When you can't even be honest with yourself

[finediva 979]

"The cr err y

@shellyd88. "The creature I work for".... funny, I feel you girl. Also, trust me your ass will be skinnier, lol

[finediva 979]

"The cr err y

Yeah, please disregard. Crazy phone posted by accident. Ugh!!!!

[happymama2014 206]

Where I work I am the only overweight person. Almost all my peers do cross fit and marathons. There would be no common ground, no communication, no understanding. These peoples whole lives revolve around fitness. You just can't have a conversation about having WLS with people who would not understand or have an open mind to it. Then it's just a debate and I'm not one for that.

For me it would be embarrassing and uncomfortable to say you all can do it on your own but I need surgery. I mentioned last year to two girls that my dr mentioned it as an option to me and immediately I got bad feedback how ones brother had it done and gained all his weight back and she proceeded to say she has no tolerance for people who say they can't lose weight because she knows if they ate right and exercised they could. She's one if the nicer people. That was the last time I ever said a word.

I'm private and don't even want anyone to know but my best friends of because I trust them but only a few support the surgery.

I'm eating less, doing Meal Replacements and exercise and that's all true I'm just leaving out the part about the WLS.

Edited October 20, 2014 by happymama2014

[shellyd88 463]

Fin diva lol it was the ugh nicest way I could describe it without being vulgar

[shellyd88 463]

Oh man now my reply has your name spelled wrong finediva darn fingers!

[Ladiec2 74]

It's not that I'm ashamed at discussing this with anyone. I decided not to tell anyone because it's nobody's business. My personal health is very private and I also don't want to be the topic of discussion at everybody's table. People will then be watching what I eat, what I'm drinking. I've never discussed any previous surgeries and certainly don't feel the need to let everyone in on this one either. I've always been private.

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

The OP made a lot of assumptions about others motivations that I did find offensive. I don't criticize or judge anyones choice on if, when, or how to share their medical procedures and I would appreciate the same. I kept it private at first. I did not need uneducated feedback or to hear about somebody's cousins uncle best friends brother who either died or gained it all back. I also don't want to think I should have to be a poster child for weight loss surgery. I have no obligation to the world on making WLS go mainstream. Did I miss this section in the medical forms?

Don't remember seeing that next to all the other things I signed off on.

Believe it or not some people don't discuss all their medical issues with others whether strangers, family or friends. I don't tell them about my hemorrhoids, varicose veins, heart arrhythmia or breast cancer treatment either. Because it's PRIVATE. And that's not BS.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I am going to try and say only one more thing on this topic and then I am going to move on to more positive threads.

I am absolutely thrilled that so many people are open about their surgery. I am excited that they are excited and that they are so willing to share. I love to see their confidence soar as the pounds drop and if they want to shout how they did it from the rooftops, I will happily hold the ladder.

I am also happy and excited for those who had this procedure done and choose to share only with their loved ones or even just us here on these boards. I have always found those who are able to maintain privacy admirable and extremely trustworthy. Strength is often found in silence.

Either way, the choice we make in this situation is one that is only ours to make. No one has the right to come here and make ANYONE feel bad, guilty or embarrassed about the path they are choosing. None of us should feel guilted into being an "advocate". No one should be bullied into sharing what they hold close about their health. No one should be called names or accused of being a liar. That's shameful and wrong.

I love discussion, I love debate, I love a healthy exchange of ideas. What I do not love is someone coming to a support forum where feelings are fragile, emotions are running high, and some are still unsure about the choices they are making. No one deserves to have their feelings mocked or ridiculed and that is exactly what the OP has done here. It's even more appalling that the OP can be considered a "vet", someone who should understand how difficult this journey can be. I'm still floored that this topic was even started.

[BladeFox 235]

Why is it such a problem with being private? I'm an introvert. I don't want or need everyone in my business!

I like feeling comfortable sharing my personal decisions when I feel it appropriate to share. Not every question, or opportunity to share is the best time to share. Some people want to make a mockery out of your decision and others either don't care while other may need to know. Some people may not ever cross your path again when they ask.

My point is, why share with people in passing or those that are co-workers only. My business is my business. I determine who I want to share my business with and who to keep at arms length. When I am ready to share my business, I wait for the right moment, time and motivation. The end!

[Sassypants92201 76]

I agree with Lexie. I don't spread my business at all. I AM indeed a private person. I don't share my salary, tax bracket, political stance, how much I paid for my house, my credit score. Heck, unless I knew you, personally, you didn't know I was pregnant. My fb friends knew after he was born and his dad tagged me in a pic.

I wouldn't tell anyone if I had heart surgery. What do I look like telling anyone I had weight loss surgery?

And who are you to judge me or anyone else. Shame on you.

[Sassypants92201 76]

Amen LipstickLady! Amen.

[Kitt3000 757]

Wow Kindle, I had no idea how vocal people would be regarding your post- last count 70 replies. Good job getting a discussion going

It has been interesting!

[finediva 979]

@LipstickLady. " I have always found those who are able to maintain privacy admirable and extremely trustworthy. Strength is often found in silence." Thank you.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I posted this in my thread but figured it was relevant here.

Should we "out" all the men who use Viagra? Make them loud and proud? Maybe women who need lubricants due to menopause?

Why not be proud out loud if you have a little padding in your bra or a fake breast due to breast cancer or because you were born lopsided?

I know! Let's get those people who have had to have lip hair removed or women who have had hair transplants due to unfortunate baldness to let the public know, too!

Plastic surgery to remove a nasty mole or fix a birth mark? Shout it out! It's the world's business, right?

<eye roll>

[docbree 199]

Just my two cent's worth (I am pre-op, so maybe I shouldn't even be responding).

I think there are a lot of reasons to keep such a private matter to yourself. I think some valid responses to questions about how you are losing a lot of weight could include "mostly, a LOT of hard work," or if you are being consistent with your reasoning about how your sex life, plastic surgery, etc. are nobody's business then "that's a personal issue," or "I don't want to talk about it."

I do think it's dishonest to say "I'm just eating better and exercising more." An obese person (or family member/friend) who asks with genuine interest will get a false sense of what is possible and may put off surgery because "if he/she can do it with diet and exercise - then so can I!"

About a year ago, someone posted on one of these threads (or maybe on another site) about a friend of hers who lost a lot of weight after VGS. She was telling friends and co-workers that she did so with the help of an "herbal supplement" and the proceeded to sell it to these "friends." Dishonest. Even if she did use the supplement post-op.

It's also dishonest in my opinion to make up fake surgeries as explanations for your time off of work. Once again, can't "I'm sorry, but that's personal" be used in a tactful way instead of falsehoods?