I don't understand why are women so critical of each other? Why not be supportive and say, hey good job and continue doing what you are doing, or hey can I help you in anyway. I am sick and tired of being criticize by women constantly. I have heard some of my so call girlfriends saying, oh yeah if you lose some more weight, even 20 more pounds, you will get the guy you want. I am thinking, do you know what I have been through and what I am going through. So far I am proud of myself, I was 210 and have lost 57 pounds and now I am down to 153. With my height being 5 feet, I should be at around 120-130. I am almost 5 months out from my RNY and I have to work really hard to lose the weight. Working out 3-4 times a week, eating the right foods, having a food diary and staying motivated is not easy but heck I went down this path to make my life better. But being criticize for not reaching the goal as yet is just hurtful. I feel bad for women who pass judgements like this...I feel that they are insecure and can not see other women happy. I would never criticize another woman, matter of fact I would motivate them to eat right and exercise which we are all doing. I believe if I can do it, anyone can do it.

Even a man who is super over weight who I am trying to help with the surgery process say to me, oh if you lost another 20 pounds you will be so hot. Why not say, hey good job and keep at it. And mind you, his wife is not so thin herself...

Just had to rant today...

Two things:

Some of the people you are hanging out with are effing idiots.

You know how you can encourage them to keep saying hurtful things to you? Just never tell them to stop saying things like that. Never give them the feedback that these comments are not welcome. Never have the "uncomfortable" conversations that "nice people" never have. But just take their abuse. And keep taking it. Keep smiling even though you'd like to punch them in the face. Because we weren't raised to be assertive.

But we can learn to be assertive. All it takes is practice.

Best wishes.

Disregard the negative crap and be proud of yourself for your incredible accomplishment. Some people can't give anything but back handed compliments. Like the dude that said you would be hot if you lost 20 more pounds. Did u tell him to look in the mirror?

Two things:

Some of the people you are hanging out with are effing idiots.

You know how you can encourage them to keep saying hurtful things to you? Just never tell them to stop saying things like that. Never give them the feedback that these comments are not welcome. Never have the "uncomfortable" conversations that "nice people" never have. But just take their abuse. And keep taking it. Keep smiling even though you'd like to punch them in the face. Because we weren't raised to be assertive.

But we can learn to be assertive. All it takes is practice.

Best wishes.

You are right, I should have said something but I was at a point thinking, wow you have the nerves to say this to me and you cant even look at yourself first. I just smiled and said to my friend yeah sure whatever..and the man who made the comment to me, oh if I lose 20 more pounds, I will be hot..I said to him, you know what I am actually much happier now than I have ever been and if I dont lose more, I am ok with that. But inside I was feeling, wow am I not good enough where someone has to say such hurtful things? At times, people dont have a filter in their mouth and when they such things, I am thinking, wow there is so much jealousy out there. But I do need to learn to be more assertive and not be so nice all the time..

Disregard the negative crap and be proud of yourself for your incredible accomplishment. Some people can't give anything but back handed compliments. Like the dude that said you would be hot if you lost 20 more pounds. Did u tell him to look in the mirror?

You are absolutely right, I need to disregard the negative crap and drop these negative people from my life cause after all they are not adding any value . This guy who made a comment to me about my weight is having some serious issues with his marriage and his own weight and I feel sorry for him cause he has to put someone else down to feel good about himself. Isn't it sad that people have to put others down to feel good? I have never been like this where I would put someone down to feel good about myself; cause for me, making myself feel good is all dependent on me and taking care of me. It has nothing to do with others, you know what I mean? Why are people like that? why do they need to hurt others to feel good? I guess I will never understand that cause I have never been like this...

Well, you just go ahead and rant ! That's what this place is for ! Congratulations on your weight loss ! Way to go ! As for the negative comments ? People dont stop and think before they speak, they just put out their opinions without thinking of how the other person will feel. So, stand up for yourself , politely but firmly ! ( And by the way, whether you lose "another 20 lbs " or not, you're STILL HOT , because being HOT is a state of mind, not a body size ! Just sayin '.......................)

P.S. old saying - " Sometimes the only bite of success some people get is when they take a bite out of others " - sad but true..............

Well, you just go ahead and rant ! That's what this place is for ! Congratulations on your weight loss ! Way to go ! As for the negative comments ? People dont stop and think before they speak, they just put out their opinions without thinking of how the other person will feel. So, stand up for yourself , politely but firmly ! ( And by the way, whether you lose "another 20 lbs " or not, you're STILL HOT , because being HOT is a state of mind, not a body size ! Just sayin '.......................)

Thank you so much for the kind words...I am so glad that I get to come here and let it all out and I have people here who understand me and get what I am going through. You are right, people don't think before they say stuff and they just say it. You are right, I should have politely said something instead of just laughing it off cause I would never say such things to someone else. I would actually encourage the other person to continue doing what they are doing and tell them your happiness is really important. You are also right about changing the state of mind and feeling hot about myself vs. the body size. Thank you so much for your support..it means a lot to me!

You're quite welcome.

There are all kinds of rude ppl in the world.

You are beautiful just as you are.

So many unhappy people who just have to try to make everyone around them unhappy too. Don't let them pull you down. Be proud of yourself, you have done an awesome job!

Summer

I recall when I first had my lap band surgery (band will be removed soon). I experienced some serious problems with women I had thought were my closest friends. With some, I had lways been the big girl who did not pose a threat when we all went out together. With others, I was part of the let's pig out crew, and once I became thin, the crew no longer even wanted to spend time with me. Please do not take offense, but it may be possible that these friends are not TRUE friends. I am no longer friends with the women I just mentioned. In a way, my wls saved me from toxic relationships by showing who my true friends were. Hope things get better.

There are all kinds of rude ppl in the world.

You are beautiful just as you are.

So many unhappy people who just have to try to make everyone around them unhappy too. Don't let them pull you down. Be proud of yourself, you have done an awesome job!

Summer

There are all kinds of rude ppl in the world.

You are beautiful just as you are.

So many unhappy people who just have to try to make everyone around them unhappy too. Don't let them pull you down. Be proud of yourself, you have done an awesome job!

Summer

Thank you so much for the kind words. You are absolutely right, there are a lot of rude people out there and they will put others down to feel good about themselves. And best for us to stay away from unhappy people. And you are right, I need to be proud of myself and think positive. At times I just feel I might not get to my goal and have set such high expectations, instead I should be proud of myself and be thankful to God and this forum to get me through this process.

Maybe not so much rude people ...................maybe just dumb. Smile, shake your head and move on. Avoid the negatives, focus on the positives. Don't dwell on stupid remarks. Instead, look for a post and be an inspiration to someone else and it will brighten your day to hear a heartfelt thank you. God Bless, Linda

We have to advocate for ourselves. We've been doormats for too long. And losing weight to "get the guy"..... Don't even get me started.

Do these people know that your plan is to lose more weight? Are they actually criticizing you for not reaching goal yet or just implying that when you lose a little more/get closer to your goal you'll look really good? Not that I'm trying to excuse rudeness or anything.. it's just that when I come home and tell my SO that someone told me I looked so skinny that day, he agrees but also might say that I'm not there yet and need to keep going. I could take that to mean he still thinks I'm fat or whatever, but because I know he knows what my goal is I realize that it's his way of trying to keep me motivated to reach it. He's proud of me for coming as far as I have and doesn't want me to give up yet or get complacent. True, he could probably phrase it better sometimes.. but sometimes he's a little clueless. Lots of people are about certain things. Maybe your friends are trying to do something similar.. or maybe that's just me hoping that's what someone considered a friend would be doing instead of being a straight up bitch. Anyway.. be proud of yourself!

I think I agree with KattattaK. Please don't think I am excusing that type of behavior but I sometimes wonder if there is some primal need to compete with other women? I've always wondered that. Do we have some mechanism in the brain that makes us see other women as contenders as mates for the dominant male? I'm no psychologist or sociologist but I've always wondered that.

Or is it lack of maturity? Lack of development of one's confident ego?

I work very had to see people by their actions and interactions with other people instead of their appearance. I don't always succeed though.

Kathleen