Bariatric Bullies--You know who you are!

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

I am sorry to say it but I've seen some bullying on these forums and it boggles my mind that some people say they haven't seen it. Mostly it involves people asking legitimate questions and "veterans" complaining that the questions have been asked too many times so the poster should be doing searches rather than posting a new question. Then others complaining about which questions the posters are asking or they criticize people for praying or outwardly mentioning or showing their faith. I could understand it if the posters were posting in the Athiest Room but they weren't. If we wish to pray for others we should be allowed to mention it without being ridiculed. Everyone is new at some point in time and it takes a while to get comfortable with the format so I feel there needs to be more understanding and empathy for newbies and those having difficulties. I always try to say something positive if I can because I know how I have felt when posters have made unkind remarks. On the other hand, I generally ignore the bullies because I don't want to give them fuel to boost their egos.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

<sigh>

[Teachamy 1,042]

I have never felt bullied here and hope no one has felt bullied by me. There are times I speak honestly and am very blunt about what I say, but I try to be kind, even in those moments. It is sometimes hard to express tone when writing on a web-site.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

I have never felt bullied here and hope no one has felt bullied by me. There are times I speak honestly and am very blunt about what I say, but I try to be kind, even in those moments. It is sometimes hard to express tone when writing on a web-site.

maybe the term bullying is being used when people feel intimidated but its not exactly bullying? i dont know that i have seen anything like this around here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

but guessing semantics can be debated till the cows come home. (skinny, fat free cows of course!)

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I appreciate that people feel this way and I am sorry that feelings are hurt. I never intend to "bully" anyone. I was accused of it once because i took issue with a sweeping generalization somebody made that shall we say, touched close to home. My politely disagreeing was called bullying - so it goes.

It is hard to know how people take things sometimes though and lets be honest here - weight loss surgery, obesity, losing massive weight and all that causes emotional turmoil and people can be very sensitive too. In other words, some of the things may be "taken" alot harsher than they were ever intended.

Flip side, there are many of us veterans who take alot of time to share out stories, give encouragement, answer questions, answer private messages of info that is freely available elsewhere, I have even talked on the phone with people seeking support. I do it because I remember what it felt like and I remember that people feel the need to have THEIR questions answered even if it is the same as others have asked. This is scary, life changing business here. I am not seeking acknowledgement from any of you on this point - I am merely mentioning this because I have observed a few people who I think provide very valuable info, insight and support being attacked for being a bully when what I see is a fairly factual accounting of how they have experienced success post surgery. Maybe the delivery could be sweeter, but, not everyone is gifted with the silver tongue of a diplomat.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

I think we all know what bullying is. I've been around these forums for a while and on many occasions I've seen people be called idiots, morons, not capable, etc. If they didn't use those exact words, it's obviously implied. Then the OP's thread turns into a joke mocking the person asking a question. Then the rude people want to back track by saying it's hard to interpret tone over the internet. We're all adults here. Let's be real.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Name calling is definitely a no-no in my book and I hate it when I see it. That said, isn't that what was done in the title, the OP and several posts in this thread? Seems sort of pot meet kettle if you ask me. It's wrong no matter which "side" you are on.

[woo woo 872]

Just an observation, but it seems like the most aggressive posts that I am seeing here are from those that claim others are bullying them.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I think we all know what bullying is. I've been around these forums for a while and on many occasions I've seen people be called idiots, morons, not capable, etc. If they didn't use those exact words, it's obviously implied. Then the OP's thread turns into a joke mocking the person asking a question. Then the rude people want to back track by saying it's hard to interpret tone over the internet. We're all adults here. Let's be real.

Amen. I'm many months into my journey with many more to go. I've been grateful to receive encouragement and many pearls of wisdom. But on more than once, I've cringed at the lack of diplomacy (good word) and left that thread with a bad taste. Anytime a word is spoken/typed to induce intimidation, belittle, mock, make fun of, make an example of - that's bullying. Some thrive on that sh@$. Bottom line. It pumps up their little ego to say "I'm so much better than this other, weaker, idiot". Truth can be said in a way that is not hurtful. There is an art to giving feedback constructively. It's easier to leave a zinger, a lovely dose of sarcasm, or just plain meanness. You have to CARE to invest in others. CGJ has, in my opinion, done that well in posts that I've seen. I'm sure it's exhausting. But you do it well and many of us benefit from it. Not everyone puts that much thought into how comments might come across. Done right, it makes a huge difference. Done wrong, it unnecessarily stings. Again, just like life, walk away and kick grass over it. You can only make me feel stupid if I let you.

[Time4Kindness 48]

Okay lipsticklady! Seems Ive struck a cord! Are you stalking me? Really you have to comment every couple hours on my post? I get what your saying OVER AND OVER again! Just leave me alone already! And there is a difference between somebody being mean to someone else and someone voiceing the wrong in that! I was voicing the wrong in that! Now Im done with this site and people just like you! Grow up! I don't need your comments day after day comeing at me! You said your view now shut up about it and leave me alone! Funny how when someone stands up for themselves the bullies get sooooo upset! Go get a punching bag to let off your anger and mean streak Ive seen from you not only on my post but others, because Im so done with you!

Name calling is definitely a no-no in my book and I hate it when I see it. That said, isn't that what was done in the title, the OP and several posts in this thread? Seems sort of pot meet kettle if you ask me. It's wrong no matter which "side" you are on.

[Sassypants92201 76]

This is a HUGE community of people but we are all here for the same reason, we should support one another.

There is A LOT of shaming that goes on here. I see people post a thread for support and get attacked. ie- A post about someone wanting to eat sugar or over eat after surgery and wanting support and she just got attacked. "why would you do that?" "Didn't you get help for that?" "Go see a therapist."

Also you have the people who think there's only one way to do things and that way is correct.

In any event, there are so many people on this site and this kind of stuff happens. I am a cloth diaper mom and I had to leave so many sites because people just get nasty and mean. It is the internet...

[InfiniteButterfly 438]

Okay lipsticklady! Seems Ive struck a cord! Are you stalking me? Really you have to comment every couple hours on my post? I get what your saying OVER AND OVER again! Just leave me alone already! And there is a difference between somebody being mean to someone else and someone voiceing the wrong in that! I was voicing the wrong in that! Now Im done with this site and people just like you! Grow up! I don't need your comments day after day comeing at me! You said your view now shut up about it and leave me alone! Funny how when someone stands up for themselves the bullies get sooooo upset! Go get a punching bag to let off your anger and mean streak Ive seen from you not only on my post but others, because Im so done with you!

Name calling is definitely a no-no in my book and I hate it when I see it. That said, isn't that what was done in the title, the OP and several posts in this thread? Seems sort of pot meet kettle if you ask me. It's wrong no matter which "side" you are on.

Just an observation, but it seems @@LipstickLady is the one who struck a nerve. It's not the first time I've seen mentioned in this thread that it's a pot calling the kettle black, because it really is.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

You posted an attention-getting title, for this thread. It happens to be close to another topic that was started recently. I don't think that means people are stalking you, necessarily…but we do have a tendency to read and comment on topics we are interested in.

That's the thing about an open forum. People will do that. There's a lot of good information and advice here. If you don't like an individual poster, or even a group of them, you can ignore them or report them if they have done something wrong. Your initial post…okay, in fact I am very sorry that anyone feels that way, and I think you had a right to say it. Your post above calling someone specific out when the posts in question are pretty innocuous? I think that's uncalled for.

In some ways this is just like showing up to a party or a new work situation where you don't know anyone. There are hundreds of people in this community (or more, really) and you'll really click with some, but probably won't like the tone of and/or get along with everyone. Ignore the ones you don't like. I'm guessing most people you meet here aren't posting "at" you.

[Teachamy 1,042]

Just an observation, but it seems like the most aggressive posts that I am seeing here are from those that claim others are bullying them.

Agreed. I'm avoiding this thread from now on, because I think I was just attacked and told to act like an adult? Really? All I said was I have never felt bullied here and hope that no one has felt bullied by me, and that it is easy to misread tone...

Edited June 2, 2014 by Teachamy

[I will what I want 271]

Maybe a picture of my sweet kitten Moo will clam everyone down. 'Cause Isn't the interwebs supposed to love a cute cat picture?!?