For as along as I can remember, I've been overweight. I joke that I was an obese embryo, that's not true. I was a normal weight until age 5, then slowly started gaining weight. I never could play sports, I winded so easily. My parents were factory workers and they worked long hours. I was a latch key kid. Since I couldn't play sports I became really good at video games and school work. At 12 I had to have a tonsillectomy, during surgery they could not lower my blood pressure. Later I was sent to a childrens hospital to be evaluated and they found I had a congenital heart defect called coarctation of the aorta. At the time I was 6'0 and 235lbs. I had open heart surgery (posterior) a couple of months. I had some difficulties after surgery was my recovery ended up being short. Post-op I was 185lbs.

After surgery I was cleared for exercise with the exception of contact sports. I exercised for a few years and tried to eat a little better but old habits die hard. By the time I was in 11th grade my weight started to rise again. I graduated high school around 250lbs. I went to college for business and never could find any area I really wanted to work in. I had my first child at 22. After having her I finally focused on what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a nurse. I stayed in the school for the next eight years, moving from LPN, to associate, to bachelors and last I graduated with my masters in Family Nurse Practitioner. Along the way I had two more children. Within a couple of weeks I was offered my dream job in the pediatric clinic I went to for my entire childhood.

At this point I had struggled with my weight for the majority of my life. I had tried every diet; Atkins, south beach, paleo, low calorie, hi energy supplements, weight watchers, etc. On two previous occasions I went to the same surgeons weight loss seminar in attempts to get the lap band. During my required pre-op diet I would lose 30-50lbs. I would get this false sense of hope and think to myself I didn't need this surgery I could do it on my own. A couple of months later I would be off my diet and the weight would creep back up.

I always had excuses along the way. Being married with 3 children (4th and final one the way now) consumed alot of my time. I also worked full time as a nurse while going to grad school full time in addition to our photography studio. There was always an excuse, I'm too busy, I don't have time, when things slow down I'll lose the weight. Long story short, I never learned good eating or exercise habits. I tend to not eat during the day then gorge at night. I'm up to 325lbs now, the biggest I'v ever been. Now with my 4th child on the way I worry about being around for them. I have a great wife and family that I have to be around for.

Back in January when I started at the clinic I had no excuses. I was out of school, things had slowed down, the gym is only a mile from my clinic and I had a 1.5 hour lunch nearly every day. I started out on a great diet and exercise plan, I lost nearly 30lbs in a couple of months, then old habits returned. I became somewhat depressed about my poor willpower. Working in pediatrics I see a lot of overweight children and it saddens me. My entire obese life came to head with one patient. One day my nurse told me that my next patient wanted to discuss weight loss. During our discussion the patient went to the bathroom and the mother caught me in the hallway and said, "Look I really need you to talk to her about her weight and how bad it is." I was taken aback, what was I suppose to say her her? Eat good and exercise or you'll turn out like me? Don't live your life like I lived mine? After that day I to admit defeat and that I needed help. It was that time I contacted a local surgeons office and started working on my packet for approval. Over the summer I completed everything, met with my doctor and was fortunate enough to have my surgery approved. My date is set for October the 7th and I feel somewhat melancholy. I'm excited for the life change but sad I couldn't do it on my own . Knowing that part of my life will be over is sad. My habits and priorities in life have changed so much over the years. Food is an integral part of my family and friends interactions.

9 days and counting!

@@Jcotti I think you'll see your story isn't so far from almost all of us on here. Please don't think to yourself you should have been able to do this on your own, there are some things in life that are so important that you need to take what ever measures available to help yourself. This is one of them. There is a woman on here that was on the biggest loser, she lost her 110 pounds in front of the world, but only by the help of others. After she lost all that weight her life changed, she enjoyed life again, and although she had the greatest of tools to keep it off, she lost her way, and decided that surgery was going to be the only way she could continue to be the best she could be (after she regained a substancial amount back).

Life is too short to feel guilty about anything unnecessarily, you deserve to live life to the fullest, take what ever measures that will take you there. Although not a religious person, I do believe if God didn't want us to use the skills of great surgeons, he wouldn't have given them the talent and insight to do what they do.

Do what ever you need to do to enjoy life and your family. Oh and this surgery doesn't mean you can't be social and enjoy family gatherings and entertaining, it just gives you a tool to control your eating. It's not a death sentence.

I was sleeved two weeks ago today, and make no mistake, it's not easy what they ask you to do afterwards, the 64 oz of Water and the 100 grams of Protein, but I can tell you one thing, I would never be able to do it without surgery, it's work, it's not an easy way out. You will be able to eat the things you love and enjoy, just not the quantity you were use to (I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner and all the fixings)..

Edited September 28, 201411 yr by Cody's mom

Good luck for your new future and weight loss! I know how it feels to not be able to do it on your own. There is a sense of guilt and defeat as well as embarrassment when you tell others of your decision. My father was really ragging on me to lose weight, but I just couldn't do it on my own. Now that I've lost over 50 pounds, he treats me just like I did it on my own and I am so grateful that the guilt has vanished. You have to do what works for you. This works for me. You are taking charge of your life and doing what you have to. Be proud of that...you go getter you!

I do somewhat feel ashamed. I feel like when I tell people I'm going to have the surgery they have this look like, "you're taking the easy way out." I've even had someone just as obese as I am tell me I don't need the surgery and that I can do it on my own. I think they meant it as a compliment like I have the drive to do it. I feel like my all the willpower during the day but at night it leaves me and I gorge. My surgeon laughs and says he can fix that.

On a side note, he's using the da vinci which is a robot to do the surgery, has anyone else had theirs done that way?

Not sure if my surgery was robotic, but my surgeon teaches robotic and gastric surgery at Loyola University Medical Center, so it may have been. I had a textbook recovery with no complications.

I do somewhat feel ashamed. I feel like when I tell people I'm going to have the surgery they have this look like, "you're taking the easy way out." I've even had someone just as obese as I am tell me I don't need the surgery and that I can do it on my own. I think they meant it as a compliment like I have the drive to do it. I feel like my all the willpower during the day but at night it leaves me and I gorge. My surgeon laughs and says he can fix that.

On a side note, he's using the da vinci which is a robot to do the surgery, has anyone else had theirs done that way?

I had Davinci robotic surgery.

How was your recovery with the davinci?

If life doesn't change we become stagnant. Living breathing dead people. You know I bet you don't look back and say boy I wish I had never gotten married. Or I never had my first child. No never! I already know the answer. I bet you wish you had known how to prepare food and eat only healthy food your entire life. Ah no! I already know the answer to that. Why are you sad about the new change that is about to take place. You are making the choice to be around for your wife, children and friends.

It is a part of life or the cycle of life to change to grow to move. And you are going to move forward. You are heading into a new era of good health and well being. You will also have the ability to help others change their lives by example. I think you are ready for this I really do!

Millions of people out there can not make it on their own. Big industries, drug companies and diet clubs are hoping you don't or they go out of business. But one reason is you were not ready to change your thinking about food. To change what it means to you in the long run. To not use it as comfort but as a way to feed yourself so that you can get on with the more important things like living and enjoying life.

Food has never been a loyal friend and yet we went to it over and over again for comfort and ended up feeling worse for it. Now the chance is given to you to use this new tool to better your health and fix your brain.

All of us here who have had one of these weight loss surgeries know how your thinking. If I coulda, woulda, shoulda. means nothing. There is a lot more to it then putting the fork down or nay sayers saying your taking the easy way out. It is a disease that is becoming an epidemic in our society.

I think that you are ready for the change. Good and ready. I think you got this and you will find the support you need from family and friends and those of us on here that you wish to share your journey with.

I started out heavier then you my friend and I have succeeded to goal and so shall you!

All the best!

Edited September 28, 201411 yr by RJ'S/beginning