So I am getting sleeved on 12/18. 48 hrs from now I will be starting my new journey in life.

Reasons for me getting the sleeve: my mother has high blood pressure and keeps having strokes. My grandmother (mom side) also has a stroke and a diabetic. My dad has high blood pressure. I don't want to follow so I figured the next step is to get the weight off. I don't like the way I look in clothes. I don't feel I dress for the age I am. Ladies, you know the bigger you are the more you start dressing like a grandmother... I don't want to dress that way!

**********Things going on in my head:

I feel I have an angel and devil starting inside of my head! the angel (skinny girl in me) is pushing me forward and on goal (obeying my pre-op diet) and reminding me why I am doing this process. The devil (fat girl) is telling me to cancel the surgery and stay fat, and to eat all the bad stuff I can and have been eating.

I will not lie I love bread, rice, and Pasta. And I think the fat girl don't want to give it up. But I know it will help me get weight I want to be at. I am 236-244 lbs (my weight fluctuates). I know I don't need to eat them but the tastes so good.

I am scared of the new journey but I know if I don't force myself to get the surgery I will be in the same weight class I been in with no change. My self-esteem will be the same place!

Did anyone else feel this way?

I'm getting sleeved on Thursday, December 19th and feeling many of your same emotions.

Hang in there and start a journal. Begin by listing all of the reasons that YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I also have family members with long term health implications. My mom became a diabetic when she was the age I am now (43), so I have to gain control. I don't fault my mom; much less was known 30 years ago.

However, we DO know more now and so I have to take control.

You CAN DO IT...YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Regarding bread and pastas, I have no suggestions because I haven't had it yet either, but my husband was a LAP-BAND converted to RNY (because his band kept slipping) and he reassures me that one or two bites does satisfy you.

Best of luck...I look forward to hearing how your surgery went!