Keeping it a secret?

[Lucy 0]

I haven't had surgery yet (meeting with my surgeon for the first time on Wednesday!) but I have made the decision to only tell my husband and he is forbidden from telling anyone else. I am a very private person and I don't think it's anyone's business what I choose to do with my body. Maybe someday when all the weight is gone I will be willing to open up about it to close friends or my parents, but for now I want to keep it to myself.

I have done so much research and thinking and planning for this that I don't need to hear anyone else's uneducated thoughts about me taking the "easy way" out or whatever. People always have an opinion and they usually share it, whether you are interested or not. I don't care what other people think, but I don't want to hear it. I am focused on increasing the quality of my life and the only input I need on this is from my husband and my physicians.

Whew! So there!

[marni 0]

I kept it a secret at first then had to tell more family members. Before I had the surgery only my sister, mother, husband and bff knew. It became harder to interact on an eating level with people, i.e. parties, going out to dinner etc.....without them knowing. Everyone kept asking if I was feeling okay becuase I was eating so little. So, I tell. What could they possibly condem me on and who cares! So, I tell when asked!

[Doddie63 6]

Hi; What you are doing, in my mind is great and I intend to follow your example. Why is it though, that if an overweight person starts to loose weight, everyone asks if you are sick?????? Beats me as to the answer. Doddie

[marni 0]

Hi; What you are doing, in my mind is great and I intend to follow your example. Why is it though, that if an overweight person starts to loose weight, everyone asks if you are sick?????? Beats me as to the answer. Doddie

Strangers won't notice but those who knew you before will notice a difference in your eating habits. So, the way I see it is, you either have to fess up to being on a diet. They will roll their eyes and wish you luck as usual. OR you can tell them that you are taking control of your weight and your life and have had the lap band surgery. They always ask about it and what it is and how it is working. So, either way, I figure you have to say something. Also, I don't want to outright lie. AND, to me keeping that truth and giving other answers is lying. When they find out they will be hurt so I just tell them. It's not like I wear a billboard, but if asked, I tell.

[TimeTraveller 0]

5 weeks post-op & 22+ pounds lost and counting, only my immediate family, my boss, my preacher, and really close friends know my secret. Eventually, I too will likely embrace being a "Lap-Band poster boy", but I decided that I didn't want to be under a microscope by everyone at work & church. It is indeed a private matter that only I control who knows my secret.

My wife knew 6 months pre-op, but I told my kids only 1 week pre-op, as well as my parents & siblings. Told my boss the day before surgery just in case anything went wrong, I didn't want him to be blind-sided. I didn't tell anyone else until after my surgery, because I didn't want friends trying to talk me out of it. I have a lot of "thin" friends & coworkers who have been trying to encourage me to get on a regular exercise schedule for eons, and some would have given me the tiresome "eat less and exercise more and it will come off by iself" speech that thin people who don't know what it's like to be overweight believe. So far, 100% of the people I've told have been incredibly supportive and have kept their opinions to themselves if they think I've done the wrong thing.

Regardless, there are some people that I probably will never personally tell -- they'll just have to figure it out themselves or hear it from someone else that I've trusted not to tell. I just don't want my weight to be the constant subject of conversation if I happen to hit a brick wall & plateau for a lengthy period of time. I prefer that people that I don't see on a daily or regular basis not know about it until I've made some really obvious considerable progress several more months down the road. I am looking forward to my next high school reunion, knowing that this time, everyone will be whispering behind my back about how much weight I've lost instead of how much I've gained!

[Doddie63 6]

Hi: Well thought out. Let the weight loss speak for itself. Another funny side will be just think how all those self righteous people will nod and say. I told you so. all you needed was exercise and diet. Who cares if you say under your breath "and the band". Doddie

[tonya66 13]

I kept it a secret at first then had to tell more family members. Before I had the surgery only my sister, mother, husband and bff knew. It became harder to interact on an eating level with people, i.e. parties, going out to dinner etc.....without them knowing. Everyone kept asking if I was feeling okay becuase I was eating so little. So, I tell. What could they possibly condem me on and who cares! So, I tell when asked!

This is the problem I'm having....I am very close to my in-laws and we go out to eat EVERY Friday. However, I do not want to share my surgery with them, Its just something I'm very private about, its my medical right! But........my sister-in-law came right out and asked me over lunch Sunday if I had the lap band done, I about crapped my pants, and I told a bold face lie and said no. I am not a good liar and now I feel horrible, but I also feel that she should not have asked me something so private in public. They are starting to notice how little I eat, and she mentioned I eat like a bird. It makes me want to eat more just to appease them. She said that I've lost so much weight, which I have, but I"m also working out at the gym EVERYDAY, and sometimes twice a day. I make good food choices too.

Even though I chose not to tell anyone, everyone is starting to get suspicious and starting to suspect it. I'm torn on what to do. I'm not ready to tell them, and might not ever be ready. Its something that is private, some people feel they need to share, and that is great, but for me, I do not want to share it.

[ontheway 1]

Wow, this thread was written for me! I am a very open person and am struggling with who to tell, who not to tell. I don't want to be under a microscope - I've been there before due to a loved one's murder - and I never want to have that much pressure on me again if at all possible! During my psych eval, I voiced my concerns and his advice was to not tell until I felt comfortable with it. But I hate keeping secrets! :target: My husband knows and my best friend who had GBP surgery 5 years ago. I have told one other friend because she will have to stay with me the night I come home from the hospital because my hubby has to work. Other than that, it will be on a need to know basis. I will be traveling to see family just 3 weeks after surgery so I am going to have to own up to it with my stepmom because we are staying at her house. Argh. I don't know what else to do but be honest...if someone asks me, I'm going to have to tell the truth...I just cannot lie even though I wish I could....

I'm still pretty confused on this whole issue.

[RAYSBABE 1]

My surgery is tomorrow and it seems that my "secret" has gotten blabbed to more and more people....my bf's mother begged me yesterday not to do it....that was a bit annoying. I hate the fact that people look down on me for this, but I just need to get over it. No one in life is going to agree with everything that you do anyway!

At a little get together last Sunday night, another one of my friend's moms made this comment to "everyone" in the room....."I hate how Hollywood makes all the young girls feel like they have to be skinny, it's just sad!" I knew she was talking to me....she is terrified that her overweight daughter is going to want to do the band also. She has worked to gain weight all her life and she has no idea what this (obesity) is like. I have been warned not to tell her husband because she thinks he will recommend it for their daughter...sad, huh?

My husband is one of those who could care less what anyone thinks or says, and he feels like I should just tell everyone...I just can't seem to do that though...not ready yet.

[kaylali 0]

Ok I love that I found this thread to share how hard it is for me not to talk about this with everyone. I am a hairdresser, enough said. Just kidding, so that is what I do is talk talk and more talking. I consider all of my clients my really good friends, so I decided that it would be one of the first things (ha ha) that I wouldnt share with everyone. Only my husband, 2 sisters and my parents know. This is one of the hardest things to keep from my husbands side of the fam. only because they live right by us. But I do know that they will be oppininated about not getting it. I dont want any negativity about it right now. maybe once it is all said and done I will share it with them. they are going to have to know that somthing is up when they see what I will be eating. But for now I am in the closet with it.

[niki 1]

I've been banded in January 2006 and only told a very limited number of people: husband, parents, in-laws, sister and co-worker - I would rather not, but still, I tought I had to tell them as it wouldn't be much considerate to keep them in the dark.

Anyway, I've always looked at the band as something very private and I don't feel the need to share it with lots of people. Besides, being a truly slow loser, nobody can tell much, the weight loss has not been something dramatic, it goes off very, very slowly and it easily goes on the account of going to the gym 4 times a week and paying attention to what I eat. Of course that if by chance I meet someone with obesity problems and the subject comes up, I'll gladly give out and share all information possible on the matter.

[chimboree26 24]

I have done so much research and thinking and planning for this that I don't need to hear anyone else's uneducated thoughts about me taking the "easy way" out or whatever. People always have an opinion and they usually share it, whether you are interested or not. I don't care what other people think, but I don't want to hear it. I am focused on increasing the quality of my life and the only input I need on this is from my husband and my physicians.

Whew! So there!

I love the part about not needing to hear anyone else's uneducated thoughts...love it, love it, love it! :clap2: I have only told my mom and dad and a couple close friends. They are happy for me. I don't plan on telling anyone else. It's my body and if I want to take advantage of this awesome medical technology to improve my health and my life, well so be it.

[green 6]

I have chosen to be fairly open about it just as I chose to be fairly open about the fact that I suffer from depression and was off work because of this. I view both my weight issues and my problems with depression as being problems which have strong genetic links and which are, therefore, medical issues, not signs that I am a bad or weak person. The truth is that depression is a problem for my family. Another truth is that some of us Greens are fat. This is a matter of bad genetic luck as much as anything else.

Fortunately for me, I live in an era where modern medical technology has developed some techniques for dealing with these problems and I am happy that I am able to profit from this knowledge. This is why I say that I am fairly open about telling people but I sure won't tell people who I feel won't understand and who will be malicious towards me. I figure that the objective of telling people is to share useful information, not to humiliate oneself.

[Doddie63 6]

Hi: It is nobody's business period. To tell or not to tell is entirely up to you. If someone mentions you are loosing weight just say "thank you for noticing" then under your breath "and to the band". Banded Feb. 01/07. I wish I had kept quiet as my sister is no longer speaking to me. She feels I am taking the easy way out while she has to struggle. We can praise the band to all on the website, but again loosing weight is a very private affair where we can be proud of our accomplishments but give no reasons why we are loosing. Doddie.

[green 6]

I don't understand the logic behind this idea that by choosing to be banded one is "taking the easy way out," and yet I hear this all the time. The issue of weight is a complex one and hinges on much more than the simple fact of over-eating. Most of us have tried dieting and have failed many, many times. Many if not most of us have bought herbal remedies and over the counter diet pills in order to lose weight and none of that crap has worked, either.

This is because weight is a complex issue. Having the lap band installed in order to lose weight, and thus to feel both psychologically and physically better and also save your health is certainly not taking the easy way out! It is simply employing a medical technique in order to assist in attacking a problem which is both physical and psychological in its make-up.

The statement that this is 'taking the easy way out' is devoid of all logic in my opinion.