People who haven't seen me for awhile notice my weight loss right away (i went from a sz 20/22 to a sz 10) but what I find most bizarre is how many people want to know exactly how much I lost, like an actual numeric value of pounds. I don't feel weird saying I've gone down several dress sizes, but I do feel feel uncomfortable saying "I've lost about 70lbs".

Why does this make me so uncomfortable? Is it because I've kept my WLS a secret and I don't want people to do the math and jump to conclusions? Or is it just that my gaining and losing weight has been an emotional struggle and I just don't feel it's everyone's business because it's so private to me? I sincerely don't know and am doing some soul searching.

Do you tell people how much you've lost? The only people I've told are my parents, husband and my best friend. Everyone else, i lie and say i don't get on the scale, i just go by how my clothes feel.

I feel sorta weird about it too, and I suppose that stems from being a very private person. I don't get on the scale everyday for fear of not having those numbers move (so psychological). I have found that when the scale doesn't move I lose inches (not sure if that's the same for everyone?).

At any rate, I feel that's a personal question and just say, yes I've lost weight and leave it at that. If they press, I don't lie; I tell them I'm on a high protein, low carb, small meals, exercise diet. That generally satisfies them.

I think people are just curious in general.

Comfy Blue, I get sooo uncomfortable when people ask " how many lbs have you lost?" My stats are are almost identical to yours ( size 20-22 down to szv10, 73 lbs lost. ) In the beginning , it was nice when people noticed I had lost some weight. Somewhere after 50 lbs , the " how much" question started to make me quite squeamish. Part of it has to do with me facing the reality of how far I had let myself go. I am going to admit it, I look at my 'before' pictures and I am still so disappointed and yes ashamed, of myself . Last weekend , I saw people I generally see 1-2 times a year. I was cornered by 6 women who wanted to know my " secret" to successful weight loss. 2 of them knew the truth from my husband ( the chatterbox!) so being coy or vague was out of the question. I answered that I had worked with a surgeon. But that wasn't enough for this crew- they wanted to know how much ? I did not want to answer , so I said "a bit" . They kept at it and when I evaded the question , they started to GUESS !! Can you believe the nerve of these people? The consensus was I had lost 110 lbs already ( nope - 70 , but still not going to tell them) . My weight was none of their business before or after my sleeve. This ruined my night . I am quite open that I had WLS , but my husband , sisters, mother or closest friends never, ever ask " how many lbs? " what makes casually acquaintances think they can? That's ignorance on their part fueled by shame/ embarrassment on my part. I am thrilled with my physical results so far , but I have to work on myself. I have to make peace with my past so I can fully enjoy my future. Until then, this question will cause me to squirm , and will be perceived as an invasion of my privacy.

I am so grateful for this forum. People here understand each other's struggles and honesty .

Edited May 14, 201412 yr by JanetPRN

Depends on who it is. My close family knows, but I didn't tell many people I had surgery, and I don't tell them I've lost 140 pounds. They will certainly do the math. I didn't want them to know how much I weighed, and still don't. But it's OK for all my close friends on this site know, lol

JanetPRN,

I also come to this forum because the people here know what it's like to go through the surgery and all the physical and intensely emotional changes it brings. In my humble opinion, after the healing of the actual surgery, the emotional changes are much more difficult than the physical ones.

I'll be traveling to Michigan in July. I'll be seeing family members who haven't seen me since 2009. I'm very much trying to mentally prepare myself. I know I'm going to be pounded with questions by family members who don't know I've had WLS. I've been thinking about what I'm going to say to them. I REALLY don't want to tell them just how much I've lost--don't want to provide ammunition for being even more judgmental. The good thing is, after a few days, I'll come home to Texas and leave it all behind. I think that's the best way to look at it--this too shall pass.

Kathleen

Edited May 14, 201412 yr by Katcloudshepherd

sometimes i do as i see their face when they try to add up/size me up nearly 170 pounds heavier

yeah i feel weird....but it is what it is..i am who i am...

people want to know exactly how much I lost

@@Comfy_Blue

I don't "think" they are being nosey

like with some/many of us the # has meaning

family are the ones that seem to be the "curious" ones

when i lost 50 lbs - i acknowledged that to OP

but when i said i lost 105 lbs...........they make their own assumptions on how much i did weigh

i can see their minds working overtime - or the calculators coming out of the purse/pocket

Oh well - again its the # thing we/OP are frequently obsessed by

btw - how much did YOU lose??

72 lbs!!!!

you are aces

keep up the good job (i know you will )

kathy

congrats

Edited May 14, 201412 yr by proudgrammy

I didn't feel weird at 30 pounds. Or 40. Or 50, 60, 70. I was even OK the first time I said 100. Then the total, complete embarrassment clicked in for no reason that I can put my finger on. I think it was the wide eyed look of amazement. There was no judgement at all, but the absolute wonderment made me feel sort of like a circus side show.

Now when people ask, I simply say, I lost "a small person", or "a lot", or "way more than I should have had to". I smile and leave no more room for further questions.

It depends on my mood at the time. Sometimes I tell them the truth and sometimes I tell them something outrageous on both spectrums. Like I've lost 10 Lbs or I've lost 250... It's funny and makes them laugh, but they also get the hint and leave it alone.

People who haven't seen me for awhile notice my weight loss right away (i went from a sz 20/22 to a sz 10) but what I find most bizarre is how many people want to know exactly how much I lost, like an actual numeric value of pounds. I don't feel weird saying I've gone down several dress sizes, but I do feel feel uncomfortable saying "I've lost about 70lbs".

Why does this make me so uncomfortable? Is it because I've kept my WLS a secret and I don't want people to do the math and jump to conclusions? Or is it just that my gaining and losing weight has been an emotional struggle and I just don't feel it's everyone's business because it's so private to me? I sincerely don't know and am doing some soul searching.

Do you tell people how much you've lost? The only people I've told are my parents, husband and my best friend. Everyone else, i lie and say i don't get on the scale, i just go by how my clothes feel.

I think @@JanetPRN said it best:

"I have to make peace with my past so I can fully enjoy my future. Until then, this question will cause me to squirm, and will be perceived as an invasion of my privacy."

A lot of people feel ashamed of their past, of their weight, at their past inability to control themselves and thus many people on this forum mention that they perceive their pre-sleeve selves as weak. I think we each have to do what JanetPRN said, we "have to make peace" with our past selves.

When each of us post-ops started this journey, we started it because we needed help to gain back control. The thing is, a lot of people need help in all areas and walks of life. Our need for help is no different and we should not feel ashamed of our need. Instead we should feel PROUD that we had the STRENGTH to admit that we needed help in the first place, and the COURAGE to do something about it. Because trust me, I have friends and relatives that refuse to admit that they have a problem; whom try to take the first step, but retreat when their foot is half way in the door; or they get their foot in the door but fear to take the next step. I have sat there and comforted one relative--who was in panting tears--because she could not get herself to go to the first bariatric meeting that she had set up. She could not get her self to get up and go because she FEARED that if she went through with it, she'd have to let go of the one constant comfort in her life--food--and she was not ready.

It takes strength and courage to do have done what we post-op people have done. So, when someone asks, "How much weight have you lost?" I readily reply, "Almost 100 pounds." At first, I felt the emotional internal response of, how embarrassing or I should be ashamed that I had to lose that much, but I do not feel that anymore. I needed help, I got help, and I have worked hard to change my life style and habits, and I SHOULD NOT and WILL NOT be ashamed of my numbers.

I have made peace with my past and have began my trek forward. Now, there is nothing wrong with being private. Let us remember that people will be people, and sometimes their invasion into what some of us deem private is not purposeful or done in malice. They are just in awe of our transformation and their curiosity gets the better of them.

I wish all of you the best of luck, both externally and internally.

Edited May 14, 201412 yr by Curvy

I say, I lost "a small person", or "a lot", or "way more than I should have had to". I smile and leave no more room for further questions.

@@LipstickLady

hey bud

why would they need to ask you any more questions

OP probably melted after seeing your lovely smile and new self

kathy

congrats

<p>I didn't feel weird at 30 pounds. Or 40. Or 50, 60, 70. Now when people ask, I simply say, I lost "a small person", or "a lot", or "way more than I should have had to". I smile and leave no more room for further questions.<br><br> </p>

Sometimes when some have asked how much, I answer " a 5th grader " . I must admit that I watch them trying to do that math! I am going lift your "more than I should have had to" . Perfect answer for a nosy question.

Aw, this is why income on here so often. I love all the humor, support and compassion. I think making peace with my past will set me free, but I'm still getting there. I think saying that I lost a small person or making up a ridiculous number like 5lbs or 250lbs might be a jokey way to dodge the question from friendly curiousity,

I have lost 80 so far bad probably have another 80 to go. I will probably stop saying a number. I feel so much better, but don't want them doing the math or saying wow you really were big.

Before surgery, I was a diehard member of the "will never tell a soul besides family" club. I am immensely private person!

When I was asked for the first time what I was doing to lose weight, I thought about it- tell the truth or omit the truth. I opted to tell the truth. At the end of the day, I'm so proud of myself for how far I've come in such a short time. The people who are asking about my weight loss are all people who are genuinely interested in hearing about my progress. While I'm also not hounded for specific numbers by people, I am okay in sharing my stats of weight lost so far. My hope is that my co-workers and customers share my success story with someone who might benefit from this surgery. If I can help inspire even 1 person, that's just icing on my proverbial cake

(Surgery 1/21/14. HW 290, CW 207, GW 175, 5'9", 24 years old)

I only do that because it's funny and I don't feel like talking about my weight or how much I've lost all day all night. After awhile it's all people want to talk about with you and my mind just needs a break. So I make a joke to end the conversation. It's okay to dodge a question it doesn't automatically mean you haven't accepted who you used to be. Anyway I'm more concentrated on who I am today than who I was 10 years ago. That girl is long gone.

Aw, this is why income on here so often. I love all the humor, support and compassion. I think making peace with my past will set me free, but I'm still getting there. I think saying that I lost a small person or making up a ridiculous number like 5lbs or 250lbs might be a jokey way to dodge the question from friendly curiousity,