Rant!

[Skywalker 170]

Her arrogance is beyond obnoxious. Any move you make to end your friendship will only make her believe your jealousy caused you to do it.

This reminds me of a "friend" of mine (and I use that term loosely), who would refuse to answer my emails to talk about our issues for years on end, and then when he needed something, come to my husband and go, "Is she still mad at me? Does she still hate me? She's so mean." #whine

And gmanbat, great response. This site is good not only for WLS info, but also some great psychological insights. Good stuff as always.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Set your ground rule. We do not discuss surgery and weight loss again. Enough is enough. If she persists drop her. Life is about being around people who make you feel great, not drag you down! Best wishes!

[dragonflylvr21 161]

The sad reality for me is that I need to end the friendship! Yesterday we had an early dinner together and it went sour fast! I actually left before eating! She told me that she has the right to feel the way she does and that as her friend I should take it! She actually said.... "Does the truth hurt?" Well the truth is ... She's a bully and I am a grown damn woman so I walked away!

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Everyone has his or her own truth, based on his or her own experience. Maybe it's age and a few hard knocks, but I don't give a lot of advice on peoples' personal choices anymore, because I never know when a little "humbler" will come my way and I will be proven wrong. (The biggest one outside of WLS that I can think of, is other peoples' marriages. You just never know what someone else is going through until you have walked a mile in their shoes. But don't we love to criticize, as a general rule??)

In any case, there's no excuse for being rude and hurtful. Good for you, for walking away.

[dragonflylvr21 161]

Fluff - I agree 100% ... But I have given and given and I am all given out!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Good for you. No one needs "friends" like that.

[gmanbat 5,889]

The sad reality for me is that I need to end the friendship! Yesterday we had an early dinner together and it went sour fast! I actually left before eating! She told me that she has the right to feel the way she does and that as her friend I should take it! She actually said.... "Does the truth hurt?" Well the truth is ... She's a bully and I am a grown damn woman so I walked away!

I'm your friend.....does the truth hurt?

Edited March 15, 2014 by gmanbat

[dragonflylvr21 161]

See .... this is where this gets tricky! My truth is ... I love my band and MY surgery choice! Her truth is .. She lost 125 lbs and looks great! I haven't and she thinks my surgery choice was a mistake! She can think what ever she wants and I respect that! I asked her to respect my choice and just be my friend! So her weight loss or success as she sees it ... Well I don't see it the same way ..... so ... No the truth of how she lost her weight doesn't hurt!!!! The way she treats me does! NOW don't beat me up for saying that! I am just being honest! For ME her weight loss and surgery choice wasn't one I would have chosen! Many have and it works for them!

This isn't about surgery or weight loss ... It's about respect and I got the short end of the stick!

Hurt... Yes ... but not by her truth!

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

It's crazy. I have a good friend who was sleeved 4 months before I was. My rate of loss has been a bit faster. Don't know why. We both exercise, I'm pretty sure she is eating reasonably.

Take the surgery types away from the equation and imagine if I gave her crap about her rate of loss, and told her constantly she must be doing something wrong, or she must be sorry. It's the opposite! We do not discuss the differences in our experience unless we are dealing with a specific question. And when we do discuss, it is in the most supportive and loving of ways. In the end, we are both losing our excess weight, and it doesn't really matter who gets there first.

So your friend's insistence on "telling the truth" is just crazy. If YOU are happy with your experience, then as a friend she needs to be.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

See .... this is where this gets tricky! My truth is ... I love my band and MY surgery choice! Her truth is .. She lost 125 lbs and looks great! I haven't and she thinks my surgery choice was a mistake! She can think what ever she wants and I respect that! I asked her to respect my choice and just be my friend! So her weight loss or success as she sees it ... Well I don't see it the same way ..... so ... No the truth of how she lost her weight doesn't hurt!!!! The way she treats me does! NOW don't beat me up for saying that! I am just being honest! For ME her weight loss and surgery choice wasn't one I would have chosen! Many have and it works for them!

This isn't about surgery or weight loss ... It's about respect and I got the short end of the stick!

Hurt... Yes ... but not by her truth!

There is no truth in what she is doing to you. just arrogance and pride and selfishness on her part... As my daughter says " who needs enemies"

This will hurt I know I lost all but one friend since I had my surgery. There is a light though. Plenty of other people to get to know and build a relationship with.

It has nothing to do with your surgery choice. Like you I feel it is up to each and everyone of us to be able to chose and not to be criticized for our choice.

Friends who don't realize that it is not "all about them" are not friends. There is always an interchange of communication and give and take.... she has taken too much and gone too far!

I am so proud of you for standing your ground...

We are here anytime you need to talk to us about how you are dealing with this..I know it is very painful.....

Thinking of you as you deal with this new aspect of your personal journey.

Jane

Edited March 15, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[gmanbat 5,889]

The test of worthy ship is seen in a storm, not dry docked in calm weather.

Many superficial friendships last for years because of no test. People stay in relationships because it is fulfilling a need of their own. It is the rare and glorious friend who is really there for you. I have some...my wife is number one. No guessing, she's hung in there through my misbehavior, my cancer, my depressions, my poverty. I wouldn't trade her for 10 supermodels.

[CBT 450]

The sad reality for me is that I need to end the friendship! Yesterday we had an early dinner together and it went sour fast! I actually left before eating! She told me that she has the right to feel the way she does and that as her friend I should take it! She actually said.... "Does the truth hurt?" Well the truth is ... She's a bully and I am a grown damn woman so I walked away!

Sorry to read about the end of a friendship. Regarding relationships, I tell my kids, "you can be right and be all alone OR you can find ways to be effective." Taking a break or ending the friendship seems like a healthy move for you.

[Skywalker 170]

The sad reality for me is that I need to end the friendship! Yesterday we had an early dinner together and it went sour fast! I actually left before eating! She told me that she has the right to feel the way she does and that as her friend I should take it! She actually said.... "Does the truth hurt?" Well the truth is ... She's a bully and I am a grown damn woman so I walked away!

That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. I had a friend who was putting me down in numerous small ways, and would deflect the issue when I tried to talk to him about it. I wanted this guy to be a friend for life, and stuck by him through a lot. Ultimately, I got tired of the verbal abuse (as well as being his ATM machine), so I walked away. After several years away from him, I had a new perspective. I found I didn't need him as much as I once thought I did, and saw his behaviors (that have not changed) as ridiculous, where once I had accepted them as part of dealing with him.

True friends are few. When we find the genuine ones, we should hang on and really nurture that friendship. For the others, don't waste too much energy on them, since the time/energy we have to spend in this life is limited anyway.

And to supplement what gman said, here's a quote by Robin Williams that has really stood out for me:

Edited March 16, 2014 by Skywalker

[Chickie D 76]

I'm sorry to read this and you should feel good about what you've done....you told her how you were feeling and that what she was doing was hurtful. She made a decision about how to respond to that.

She does have the right to feel as she does and you have an equal right not to listen to her feelings 100% of the time.

I hope you are feeling ok. It's hard to lose a friend.

xo

The sad reality for me is that I need to end the friendship! Yesterday we had an early dinner together and it went sour fast! I actually left before eating! She told me that she has the right to feel the way she does and that as her friend I should take it! She actually said.... "Does the truth hurt?" Well the truth is ... She's a bully and I am a grown damn woman so I walked away!

[fit2Bme2014 38]

Looking back at your friendship, can you see other instances where she was insensitive like this? If so I would definitely reconsider your friendship with her. If not, I would say something to her like Leeper suggested, you're happy for her and you appreciate her support, as well. Sorry you're going through this right now. Just keep reminding yourself that you're doing this for you, and that you've chosen the best way to do this for you.