female only even after all this time... struggling with the whole "you eat like a bird"

[gomekast 559]

I got his reaction two weeks ago from my mom. She told me some relatives thought I was sick because I wasn't eating much. It was a family funeral and all the food was either made with 100% butter or full fat cool whip and regular Jello. No thanks.

But it did bother me. She told me I hardly eat now...which in all reality im stuffing something into my pie hole that's sustenance 6 times a day. Its just small portions.

Do I think its annoying?? Yeah...because like Cowgirl Jane said...no one questions someone with half a plate of sugary crap before them..polished off with 3 pieces of cake and pie.

What I really wanted to tell her was to keep what she THINKS I should eat to herself.

Someone above me eluded to something about having eating disorders if your bothered by those comments. I have to disagree there.

Sometimes, we just want to stop feeling like everyone is judging us....between the pre op weights we endured and the behaviors we dealt with then, to the hardly eating comments after...its all judging someone else and yes...we wish it would just stop.

My solution for my mom?? I will have to educate her more on why I choose to eat healthy and stick with the rules for my sleeve.

To Cowgirl Jane...I know where you're coming from...I darn near took my mom out with a Quest bar and some cashews over her comment.

[Kooky1 96]

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I think it's annoying, too, and I am far from being over sensitive about ANYTHING. There is a big diff between a casual "you aren't eating much, are you?" and someone who tries to turn it into a full blown conversation. If I say that I'm not very hungry (with a smile) there really is nothing more to discuss. And no, this is not indicative of a current eating disorder at all.

I don't mention your gray roots, how funny looking your child is, how many carbs and chemicals you are eating, your husband's propensity to talk to my boobs, how unflattering your dress is, that your house smells like a cat box, etc. No, not an eating disorder... Manners.

Edited June 24, 2014 by LipstickLady

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

there is little difference between "you eat like a bird" and "you eat like a pig." both are judgements about how you are eating. which is a boundary violation. unless someone is an intimate and is actually expressing loving concern about what you are eating... its not anyone's business.

but as a former nursing mom and the homeschooling parent of 2 high needs kids... i can personally attest to people's fondness for commenting on things that are none of their business and that they usually know nothing about, to complete strangers.

[gomekast 559]

I think it's annoying, too, and I am far from being over sensitive about ANYTHING. There is a big diff between a casual "you aren't eating much, are you?" and someone who tries to turn it into a full blown conversation. If I say that I'm not very hungry (with a smile) there really is nothing more to discuss. And no, this is not indicative of a current eating disorder at all. I don't mention your gray roots, how funny looking your child is, how many carbs and chemicals you are eating, your husband's propensity to talk to my boobs, how unflattering your dress is, that your house smells like a cat box, etc. No, not an eating disorder... Manners.

This is why your my hero Lipstick!!

[JerseyCityGal 231]

I think it's annoying, too, and I am far from being over sensitive about ANYTHING. There is a big diff between a casual "you aren't eating much, are you?" and someone who tries to turn it into a full blown conversation. If I say that I'm not very hungry (with a smile) there really is nothing more to discuss. And no, this is not indicative of a current eating disorder at all.

I don't mention your gray roots, how funny looking your child is, how many carbs and chemicals you are eating, your husband's propensity to talk to my boobs, how unflattering your dress is, that your house smells like a cat box, etc. No, not an eating disorder... Manners.

Did I say "small talk" or "full blown conversation"?

I said "small talk". Different proposition.

Edited June 24, 2014 by JerseyCityGal

[JerseyCityGal 231]

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

Do you really need someone to point out the difference between small talk and a deliberate insult? Seriously?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

Do you really need someone to point out the difference between small talk and a deliberate insult? Seriously?

Noting that you are very recently sleeved, not near goal and have not lived with any if the "aftermath" of going from morbidly obese to thin in a relatively short period of time, you have very possibly not heard how snide some of the "eating like a bird" comments are. Yes, some of them are clearly insults or judgmental and that opinion does not come from your assumption (you know what people say about assuming ) of psychological issues or an eating disorder.

[lsereno 2,525]

I still get comments but stick with a few stock answers;

To waiters: "I'm full, thanks!. It was great!"

To close friends, family: "Yep, this is how I eat to stay at goal. It's important to me to stay healthy."

To acquaintances and strangers: I just laugh it off and say something like "it works for me!"

I also get:

"You're so tiny!" Reply: "Thanks, I feel great!"

"How do you stay so skinny?" Reply: "Weight loss surgery! It's successful if you work it!"

"You eat that?" Reply: " I can eat anything in small amounts."

Lynda

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

So, the real issue is that it is my body and I don't criticize or comment on people eating really junky or drinking booze like a fish but they somehow feel free to comment on me eating healthy foods in healthy quantities. I can handle it, but I do wonder why people feel entitled to judge my eating when I am a normal weight/BMI/size (I am not underweight and I have very healthy labs - I eat healthy).

It has been 6 weeks since I posted this and the person who I was eating with knows me better now and I have straightened him out and he now leaves me alone on this topic since it was becoming very annoying. He eats HUGE portions I have no idea why he doesn't weigh 400# but I would never say that..haha

JerseyCityGal - are you stating or implying that I have an eating disorder because I don't particularly enjoy having my food intake monitored and commented on? It is interesting that neither my counselor, weight loss surgeon, nutritionalist or primary care physician share that opinion but I guess me ranting about getting grief over eating light is enough evidence for this diagnosis? Please accept my apologies if I have misunderstood your statement:

"You're proving my point. To a person with an eating disorder, it's a hypersensitive boundary thing.

To a normal person, it's called "small talk"."

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

i personally dont give a rats ass about what others say. i know what people say is about them, not me. but to some people, it really bothers them. everyone is different.

You're proving my point. To a person with an eating disorder, it's a hypersensitive boundary thing.

To a normal person, it's called "small talk".

[Kooky1 96]

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

Do you really need someone to point out the difference between small talk and a deliberate insult? Seriously?

You're comments are coming off overly defensive as you try to dismiss the OP's feelings on the statements made to her. However you want to view it, the comments insulted the OP.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I've often observed (as have many others) that being overweight is one of the few things that people really feel free to call you on in public. My husband, who has not had the surgery and is obese, was just told this week by someone he hasn't seen in a year "You look like a beach ball" and "You look like Fred Flintstone." He further reports that his eating habits, which are pretty good in public, have been also called out, "You sure don't LOOK like you eat salad all the time," etc. I don't know for sure, but I imagine that really skinny people also have issues with this.

I spent the weekend with friends and I noticed also that in general, people's eating habits were dissected. From the 14 year old teenage incredibly skinny runner who heard at every meal and a lot of times in between "Oh, don't put that platter by Dan! He'll eat all the food on it and the platter besides" to my overweight son who had food pushed on him at every opportunity "What do you mean, no candy at the movie theatre? Live a little, Mom." (We had just eaten dinner and dessert 20 minutes before.) This can be a real problem. The surgery and the results from it have made us hyper focused on this for sure, but I know that I am now very careful about commenting about any plate other than my own. Wish others would be, too.

[gourmetone 394]

I find that just because we decide to change for the better it doesn't change the world only a small part of it, so just Rock-On

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Interesting thread. Thanks for starting it, Cowgirl.

I'm betting (in the US, especially -- which is the FATTEST place in the world, eh?) almost everyone is thinking about food almost all the time. Fat, skinny or "normal" (whatever that is!), our culture teaches us that food is good and food is bad.

In my experience, this doesn't happen in some other cultures like (parts of) France, Netherlands, India, Germany, etc. But it's more likely to be present in cultures where food, eating, cooking are the principal ways of socializing and entertainment.

I agree with all those on this thread who have commented that it's socially inept, if not downright rude, to comment on others' eating and diets.

In fact, it's almost as socially inept / rude / inappropriate / clueless as a BP newbie telling a BP veteran that she has an eating disorder. JerseyCityGal, lrn2lurk.

[pjpanda 129]

I never did understand why people use "you eat like a bird" with a negative connotation. it's just plain stupid, a bird has a high metabolism and is consistently eating. A bird eats about 1/2 it's weight in food daily and still remains thin. No human can eat like a bird although, I for one would love to be able to eat 1/2 my weight and stay thin.

that being said, it's a judgmental comment whether it was meant as small talk or not.