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I didnt want to lie...



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Had only been at my job for six months when I was sleeved March 24. I developed a hernia after Christmas and knowing I would be out for surgery in the near future, I shared with people that I had a hernia and I was going to have a surgery. I wanted to sort of "cover" the surgery issue because I knew I'd be out. But what I didn't consider was that my coworkers would notice my weight loss, and put 2 and 2 together that I had WLS. I have had a few people say, how are you doing it?, etc. I have said that I cut out processed foods, sugar, alcohol, white carbs, etc. That is all true. But now some people have asked for details because they want to lose weight themselves. And these people who asked for details are not obese, but want to lose a few pounds. Also, there are 2 obese women there who are the best of friends and always talking and huddling. And I have very clearly sensed dislike and jealousy/or envy from one and a sort of, "I'm not stupid, it's obvious that you had surgery" looks from the other. I can feel their judgement just seething from behind their smiles. One asked how my surgery went (I gave her the hernia explanation).

Anyway I feel like I need to do something pro-active now. I can't say I had WLS now because I'd be "lying" in their eyes, and I don't want their judgement (even if they are judging silently to themselves!)…

So now I'm not sure what to say because my weight is still dropping and I'm still getting questions. I know I don't owe anyone any explanations and it's my business and stuff. The reason I elected to tell only a handful of friends I'd that my BMI was only 35, and when I began thinking about it, the folks I did talk to told me that I didn't need it. And another thing that crossed my mind was that I would seem vain for wanting to do it when I wasn't morbidly obese. Now I know it was they best decision ever and I am very happy about my results.

But I need advice on how to proceed. Thanks

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My BMI was 35 too, but I had a lot of co-morbidities associated with obesity. When people compliment my appearance, I steer them in the direction of my health--tell them how great that's going. Maybe you could do the same? Otherwise, maybe you could fess up in the form of a break-room letter or email to those in your immediate circle. OR Tell them when you had your hernia operation, your doc had a heart-to-heart with you about your weight, and that you are now in a supervised weight loss program.

Or finally, you could just let it go and let them continue to be fat and jealous.

Best,

Amy

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I'm going through the same thing. I was sleeved almost 6 weeks ago. Most people in my office think I just had gall bladder surgery (which I did). My boss and two co-workers whom I trust know that I also had the sleeve. People are starting to notice that I've lost a bunch of weight, so I'm just telling them I am exercising more, avoiding carbs and generally trying to eat less. You don't owe anyone an explanation. What you've been telling them is just fine!

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girrrrlll you owe no one anything.. let there brain wonder as you get more beautiful everyday.. smile your way thru any akward moments. keep smile as you loose the lbs.

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Track your food for a week and then show them the plan. They will lose weight in that plan too! Lol. You just eat way less calories than before and you've upped your Protein intake. Simple as that. That's your diet plan. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. Tell them you've made a life change in your diet and exercise plans and you've learned to stick to it.

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You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. The ladies who are giving you a hard time are just looking for something to gossip about. Let them think whatever they want. They don't matter.

When I get asked how much I've lost my answer is always "a bunch." When they ask how I did it, "one pound at a time." People generally figure by this point my weight is not on the table for discussion.

Keep up the great work and don't the the haters get to you!

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I'm preop (7 days til' surgery WOOT) but when I get to this point, I think I'm just going to spill the Beans. I don't want to tell too many people now because I really don't want their opinions on the surgery. But, once it's done, I'll probably just say I had the surgery and that I'm on a medically supervised plan so that I don't have to constantly face the question. It will be obvious I'm doing something dramatically different than before and I'd rather just put it out there.

I found kind of the same thing out about depression -- I used to not tell anyone I was on meds for depression / bipolar. After I got more confident with myself, I would tell people if the conversation steered that way and I found so many people who were also treated or looking into seeing a psych. It helped me feel not so alone in my struggle and it helped them too.

I think that the more open we are about the surgery and educate people, the more it takes away the stigma that surrounds the surgery (that it's the easy way out or dangerous or that it needs to be hidden). Kind of a little ambassador program! :)

But, I know that's not for everyone -- it's something we have to figure out for ourselves.

Best wishes.

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girrrrlll you owe no one anything.. let there brain wonder as you get more beautiful everyday.. smile your way thru any akward moments. keep smile as you loose the lbs.

This. Especially the girls who are gossiping about you. My plan is to say I'm eating less... You know it's 80% food. So it's true. You don't owe anyone more of an explanation.

As for the people wanting advice on losing, tell them to cut carbs, sugar, eat less. That's what you are doing, right?

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I'm going through the same thing. I was sleeved almost 6 weeks ago. Most people in my office think I just had gall bladder surgery (which I did). My boss and two co-workers whom I trust know that I also had the sleeve. People are starting to notice that I've lost a bunch of weight, so I'm just telling them I am exercising more, avoiding carbs and generally trying to eat less. You don't owe anyone an explanation. What you've been telling them is just fine!

I totally agree! It's something person and you don't have to tell anyone you had surgery. You are losing weight because you have better eating habits. Good job!

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I don't understand why anyone would want to hide it in the first place. Is it something you're ashamed of?

Really? Maybe because it isn't anyone else's business to know? It's a very private thing for me, personally.

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Okay. That's not my experience. I was happy to share with everyone in my life and so I asked the question because I don't understand why someone would want to keep it a secret. Trying to understand the other side if that's okay with you. Lol

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Okay. That's not my experience. I was happy to share with everyone in my life and so I asked the question because I don't understand why someone would want to keep it a secret. Trying to understand the other side if that's okay with you. Lol

Ok, fair enough. I apologize for being upset but I don't feel like it is something that I need to tell the world. I am a very private person. I also see the way people look at, talk about, and judge other people who have had a weight loss surgery. And, I isn't something I want to have a conversation about.

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I mean, does one feel the need to hide it so they can feel superior as if they did it themselves without help? To gain accolades from their peers? Does one feel ashamed because they had to go to such drastic measures to gain control of their weight? I'm just trying to understand why lying is a better option for anyone because I've always lived my life as an open book.

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Well except with people here that have been there or are going through it.

I have told very few people and it was only because I "had" to because they will be taking care of my son while I am doing the surgery. If I had a choice, I would have told my Mother and that's it.

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