2 months out and may be starting to develope an eating disorder?

[RainbowOreo 2]

I had surgery back in November, and I've been having a rough time adjusting mentally. My depression has gotten worse, my self injury has increased in both severity and frequency, and I think about suicide on a daily basis.

But that's all old news.

What's more concerning to me is that whenever I'm hungry or want food my first thought is always "You don't need it fat***"

Now, usually, I'll think about whether or not to eat for a few minutes before deciding to go ahead and do it, but not always. I've skipped more than one meal this way.

I think the worst part is that there is literally nothing I can do about it. I'm broke. No monies. None. I can't afford any kind of help and even if I could I have no car, and can't drive. And even if I did my mom would not allow me to go get help while I'm living with her, which I have to do because I'm 18, in my first year of college, have no money and no job.

This is literally a completely hopeless situation and I don't know what to do.

[RainbowOreo 2]

And I spelled develop wrong. It's late ok?

[CrazyJaney 775]

Please consider contacting your PCP immediately, being evaluated by An emergent crisis center or go to an Emergency Room. I'm preop so I can't offer advice on much but a swing in moods is normal. If you have previous diagnosis of depression and cutting, were you taking meds? They may need adjustment. Hormones fluctuate with rapid weight loss and trauma. Even without weight loss surgery, your symptoms are serious and you need to seek help immediately. Please, please, please get some help. It's a dark and scary place. It feels hopeless but it's not. Sending thoughts and positive energy to you.

[luvzpitbullz 41]

Honey you need some help. I know what it's like to turn to food to help comfort your soul. But it's short lived and no u don't need it. You said you go to school, they should have resources to help you or point you in the right direction. The important thing is you need to take care of you. Now. Find a state funded program, call a friend, check with your church if you go. Harming yourself isn't the way to let go of what's eating away at your spirit. You need to find a healthy outlet. You are worth more than you are giving yourself credit for. Things are rough now, I get that. But you are going to school to better your life, you are losing weight to become healthy. You have these things going for you. Don't give up. Before you know it you will see the pride and beauty in your accomplishments. And please stick around here. This group is a wonderful support team. Hang in there, find someone to talk to like now... And keep coming back here too.

[twinmommy2014 7]

Is there a counselor available to see at your school? You just had a major life change and emotions are all over the place. You already have lost some weight. You need to seek support from a professional who can guide you thru this. Is there a WLS group in your area? If needed, go to the hospital ER and be evaluated by a dr. Maybe medication can help. Don't do this alone.

[Sherry73 94]

Please try to seek help. The counselor at your college can help point you in the right direction. Do not try to go this alone. I have suffered with depression most of my life. If you attend church your pastor or youth pastor can be a great help. I am blessed to have insurance to help with costs.There are state and federal ran programs that are income based and you should be able to get help through them. I know in my area there are a couple of agencies and they also help with getting you to their clinic. I will be keeping you in my prayers.

[jallsop 39]

I agree with all the above. I am so sorry to hear of the pain your going through right now but there are resources out there for you. There has to be a Student Assistance Center (or something similar) at your school, no matter if its a large University or small community college. Please seek their guidence, you are 18 so these choices are ultimately yours. Not that I would condone missing classess, but if the only time you can seek their help is during your class time (so you mother dosent find out??) then do that. YOU matter and there is so much in the future for you. Thinking and praying for you....

[staceyp 29]

I agree with everyone's sentiment. Somewhere in all the emotion, you care about yourself and want a better life. You wouldn't have gone through surgery otherwise.

I also think you might reach out to your surgeon. Their job is not "done" just because the surgery is. They should have a vested interest in your complete recovery.

Did your mom support the surgery? Just sending positive thoughts your way that she would support your needs in recovery.

There are lots of resources out there...you reached out here which is a big step.

You can do this!

[lovely momma 28]

Can you go back to the person you had your psych evaluation with before the surgery. Talk to your surgeon he can get you back in with that person. Also call the country social services in your area. They offer counciling. Call Cathlioc charities maybe they have something or can point you to someone who can. I will be praying you for you

[Tikvah 70]

Almost all colleges that I've heard of have clinical or counseling psychologists on staff at their students disposal.