female only Tired of hearing I'm too skinny!

[Krystalrez 22]

Soooooo.... Okay so no one ever said to me I was fat before, but I knew it and so did everyone else. But now I've been faced with people that are like "OMG! You're too skinny! You need to stop losing weight". Now I realize I've lost a little too much, and the dr has assured me this is normal. But I'm just wondering where people get off? Why do they think it's appropriate to tell me I'm too skinny, yet thought it was inappropriate to tell me I was fat?! Especially those people who aren't in my close circle of friends! My close friends are so encouraging. And I am so thankful for them, but I'm seriously sick of the others who think they have the right to offer their opinions, when they don't! Grrrrrrr!!! Okay just had to vent.

[sleevethefatbehind 95]

I'm still fat but yeah, I agree with you. Maybe I'd smile the first time, but after that, it's really just inappropriate. People really don't need to be commenting on your weight besides 'You look great.'

[Indigo1991 1,612]

It's ok, you are not the first person to vent about this and you won't be the last!

People get used to us, how we look and where we fit into their lives when we are overweight. When we change that, it brings up all sorts of emotions for them that we don't necessarily see or understand.

For me, most of my closest friends and family have yet to say "too skinny". That's because they know where I am going with this and they remember me last time I was a wee thing. So they are enjoying my size and my happier outlook rather then having an issue with it. But I know if I go too far, they'll let me know sharpish :-)

However, I have other friends who have started sucking their teeth and frowning before telling me in a pseudo concerned way that I surely must have lost enough by now. Have to say the worst comment at Christmas was a friend who said "enough, you are going to look so old if you go any further". Wow! But when I thought about it, it's the first time I have ever been smaller than her - and now it's very noticeable...

So, what do I do? I smile and let the enquirer know I am under medical supervision that I trust, then I move the conversation on. Sometimes you have to be direct if they don't take a hint. Did that to another friend recently when she said - again - that I mustn't get too skinny through little disapproving lips. I immediately said thanks for the unhelpful comment and that her comments were getting me down. She was shocked because, in her way, she thought she was showing concern and was embarrassed that that wasnt how it was coming across. But it has stopped and she has gone back to being supportive. You just got to say it as it is, nicely but firmly because some people have no idea the impact they are having.

But it's not a problem I EVER thought I would be complaining about, lol!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I have yet to experience this.. Primarily because I haven't lost enough weight and I haven't seen the majority of my close friends for the past year (been overseas).

I'm prepared for it.

Thankfully though, I don't think my friends are the types to do that to me... I don't know whether its because they care for me too much to upset me. They're intelligent enough to know that comments like that are waaaay unhelpful or, more likely, they're afraid I'll go off on one. No one likes it when I go off on one

[taylokat 180]

I agree it's a problem I never thought I would have! So I do try to put it in perspective. I did have to tell a co worker "Thanks but with friends like you I don't need any enemies". That was in response to her saying "You are withering away to nothing. Your face is all wrinkled, now don't lose anymore weight". Amazing how rude people can be!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I agree it's a problem I never thought I would have! So I do try to put it in perspective. I did have to tell a co worker "Thanks but with friends like you I don't need any enemies". That was in response to her saying "You are withering away to nothing. Your face is all wrinkled, now don't lose anymore weight". Amazing how rude people can be!

Crikey, that's awful! My response to that would have been 'Yes, dear, and you're a regular Rubens painting, aren't you?...'

This would have been accompanied with walking off....

What a cow!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Soooooo.... Okay so no one ever said to me I was fat before, but I knew it and so did everyone else. But now I've been faced with people that are like "OMG! You're too skinny! You need to stop losing weight". Now I realize I've lost a little too much, and the dr has assured me this is normal. But I'm just wondering where people get off? Why do they think it's appropriate to tell me I'm too skinny, yet thought it was inappropriate to tell me I was fat?! Especially those people who aren't in my close circle of friends! My close friends are so encouraging. And I am so thankful for them, but I'm seriously sick of the others who think they have the right to offer their opinions, when they don't! Grrrrrrr!!! Okay just had to vent.

So, as I am always the epitome of tact, may I ask how skinny you are? I snooped your profile and you have no stats!

[Krystalrez 22]

Thanks y'all!! I knew I could vent here and some would understand. The people I've had problems with aren't even people I would call friends. Mere acquaintances. Lol.

I'm now at 110lbs. I was holding at about 112-115 until my son told me he was deploying. Then I started having stomach issues, which led to me dropping about 5-8 more. I didn't ever think I would be even close to this weight, but I'm perfectly happy where I'm at. I'm a short 5'3" and probably the smallest frame size there is. Lol. For my entire adult life (since I can remember) I've always been at least 40lbs over weight. My heaviest I was at 193 (which was the week before I started my liquid diet). I'll try to figure out how to update my stats. Thanks again for all the positive comments and feed back.

[webhopper 57]

Bless your heart you look awesome! Don't let anyone get you down!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think we need to have a thick skin on this one to be honest. I have been heard it for awhile that I need to stop losing weight (basically when I got under about 180). Well, over Christmas I talked to my sister and niece and told them how much I weight 145-150 - which is not skinny for someone who is 5'5". they told me i look way thinner than that so it made them feel better knowing that I am a healthy weight. I think they get a type of dismorphia - they have always seen me as obese (or at least very overwieight) so they were genuinely worried about me. their concern was genuine and loving, not mean. I also think that honestly, overall women are just getting bigger and bigger (sadly) so the new normal is pretty heavy.

I also agree that too skinny just does look old - especially for some of us. I think using photos, getting feedback from people here on this website is a good way to get objective feedback. What worked for me was losing to a goal and then letting it stabilize before losing the last 10. I think it takes awhile for your face to sorta fill back out as mine was a little old looking there for awhile...haha. Yesterday someone told me I look like I am 25 (big lie, but I'll take it!) so i am feeling pretty good about my current weight.

[sassypants 673]

not just the "your too skinny" "stop losing weight" but i also get "who are you, i dont know you never seen you before" off of famiy members every single week when they see me!

like ok i get it your being nice and encouraging in a way but really STOP

[Valerie R. 50]

You are right - it's rude, but I haven't had my surgery yet and can't even imagine anyone saying that too me! Just think back to when you were fat and take it with a laugh.

[DaynaDanelle 3]

Someone ask me was I dying the other day. I looked at them and just laughed. U have lost so much. I decided to only let my dad and his wife know. Only because they went with me to Mexico to have my surgery done. It's kinda hard. I knew that me losing weight people were going to get all weird because they want me to stay fat.

I just want a healthier me.

When I go to events or family functions people are always looking at what I'm eating or how much. I think at work is the worst. My coworkers all we talk about is food. And different place we have been. And what we should try. Well I have had a few episodes where I have vomited at work (Which I have done before the sleeved) and now they think I'm bulimic or anorexic. I laugh at that too. Whatever makes them sleep at night. Oh and I'm not wanted to go out because I might get sick.

I learned a while ago that the only opinion that matters is mine. Not many are going to be as happy for u but u.

[luckyknickers57 62]

Someone ask me was I dying the other day. I looked at them and just laughed. U have lost so much. I decided to only let my dad and his wife know. Only because they went with me to Mexico to have my surgery done. It's kinda hard. I knew that me losing weight people were going to get all weird because they want me to stay fat. I just want a healthier me. When I go to events or family functions people are always looking at what I'm eating or how much. I think at work is the worst. My coworkers all we talk about is food. And different place we have been. And what we should try. Well I have had a few episodes where I have vomited at work (Which I have done before the sleeved) and now they think I'm bulimic or anorexic. I laugh at that too. Whatever makes them sleep at night. Oh and I'm not wanted to go out because I might get sick. I learned a while ago that the only opinion that matters is mine. Not many are going to be as happy for u but u.

hi daynadanelle

You are so right when it comes to friends, or people who you think are friends. I had what I thought was my best friend, then, when I started to lose weight she put so many obstacles in the way. When I look back she has done it over the years many times. When I mentioned this to my dietician she said that it is common. Some people like big people as friends, to massage their egos, this can be subconscious, or deliberate. It made me reconsider my relationship with my friend, all very sad, as I thought we had been best friends for over twenty years...... This friend started to tell me I was looking to skinny... Makes you think doesn't it?

[Ballermom 803]

i had someone yell out in the hallway at work that " i should just stop it loosing weight that is". I'm no where near goal, got a while to go. So i just smile and let it go. i feel like it their problem not mine. starting weight 267 current weight 171. My goal is at least 167 1st then 140. I'm not stuck on the things that is said when i receive mostly positive.

Edited February 12, 2014 by Ballermom