Am I FAT? Please tell me.

[CBT 450]

I wish I had more time to reply. Maybe I can come back later...I'm wondering if your "I'm fat" tape plays because as you stated "if I'm being honest I don't work out and my calories are creeping." (Something to that effect)

Sometimes instead if taking behavioral action on these stinkin thoughts, we just play the self deprecating tape over and over. Just something to observe.

If you're saying you "should work out" as part of your recovery and you are not working out, then you go through the mental exercise of shoulding on yourself...yuk. Lol.

Am I making sense?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Our minds play such dirty little tricks on us..... When I was 315 pounds, I knew I was fat but I still thought I looked good.... Until I would see myself in pictures and ask my partner, "Why didn't you tell me I was this fat?".

Conversely, now I have lost almost 80 pounds and think I still look the same as I did 80 pounds heavier. I know I don't fit into my old clothes, I know I have bought sizes way smaller than I thought I would, I know I am more physically active and comfortable.... But I can't wrap my head around the fact that I shrunk (shrank?)...

Aside from the head games, when I look at your profile, I wonder if you have excess skin that could account for the weight you want to lose? Maybe your body is where it is suppose to be?

Either way, I am in awe of your accomplishments and think you look amazingly beautiful.

Regarding not thinking you were as heavy as you were - I also did that! I had a different picture in my head - somewhere between where I am now, and where I was at my heaviest. Strange thing....

As for excess skin, yes, I have that. I think plastic surgery would knock off a couple more pounds, but not sure when (or if) I'll do that. So, I'm trying to get a place where I think I'm good and just accept the weight, whatever number it may be. That's what prompted me to ask the question of others here, thinking people would be honest about what they see, since I can't realistically tell right now.

Thanks for your response and kind words!

[Beach Lover 1,084]

You look absolutely fantastic!! If you were in a group of people you would blend in totally as a normal size person with a fantastic figure! Great job!! I do understand your plight however because I am the same way. I have now lost 100 pounds and when I see myself in pictures I just don't see the new me. It drives me absolutely crazy!!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

No you are not fat! You are a human being

Now, if you want to "tone" things up you do need to do some exercise. How about strength training (you can do that even with a bad knee). In the last three months I have only lost 13 pounds but I am more and more happy with how my body looks because of the exercise that I am doing. I am at goal, in maintenance but now am focused on being fit and STRONG!

Maybe that is where you are conflicted. At a certain point losing weight will NOT look good, because you're not just losing fat, you're losing muscle and we can look shriveled up or flabby skinny. But have a defined physique (not necessarily muscle-y) may cause us to put on a few pounds, but we will LOOK smaller and tighter and firmer and BE STRONGER.

Strong is so empowering. Losing the weight has been so wonderful for me, it has given me my life back, but being STRONG is invigorating, it makes me feel like I can conquer my day, my problems, be adventurous, be confident.

You are not fat. You are beautiful. You have worked hard towards your goals. Remember your body is your vehicle, take care of it, strenghten it and appreciate all the hard work it does for you!

Oh, and by the way, BMI is a horrible, disgusting thing that is unrealistic for women (not sure about men). If I weighed 120 pounds I would look like I just got out of the hospital after being in a coma. It is unrealistic and unhealthy to make women think in those terms. Look at your lean body mass and work on increasing muscle, that is a much better "number" or indicator to look at.

I agree, the BMI seems outdated to me. I'm a registered nurse, and grounded in science, so I have a hard letting go of it. Many health professionals don't really agree with it, but it continues to be used as a standard in this country, adding to my distress of hitting that number!

I used to exercise, but then I got a new job, knee needs to be replaced, blah blah blah - all excuses!! I think you have great advice about being strong - I do like it when I feel like I can DO anything! Not sure my body would be defined much even with exercise, though. I'm 51 and was heavy a long time, but I'm certainly sure it can't hurt. Thanks for the thoughtful answer, kind words, and good advice.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I don't think you look fat. You look pretty normal to me.

Thank you. Normal is good (to me)

[greensleeve 457]

You look small to me! Not fat at all. How tall are you?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

You look WONderful! Congratulations on coming so far! NO, you do NOT look fat in the least! And the idea that you might have excess skin that would account for the remaining 9 lbs is absolutely inspired; could it be correct?

There are ways to exercise that won't adversely affect your knee. (This from one who HATES exercise, but that's a different issue.) Think Water aerobics and/or swimming laps, or using an eliptical machine that allows the knees to stay straight (I have one - it has clothes piled on it. ) And here's a link to a web site where you can find an exercise program that you can do sitting down: www.bobbywhisnand.com.

Perhaps some therapy is in order? There are therapists who specialize in treating WLS patients... Best wishes!

Thanks for your response. I do have to rethink exercise. Hate to do it until I'm doing it, then I love it. I bet it would make a difference - I'm just lazy, lol! But you answered my question, which was how do I look to you, and I appreciate that. It's not so much a question of can I lose, or how do I lose, it was more of a question of should I lose. From all the responses I'm getting here, I'm starting to shift my thinking from healthy BMI to just healthy (subtle but big difference). Funny how we can get fixated and forget the original intent - mine was just to be normal and healthy. Looks were never much of an influence in my decision for WLS. Thanks again!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

You look small to me! Not fat at all. How tall are you?

I'm 5'4" (almost). Thank you for your response!

[LIL RED 62]

You look awesome, no fat anywhere! My brain used to tell me you aren't that big andI was. Don't let it drive you crazy. Honestly, you look as if you've been that size all your life.

[lsereno 2,525]

Hi there,

You look good to me. Everyone is different and goal weight and BMI is such a personal issue!

My Dr. told me that people with overweight BMI who exercised were healthier than those with normal BMI that did not. My takeaway is that my Dr. considered overweight BMI healthy enough and getting to normal BMI is a vanity goal.

To me, the bigger struggle is staying at goal weight, whatever that is for you. It's so easy for weight to creep back on and a little creep over time can mean big gain down the line. Once that goal weight is set, it's important to stay there.

I think we all have remnants of the fat brain, and physical reminders that we were once obese. My skin is looser than I'd like and there are flabby areas that are not going away without surgery. But overall, I'm happy with my look. My skin is not bad enough for me to want surgery.

Lynda

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

@@MichiganChic

By your photos you don't appear fat. I'll say that no you are not. I think the real question is could you lose more weight for better heath? Only you can get those answers from medical professionals. Get your body fat % checked, get your blood panels checked and perhaps do start some kind of fitness routine. Everyone should have some kind of fitness routine regardless if they are overweight or not. That said, you look really great to me. But it should be about so much more than how we look. Good luck.

Edited April 14, 2014 by LilMissDiva

[soocalchic 1,087]

Um yes.. yes you are still fat or what is referred to as "skinny fat" work on your muscle tone as you start to feel stronger the "am I still fat" thoughts will disappear. They did for me, hope this helps get those thoughts out of your head.. You're a very pretty lady sometimes out thoughts and fears sabotage our success.

Edited April 14, 2014 by soocalchic

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

if you arent able to control the negative thoughts in your head, you may want to consult a therapist. therapists are good at helping people deal with issues like this.

[VSG AJH 499]

You seriously look fantastic, but I understand that internal commentary. Hang in there!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

No, you are not fat...... Yes, you look great. You are so like my daughter, who has had a bypass, she does not really SEE what is in the mirror, or on the photos. It's as though there is a disconnect in her head. She just SEES what is in her memory. She wears size ten, although her ideal is size eight.... But, like you, looks absolutely fabulous. It reminds me of an eating disorder, and concerns me that she may take it too far. I really think that you, like her, cannot forget where you have come from, and remember all the emotions attached to being bigger, wanting to be smaller, healthier, fitter and happier. Now your there, stop beating yourself up, and take time out to enjoy it. Celebrate your success.

I wish my skin was elastic as my memory, lol! I can't forget what I looked like, either. Thank you for the wonderful advice, and it's what I'd tell my friend or daughter, too. In my case, I see what's in the mirror, think "ok, good enough", but then that BMI makes me think "nope, still fat", and then I see the old fat, and rinse and repeat. That's why I've sought the outside council (all of you) of others who have been there. It's really not such a deep seated emotional issue as it is a reality check for me.