My husband had VGS surgery nine days ago. He had complications due to some of his comorbidities, and spent six nights in the hospital instead of one. While he is happy to no longer be hungry, I'm concerned about his unwillingness to follow the rules of his program.

He refuses to walk. Even in the hospital, where walking every two hours was mandatory, he refused to budge. He walks to the bathroom and back to his recliner, and that's it. The rest of the time, he bellows out his demands, 24/7. Bring men Jello, bring me ice, bring me Water, come clean up my mess, get me a Protein shake.

While I am sympathetic and want to be comforting, my suggestions that he could get up or even reach for something have been met with rage. He is furious that he feels so bad. My telling him to walk off the pain has generated more anger.

He ridiculed the nutrition instructors and actually walked out of his post op class. Now he expects me to keep track of his needs. And those comorbidities that caused problems in the OR? He still refuses to handle them.

I've been screamed at, yelled at, belittled, and cursed. How can I help him to get himself together so he can work on living with this new tool? And how do I protect myself?

I have several severe autoimmune diseases, am a cancer survivor, and I live in constant severe pain. Normally I'm on heavy narcotics but right now I'm limiting my pain meds in order to drive him to his appointments. He is not supportive of my issues. Because I'm on a biologic drug for my arthritis, I'm susceptible to infection, so I worry about having to handle clean up when he gets sick. I do it, but I worry about the risks.

His surgeon actually suggested he go to a rehab facility after he left the hospital. He refused. How do I get him up and moving again?

God bless you , you have your hands fullill pray for you that he will change

I feel so bad for you. Your husband is clearly taking advantage and going over board. I personally feel that you are going to have to show him some tough love and hold him accountable for his own self and progress. I wish you the best.

Thank you. It is now six months out. He's lost 151 pounds and feels great. Comorbidities are gone. Still has a long way to go, but this week's surgery follow up made the docs quite happy.

I'd like to say things have changed between us, but they really haven't.

I've lost 66 pounds without surgery. Go figure. My arthritis hasn't improved. Such is life. I'm the little engine that keeps going forward and I strive for peace. Sometimes that means forgiving the bully and just moving on. Is it what my feminist power self would have done? Nope. But it's the only option for now.

He needs a punch in the face. Do you have a brother ?