How has your view of others changed since surgery?

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

Over the last month or so, I have noticed an increasing shift in my view of other overweight individuals. Yesterday, a friend of mine who is considered super morbidly obese posted an article about fat acceptance. Part of the article talked about how doctors need to be nicer to obese people and not blame everything on their weight. Most of the rest just talked about how overweight people should be loved no matter what.

Before surgery, I would have completely agreed with 100% of this article. Now that I am on the other side, my perspective has changed drastically. In no way do I think anyone should be put down or pushed around because of their size, or any other part of their appearance for that matter. Everyone is equally deserving of love and respect. However, I have a decreasing tolerance for these "beautiful as you are" campaigns as they relate to obesity. They are basically telling women we are fine the way we are, don't change. The problem is, they are being used as emotional security blankets for so many people to not make the necessary changes to become healthy individuals. How can I, as someone who, until very recently was considered super morbidly obese and had 100% of all my health issues resolved when I lost the weight simply tell other overweight individuals that they are fine the way they are?

I understand doctors so much better now. I was embarrassed and humiliated when my OB/GYN told me a few years ago that I was one of the largest patients she'd ever seen, and she also treats metabolic problems in women. I didn't want to go back after she got upset because I'd gained 40 pounds on metformin. But now I realize one crucial point: doctors are not trying to be cruel, they're telling us a truth we're not ready to hear. That same doctor saved my life when she told me I needed weight loss surgery.

I had to write to my friend privately and tell her just that. I told her I love her and I believe she is a beautiful individual, a talented professional and so gifted in so many areas of her life, but I can no longer tell her that being obese is OK because that's just who she is.

I'm wondering how many others have changed perspective after losing a lot of weight? I hope I'm not coming across as harsh, but I see the years of denial I went through and don't like to see others suffer the same fate. The truth might be heartbreaking for some to hear, but it would be even more heartbreaking to not say something and watch someone slowly suffer.

[makemyownluck 785]

I understand completely where you are coming from... But here's what I think the fat acceptance is trying to accomplish --

EVERYONE has the right to be happy. Regardless of their size. Yes, you could resolve a lot of medical issues by losing weight. Accepting your size doesn't mean you can't be committed to a healthier lifestyle, these aren't mutually exclusive things. But as humans, we all come in different shapes and there's absolutely no reason that anyone should be shamed for it.

I do think there is a difference between "I'm fat and I love being fat!" and "I'm fat and that's okay." But still, to each their own. If someone is happy being 500 lbs, then it's not up to me to tell them they shouldn't be.

I feel like obesity is the last thing that's socially acceptable to discriminate against. An airline doesn't make gay people buy two tickets so their gayness doesn't offend the person sitting next to them... Our society makes any other form of discrimination socially unacceptable, but it's still funny to ridicule a fat person or okay to treat an overweight person like an animal. It's not fair, and the fat acceptance movement, to me, is about getting society to see that no matter how big you are, you're still a human who deserves respect.

No matter how big or small, it's not up to me to tell someone else how to live their life, even if it's under the premise of "it's about your health". Skinny people are just as unhealthy as fat people are, but they don't get shamed for eating potato chips or enjoying an ice cream cone and that's really just not fair.

[StephanieRR 131]

I am in the middle of the road. I definately have changed my view on health and weight matters. I think it took a lot of courage to explain to your friend how you feel. I'm very proud of you or that. I have lost 91 pounds since last June and 50 of that was since my surgery. Like you, all my health issues have disappeared! High Blood Pressure-Gone! Asthma-Gone! Lower back pain-Gone! Neck pain-Gone! I have people tell me all the time how fast I'm walking around now!! I never knew how bad I really felt!! I would have agreed 100% with that article too at one time. I have a very dear friend who I have appoached a couple times out of concern and she flat out refuses to even think of surgery or making changes at this time. I would never, ever want to hurt her feelings or make her feel different from others. Especially since I have been there. So thumbs up to you and I hope you can continue to encourage your friend. Congrats on your great success!! : )

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

i have been on both sides

(normal weight) and super morbid obese

when i was super morbid, i knew it and did not need anyone to tell me that i needed to lose weight.and i knew what needed to be done to lose weight...it was up to me to either do it or not..'

i would not say anything to anyone as i know how it (feels/would have felt etc).... if i am asked, then i will offer my story.....when i see someone who is struggling being overweight, my heart hurts..people can be happy in their life choice....just some are healthier..

[piercedqt78 658]

I'm 200% with your friend that doctors need to look beyond just weight. I spent 35 years of my life with an auto-immune disorder and was told my pain, and joint problems were all weight related. Well now I'm 110 pounds on a good day and my pain and joint problems are still here. The only difference is now that I'm no longer fat they actually looked at my health and didn't dismiss me. I have a diagnosis, is it what I wanted? no, is it the hand I was dealt? Yes. But I could have avoided 5 surgeries if I had been taken seriously from the first doctor, and not just dismissed for being fat. I had a doctor tell me that I tore my rotator cuff because of being morbidly obese.

[mandajean1182 11]

I'm 200% with your friend that doctors need to look beyond just weight. I spent 35 years of my life with an auto-immune disorder and was told my pain, and joint problems were all weight related. Well now I'm 110 pounds on a good day and my pain and joint problems are still here. The only difference is now that I'm no longer fat they actually looked at my health and didn't dismiss me. I have a diagnosis, is it what I wanted? no, is it the hand I was dealt? Yes. But I could have avoided 5 surgeries if I had been taken seriously from the first doctor, and not just dismissed for being fat. I had a doctor tell me that I tore my rotator cuff because of being morbidly obese.

Wow that's crazy! It really makes me wonder how many people they just brush off and dismiss without doing any real research, just because the person is overweight!

My sister is morbidly obese and she is always sick and can't get pregnant. The drs have told her it is her weight. She said they have run tests and all that so I guess you never know if the actual cause is the weight.

My view for overweight people has not really changed. My perspective of dieting has changed though. I see everyone around me starting the new fad diets every few months and I just want to shake them and tell them if they don't change their eating habits DRASTICALLY, they won't lose weight. At least in a healthy way.

[skinnygirlwithin 693]

My view for overweight people has not really changed. My perspective of dieting has changed though. I see everyone around me starting the new fad diets every few months and I just want to shake them and tell them if they don't change their eating habits DRASTICALLY, they won't lose weight. At least in a healthy way.

As I read all of the above posts.... the above quote is actually how i feel... I feel for people that are overweight & know how awful the struggles can be.... (been there... done that...)

- but my view of dieting has totally changed... watching how all these woman i work with, struggle with this diet or that diet... i watch their ups & downs... they are good for a few days then blow it 1/2 way through the week... and i completely agree if they don’t change their habits, they won’t lose weight...

Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results…that is the same thing about how we USE to approach dieting… and that’s what I see for all of my friends & how they struggle… i can see clearly now that i am where i am...

[cutlass6521 127]

I agree completely with you Princess!!! You have hit the nail on the head. For most of us our health problems can be linked back to one thing..being over weight. Knee problems, sleep disorders, diabetes etc. For a few, these problems will continue to plague them for life, but without weight issues the doctors can help you.

Like your friend, I dismissed every doctors opinion. I would tell myself that it is just in the family, old age spread, blood disorder etc causing me to be fat. Well, what a load of crap that was, convincing myself this is true. I am fat because I eat too much, poor nutrition choices and no exercise. My motto use to be "fitness kills-don't become a victim"

My wake-up call came last year. Spring 2013 I ended up with a skin infection in my leg-went to an emergency walk-in clinic. The doctor there was kind and very efficient. No blood clot, but this type of problem was going to continue. Antibiotics fixed up the leg and he put my on metformin, blood pressure medication. He also told me that he use to be a non-believer on WLS...until his friend had it done. Both the doctor and the friend are overweight, and diabetic. His friend dropped 100lbs and no more health issues, diabetes gone. This got me thinking, maybe all the doctors back home were right? Then I went for a yearly check-up (oh I hated these). ECG is abnormal. What?? found out I have a small blockage-now I am taking Lipitor. Then in the fall, my knee gave out. Referred to a sports medicine specialist-she said, we cannot help you. you need knee replacement and NO surgeon will touch you. I talked to both of these doctors about WLS they all said they would sign off consent for me to have it done. Whoa!!! 3 doctors plainly said-GET IT DONE.

Long story short, I got it done. Do I regret it? Hell no. I sure don't miss shopping in the plus size section wondering if they have my size. I don't miss getting that look on an airplane when someone must squeeze in beside me.

I agree that you have to love yourself and be happy the way you are. 99% of us will never be a size 2, so to hell with that idea. Get down to a healthy weight you can maintain and accept who you are. If 180lbs make you feel happy, healthy and comfortable for the rest of your life-do it. Forget about being 110lbs-you will make yourself miserable.

Now when I look at people, I don't criticize them-I think, Hmm, WLS would change this persons life.

I have dropped 55 ugly pounds since last Christmas. I am off all medications. I originally was ashamed to tell anyone what I had done. That shame is now gone. Now, I praise the benefits of WLS and will encourage anyone who is thinking about having it done.

[squeaker31 65]

Here is what I don't like about linking health directly to weight. Every person is different and many obese people never get diabetes. I don't think it's fair to judge someone's health and lifestyle by their weight alone. I have a friend who is overweight but can't get approved for surgery because she has no other health issues.

How much time do you spend thinking about a thin persons medical issues even though they could have plenty. Because weight is so out there, it becomes open for judgement.

I think everyone has a right to feel good and that may very well include weight loss, for many many people it does. But if it doesn't I don't think an outside person can judge without any facts besides their looks.

And the doctor thing I think the same principal applies. People should be treated as individuals. Doctors should not be afraid to say that weight is causing problems but they should also not blow off all concerns as due to weight. My mom had this also with undiagnosed thyroid disease. She was fatigued all the time and they just said lose weight.

[Andrew0929 1,102]

Over the last month or so, I have noticed an increasing shift in my view of other overweight individuals. Yesterday, a friend of mine who is considered super morbidly obese posted an article about fat acceptance. Part of the article talked about how doctors need to be nicer to obese people and not blame everything on their weight. Most of the rest just talked about how overweight people should be loved no matter what. Before surgery, I would have completely agreed with 100% of this article. Now that I am on the other side, my perspective has changed drastically. In no way do I think anyone should be put down or pushed around because of their size, or any other part of their appearance for that matter. Everyone is equally deserving of love and respect. However, I have a decreasing tolerance for these "beautiful as you are" campaigns as they relate to obesity. They are basically telling women we are fine the way we are, don't change. The problem is, they are being used as emotional security blankets for so many people to not make the necessary changes to become healthy individuals. How can I, as someone who, until very recently was considered super morbidly obese and had 100% of all my health issues resolved when I lost the weight simply tell other overweight individuals that they are fine the way they are? I understand doctors so much better now. I was embarrassed and humiliated when my OB/GYN told me a few years ago that I was one of the largest patients she'd ever seen, and she also treats metabolic problems in women. I didn't want to go back after she got upset because I'd gained 40 pounds on metformin. But now I realize one crucial point: doctors are not trying to be cruel, they're telling us a truth we're not ready to hear. That same doctor saved my life when she told me I needed weight loss surgery. I had to write to my friend privately and tell her just that. I told her I love her and I believe she is a beautiful individual, a talented professional and so gifted in so many areas of her life, but I can no longer tell her that being obese is OK because that's just who she is. I'm wondering how many others have changed perspective after losing a lot of weight? I hope I'm not coming across as harsh, but I see the years of denial I went through and don't like to see others suffer the same fate. The truth might be heartbreaking for some to hear, but it would be even more heartbreaking to not say something and watch someone slowly suffer.

I agree with you. I've struggled with excessive weight my entire life, but was never accepting of it and wanted to lose weight the entire time.

Now with 114 pounds gone I find myself less tolerant of overweight people that really push the acceptance angle. I was super obese for many years but hated every minute and at least made ongoing attempts to change.

My niece recently posted a video on Facebook that is entitled "the new way to workout" which shows a man exercising and between each rep biting pizza or French fries, etc.

My niece is super obese and I found that video sickening and not at all funny. I'd have thought the same way before surgery but feel more strongly about it now.

[makemyownluck 785]

My niece recently posted a video on Facebook that is entitled "the new way to workout" which shows a man exercising and between each rep biting pizza or French fries, etc.

My niece is super obese and I found that video sickening and not at all funny. I'd have thought the same way before surgery but feel more strongly about it now.

For the record, I don't think that video is about fat acceptance, but is, instead, perpetuating a stereotype or joke about fat people. Your niece may actually think it's funny, but part of me can't help but wonder if she's trying to make it seem as if she's unaffected by her weight. I'm 99% sure that she's NOT okay with being obese, but it's easier to play along and make the joke on yourself before someone makes the joke on you and shames you for simply being what you are.

As someone who has been overweight for my entire life, I can say that at no point in my life has anyone EVER said it was okay to be fat. Ever. It was always shameful. It was always "you have such a pretty face" or "you'd be so cute if you lost some weight" or just plain rude "you're so fat" comments.

Fat acceptance is only about NOT SHAMING/RIDICULING other people for their size. If some people wanna take it to the "I'M FAT AND FABULOUS" level, then sobeit, but the point is for people not to be ashamed of who and what they are. It's not healthy to live that way and the damage of doing so can take a lifetime to undo (and is usually impossible to erase the emotional scars it causes).

I think this whole movement is unnecessary in that we should just respect everyone anyway, but obviously overweight people are teased and bullied quite a lot and there has to be some way for them to feel better about themselves and not hate who they see in the mirror. Perhaps if I had some of that positivity in my life growing up, I wouldn't continue to hate myself every single day, even after losing so much of my weight.

Feeling worthless because of your size is not pleasant and it is NOT justified. No one asks to be overweight. We can't loathe ourselves into being smaller. The point is to love thyself! NO MATTER WHAT! I have a whole life of being shamed to overcome before I can come close to accepting myself at ANY size. This movement could help this generation or the next avoid these emotions, and I'm all for that.

It really hurts my heart that former overweight people would become less compassionate just because they are on the other side of the fence now.

[scootergirl 118]

The biggest change I have notice in myself is that I get physically uncomfortable when I see folks eating typical sized portions of food. (which were often small portions for my old self!). Even my husband can send me running from the table 'cause he eats a lot of food (and often goes for seconds). My new stomach cramps and aches as I see pre-surgery amounts of food in front of non-surgery friends/family. I will confess to also finding myself gettin' a little righteous that everyone seems to eat more than they need to. Hey, wasn't I one of them only a few months ago?

[redlove1446 42]

@@makemyownluck "It really hurts my heart that former overweight people would become less compassionate just because they are on the other side of the fence now." 100% Agree.

Edited May 14, 2014 by redlove1446