery. So I know I'm in good company, even if they don't have a clue what I'm doing.

I forbade my husband from telling his family, and will have to Force choke him if he does :-P His father, in particular, is sexist and judgmental, and I absolutely don't feel like fielding his questions/ignorant insinuations as to Why were you so lazy and didn't just diet and exercise? and I don't want my tax dollars to pay for your $XXX procedure, damn Obamacare blah blah blah