Why is it that just because you are fat people think that you are a joke? Im a college student and tonight I went out with a friend to Celebrate our impending graduation. The night was the normal stuff till we left the bar and went to the dance club. Besides the usual being touched by strangers (which grosses me out) I was "hit on" by a fratboy type, aka a TOOL. I say "hit on" because it was an obvious dare or whatever between he and his toolbox buddies. Of course I recognized this from the start and firmly dismissed him at which time I heard him say to his friends "awe she said shes leaving". WTF!!! I am not anyones plaything or pitycase. It makes me sad though to think that people are so meanspirited and would stoop so low as to include someone in their chest-beating, penis lengthening game. I am not a joke. This hurts because this exchange made me feel as ugly as them. It was not random, I was targeted. The good thing is that after the VERY chilly borderline hostile reponse (stinkeye and all) he received will make him never try that crap with me again and hopefully never with anyone else. Groady jerk.

This is so infuriating because this is the armour Im going to be asked to give up when I start losing weight. This armour is helping me deal with being scammed on, talked about, and being made into a joke.

I am so afraid of what is going to happen once this weight is gone. Am I gonna become a victim of a**holes such as these? Am I gonna seek out guys like them to prove to myself and them that I am worthy of their "whatever"? Am I gonna keep a tight grip on my heart because I am terrified of being used. Is my Hyper-awareness of these possibilities gonna paralyze me? This surgery and this situation are opening up a huge can of worms that Im not sure I can control or deal with adequetly.

Im still fat, guys still dont like me, toolbags still target me for jokes but Im still trying to get over all of it. The problem is that I was forced into the role of a victim, made to feel that something was wrong with me and that I dont belong here. Im tired of fighting other peoples insecurities along with my own. Im tired of trying to prove that I am good enough. Im furious, how dare they. WTF!

I KNOW it doesnt matter what other people think of me. I KNOW I have to love myself first. I KNOW all of that, I even KNOW it is gonna get better but KNOWING all of that is not helping. Im just as self conscious as anybody else who looks like me in a place like this. Ive been working on it for years and years and I am where I am...frustrated.

if you cant follow this pls forgive the rambling and typos.

Its 230AM and Im pissed but I still want to be perfect. when will I learn.

I sympathize. It's been a while since that kind of thing happened (high school, which was 6 years ago for me), but I remember about 2 years ago.. out of no where.. me and fiance went out to dinner somewhere. And some reason I became the target of some girls jokes. I was really just emberassed since my fiance picked up on it too. He's not into 'big girls'.. but he fell in love with me and had to deal with it LOL. But anytime something 'reminds' him I'm fat, I get nervous. I still occasionally feel like he doesn't notice I'm fat after all these years and one day he'll go 'Wow, she's fat..'.. it's weird I know. Even getting this surgery, I know my face was beet red when I asked him his thoughts on it. I didn't want him thinking about me being fat.. and I still wouldn't let him take my 'before' pictures.. I had to set up the camera. This is just one of those issues I think I hide from the world. I don't 'act' fat, I don't 'feel' fat.. it's my deep dark secret (I know, I'm a little off my rocker).

Hugs to you, and like someone else said.. that was always my motto in high school which is why it didn't bother me too bad.. I can lose the weight, and 100% of girls who ever gave me shit, were BUTT UGLY but had a nice body.. so I had no problem telling them about how one day I'd lose weight, but no amount of plastic surgery could fix the remains of the ugly stick someone slapped them with

I'm old so I don't get hit on anymore. When I was young, I was thin and got hit on all the time. I didn't like that. I think you are doing very well and it's great you got your degree.

On another topic, I went to the dating sites and saw some old fat men who were cute. I like old fat men. I may check some of these sites if Mother ever dies and I have a life again. Thanks for the info.