Dating help?

[SeriouslyChange 319]

Hi ladies,

I was seeing a guy for about 6-8 weeks. Everything was going great, we were seeing each other multiple times a week, he told me he would be thinking of me, he would kiss and be affectionate, hold me, I could practically feel the love between us and I liked it. Then everything went cold.

Now, he barely contacts me, and I feel like I initiate any communication that we have.

Is this how dating works? Some guys just cut you off?

He's the one that brought feelings to the table, and now I'm thinking he just was after sex.

Can anyone shed some light on the matter, I'm really lost.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Aww, honey. It's difficult to say without a bit more detail... It would all be conjecture...

I'm really sorry this happened to you though. That's an awful thing for someone to do without any explanation.

Could you just ask him straight?

If he's going cold on you, you might have nothing to lose by just calling him out on it?

You never know.. he might have something going on in his life that's not related, but has impacted on his ability to 'connect'..

Or, of course, he could be a total cold, heartless so-and-so...

If it was me, I'd call him out on it...

I wish I could help you further. Sorry honey x

[SassySenior 111]

I would want to know why, and I would ask. But I would try not to "call him out" because you don't yet know what happened.

Many people are cowards and take the easy way out. It's totally a reflection of them, not of you. It sounds like you may have hooked up with one of them. There's a majority out there, so unless you're very careful, it will happen again.

I can't say I should earn any accolades in this area. But I believe we need to value ourselves enough to realize that he's at least as lucky as we are to get connected. For me, it takes a couple of months until he drops his best behavior before I see the real guy. But my attitude toward myself is what makes me feel so damn grateful that I have someone.

I haven't dated in years, but I am hoping to start again next year. Hard as it is, I am going to do my best to value myself and dump anyone who doesn't measure up. I'm getting up there in age, so the pickings are slim. But I really don't want to be saddled with a bad relationshiup or jerk of a boyfriend, so I'm gonna cut the cord once his true colors show. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a nice guy. I wish you the same.

[BethinPA 305]

The same thing happened to me this fall, and I was pretty bummed about it, but the feelings pass eventually. I hate not knowing what happened, but he just stopped communicating, so I had to accept it. It was the first time "out there" in a really long time for me, also. I am going to try again via a dating site after the new year, and hope for the best. What is the alternative? Good luck to you!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have dived into the dating pool and am choosing to avoid physcial intimacy for awhile.... however, I am dating a number of people and admittedly let some fade away as i loose interest...

I am a nice person and try to be straightforward, but it is awkward to have to tell someone that you just aren't that into them. I have also been yelled at; "what do you mean you don't want to see me? I am really into you" - as though my opinion doesn't count... and that was just after one date and a few phone calls. I really hate letting someone down, it's hard.

It;s anyone's guess and who knows, he might be going through some crap in his own life. Sadly, this may be one of those "chalk it up to lessons learned." situations. i am sorry.

[longtimecoming7 390]

I have 3 daughters. One of them always has this question. The only way to handle this, is to ask the guy if he is still interested, BUT, in a way that benefits you. For example, you need to say I am a very busy girl, and I was wondering if you have interest in continuing dating.

If the answer is "no", well then, you know what to do. It stings, but life goes on.

It seems, as far as my girls go, that when they DO NOT ask the question, it is because they do not want to hear the answer.

Ask the question and move on. NEXT!

[southernsoul 773]

When I got divorced in 2006 I decided to try online dating. Since I had been married for 20 years, I hadn't had a date with someone new since 1984...which was a little freaky to think about. In addition, I weighed about 270-280, so I knew that I would likely be passed over my many men. I probably went out with 10-12 men before meeting the man I'm married to now.

There's really no way to know why someone suddenly stops calling or seems to flip the switch from being interested to not interested, and I'm not even sure the "why" really matters. They are just not in the same place anymore. When it happens, try not internalize it as though there's something wrong with you. Most of us aren't great at having uncomfortable conversations where we try to let someone down gently. We often choose to avoid & hope the situation just resolves itself. Not the most mature way to handle things, for sure, but it's very common. Just accept that something has changed (or was never as "there" as you thought it was) and move on. The right person will stick over the long haul & not leave you wondering about how he feels.