Don't hate on fluffy people

[Teachamy 1,042]

Have you ever seen the movie "Mean Girls"? I am thinking of the scene where the girls stand and look at themselves in the mirror and start saying things like, "I hate my shoulders!", "I hate my nose"! That scene resonated with me, because that's what we as women do. Self-deprecating humor can be charming in small doses, but there is often a shred of truth beneath everything we say about ourselves. Some level of deep inner hatred directed at ourselves and only ourselves.

Our fellow WLS sisters are sensitive and we all need to remember that what we say about ourselves affects other women around us. Thanks for this reminder.

[greensleeve 457]

I am preparing for the sleeve. Met wonderful beautiful ladies who are around their goal weight last night, at a support group, who proudly showed me their before pics and then said something like "I can't believe I thought I was cute I was a fat cow"

Guess what, they were cute! Beautiful! Way hotter than I am at this moment! So although they didn't mean to, it made me feel horrible about myself. I know I may feel differently in a year or two, but for now I think we should be kind and don't throw around words that make newbies feel even worse about themselves. :-( feeling ugly and fat

I think some people don't realize how big they are until they lose. Some people think they are way bigger than they are, and some people are just living life like a funhouse mirror. Like one day you think you look great and the next you think you look immense.

I dont think women should be referring to themselves that way at all. There's always someone who finds you attractive.

I bet you are really cute! Sorry they were hurtful to you. I bet they weren't even thinking about you at all.

[Steviefan1 126]

Oh how I love the word 'fluffy'... I see it like this...these women are just SO happy with themselves now, that the mirror side is how they hated themselves then. They probably did not mean any un-kindness toward you...BECAUSE...they are looking at you as one of THEM now, thinking that you think the same way; that you too will say the same kind of things when you get to goal. Almost a compliment, really.

[lisacaron 5,075]

I will tell you this and it's a bit out of the loop here. At my Doctor's office there is a support group for those who are new WLS patients and for those who are patients for a year or more.

The reason for this, is because we go through different phases at different times in our journey and while I agree with the thinking on that, I also think that there is much to be learned by having a combined group of veterans and new and even per-surgical patients together.

We may look at ourselves years into WLS and think oh we looked terrible when we were XX pounds heavier, but you know we can't deny who we are and who we where and where we came from and we need to remember there are others who are starting from that place and need our support as we needed the support of others. They have as much to teach and share with us as we have to teach and share with them.

I don't hate myself. I never did. Not as a fluffy gal or a thin gal or in any way shape or form. I am me and I am happy to be alive and relatively healthy enough to enjoy the life I have and trying to make my life as healthy as I can every day so I can enjoy it more and more. I think there are some that don't feel that way about themselves and weight loss or gain is not going to make that better.

So my fluffy friend, don't allow another to make you feel badly about who you are, if you love and accept yourself no matter what then no one and nothing can make you feel badly about yourself and you will always be a success in what you strive for!

[niassy151 60]

Let's face it. Some of us become weight focused (OCD?) post op. Any comment I make about weight is in regards to me only. I critize myself way more than what's probably healthy. Don't take their comments personally. Sadly the only weight they can/can't see is only their own.

[I will what I want 271]

There is a great book entitled, "There's Nothing Wrong with you." It's written by a Zen nun, Cheri Huber. It is about how we are socialized to not like ourselves and to beat ourselves up in order to reign in our internalized bad feelings. It goes like this...If. I eat a cookie and I'm on a diet then I'm going to tell myself how bad I am for eating it so I don't ever do it again. Except that we end up feeling even worse... And eating even more. It is a great little book. It's not actually about weight loss, just being human. I find it's a great antidote to feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem. I bring it up now because it fits the situation for both the OP and the women at her support group - full of bad feelings about themselves. It helped me make sense of why we are all so mean to ourselves.

[bloreorbust 286]

I have to say that I think our layers of fluff often cover up more than just our physical attributes. People who are narcissitic or self centered sometimes reveal their true colors after surgery. All those mean things other people said to them start coming out of their own mouths because they now have the confidence to speak them.

Just try to be the other sort. The sort that remembers all those bad feelings, and has compassion on others because of them. The sort that's just happy they are finally getting to where they want to be in life.