Although my husband is supportive and tells me when I talk to him about this, he does find me attractive, I know he is too nice of a guy to tell me what I see.

I look and feel disgusting, I am so disappointed with myself. I have no self esteem, feel lots of anxiety, mixed with my weight makes me not trust my husband and be paranoid about everything he does, every person he talks to at work etc...this is not the kind of life I want. And not the kind he wants either I'm sure. He is a good person, good husband...has some issues himself of social anxiety and so when he does finally make headway and talk to someone at work (and it happens that his job has more females) I get very paranoid, argue etc and end up ruining social events for us. I know this is something that is not going to last in the long run. I am always the biggest person in the room. Husband is white and I am not, so I feel like I have 2 things against me...if that makes sense. Not only do I have weight to lose but I feel like I'm competing with other beautiful people and I'm so ugly.

I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I want my husband to find me good looking again, I want those 'feelings' back but instead over time with depression and two kids, my weight is out of control.

The past two days I've been feeling like people around me would be better off without me here. I love my kids but they deserve a better mom. I need help.

Wires,

First and foremost I think that if you have not done so already, it's very important that you reach out for help with your depression. This is VERY treatable and you can speak with your primary doctor, or you can reach out to a psychiatrist for help.

As far as your weight goes, there is hope!! That is very treatable too and you are in the right place to learn more about weight loss surgery and what it can do for you. If you are looking for some hope/inspiration, search for before and after threads on there, there are many where members have posted before and after pics that are wonderful and will make you feel like it's really possible.

Best of luck to you and please call your doctor!

Thank you. Husband called for me today, I was sitting here sobbing and called him. I just feel so lost.

I am at the start of the WLS. Went to see Dr, have appts made for psychologist and nutritionist. I was feeling unsure before but the more I feel like this, the more I want to do the surgery and change my life.

I am very glad to hear it, once you see your doc you will start feeling better very soon.

In the meantime, here is a good thread of before and after pics that you might enjoy: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/217939-i-want-to-see-before-after-pics/

The first step I would encourage you is to talk to a professional counselor. Weight loss surgery will not solve everything. Your husband obviously loves you very much or he would not have married you girl, so try to remember those wonderful days of why you married him and give each other some love and hugs and support. I sincerely wish you the best of luck. There is hope and help for you! Best wishes, God Bless!

I am sorry to hear you feel this way. Believe me, I understand. I gained all of my weight about 8 months after I got together with my boyfriend and developed agorophobia and social anxiety. We've been together for 9 years as of this coming Valentine's Day, and for a year I wouldn't go anywhere with him, and if I did, I was a mess. I was also paranoid about him leaving me.

So I can relate to your feelings and I can also say that you can get through this and thrive.

Please realize that you're doing the right things already. Please, speak to a psyachiatrist AND a psychologist if you can, for right now. The psychiatrist can only prescribe meds. The psychologist will help you to deal with the emotional issues, and how you treat yourself. Remember that the surgery can lead to major depression also, but it sounds like this may be beyond that, and they can help you. It's best to get ones that work together as a team.

Your husband sounds really supportive. Being open with him about your fears is good, but also telling him how he can help you will help HIM. Men like to fix things and get frustrated when they don't know how. Even if it's just a matter of, "I'll be ok, I just need to work through this on my own" will help your relationship. But updating him on your progress with therapy or meds will make a big difference too so that he doesn't feel like you're pushing him away.

You are doing the right thing with your surgery and weight loss goals - you've taken the first steps! You'll get through this.

Also, I honestly was only trying to relate to you, I did not mean to make this post about me at all. I hope that it didn't come off that way. If you want to talk, PM me any time. I log in once a day.

My thoughts are with you and I send you all the positive energy that I can.

It sounds like your hubby not only says "I love you", he DOES "I love you". If you are the one he comes home to at night, don't worry so much about the hen house at work. Chances are he's tired of hearing the chatter all day long and just wants your deliciousness to hug and hold.

He is supportive and wants to help, so roll with it. Like Defying Gravity said, men like to fix things - including the things that make us sad and emotionally weary. Even if he has to put you back together with duck tape and wood glue while you are going through this process, let him do it.

You may be unhealthy right now, but you are not disgusting. My darling gentleman of seven years (who is a tall, lanky thin Mediterranean fellow from the island of Malta - whose ancient goddess is easily a 400 pounder) has never known me thin and will be unfamiliar with the 1/2 of me that is left after my journey. I was so concerned that once I lost my ancient goddess figure in exchange for a more proportionate figure to my shortness, I had to ask him if he felt like he would be missing anything if I lose this weight. He said he just wants me to be healthy.

I think that is what your man wants, too. He wants you to be healthy and happy and around to share his life for a long time. He clearly does not see color and size through the same eyes as you do. A lot of us (including myself) have taken advantage of counseling and medication to help reduce / control anxiety and depression. I call it "better living through chemistry". Wires, there is no disgrace in asking for help.