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How To Tell Caring People To Just Shut Up!?



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Ok...so I know my daughter, mother, friend, etc.. mean well but I am aware of what I can eat and whether or not I need a sip of Water. It seems every time anything gets anywhere near my face I get questioned about it. It's starting to piss me off. But I don't want to be rude or mean because I know they are trying to be "helpful". What is a caring way to put a stop to this? I'm not always so tactful and with the holidays coming up I don't really want to tell everyone to go take a flying @$... thanks

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"I appreciate your concern. I am working closely with my doctor and dietitian and they have given me clear guidelines. These guidelines are not like any diet I have ever been on and may seem strange to you, but if I don't follow them I could end up really sick. So please trust that I am being Very careful and taking care of myself. "

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My issue is more like.. at dinner last night my daughter gasped when I took a small sip of Water with my meal.. little stuff like that that is just starting to dive me nuts! Are you supposed to eat that? Is that ok? Is that too much? Is that all? Omg!!! If your that curious do some research and let me eat my dinner! Sorry for the rant. :)

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My issue is more like.. at dinner last night my daughter gasped when I took a small sip of Water with my meal.. little stuff like that that is just starting to dive me nuts! Are you supposed to eat that? Is that ok? Is that too much? Is that all? Omg!!! If your that curious do some research and let me eat my dinner! Sorry for the rant. :)

If it's your daughter "shut up and eat your beans" lol

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seems every time anything gets anywhere near my face I get questioned about

Seela

I think this happens to some/many/me too!!!!

Now with Thanksgiving and 14 family members coming over, i'm really scared :huh:

I HAVE heard comments exactly like what you said

i listen to them politely, smile :) and say something in a NICE tone "I know exactly what to eat, and I am doing great, but thanx anyways ;)

IMO it only hurts the situation to yell, then you are giving "them" the power over you

As YOU lose weight, your smile should continue to grow ;)

That will show them!!! :lol:

good luck

kathy

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If it's your daughter and she makes a comment to you internally realize she is just say "I love you, I'm proud of you and I want it to work for you." Then in a loving way explain to her that you know she means best but you got this, thank you for the concern and I love you but please hold some of the comments back. :)

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Seela, I feel for you. I have one kid that does that to me. I have no answers, just empathy.

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Thanks everyone. .. just frustrated I guess at people policing everything I do as if I can't be trusted to take care of myself.

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I can't county how many times my mom will start talking about food and goes on and on and on, then goes, "Oh, we're not going to talk about food!" I'm like, "Mom, I'm still going to eat food and we can still talk about it. I just really don't care about it like I used to." Or when my husband says, "If I catch you eating something bad, (insert threat here)".

I try to remember that they (my family) and that they mean well, but wholly hell they make me angry.

Do you feel comfortable to talk to them, not when they are policing you, but at a time when you're not upset? You know a, "Hey can we talk for a few minutes?" type of a thing? Then explain, "I know what I'm doing with my sleeve and my body. If I take a sip of Water when I eat, it's because I need one. I know that drinking while eating is not allowed, but that's not what I'm doing."

I wish you luck!

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I can't county how many times my mom will start talking about food and goes on and on and on, then goes, "Oh, we're not going to talk about food!" I'm like, "Mom, I'm still going to eat food and we can still talk about it. I just really don't care about it like I used to." Or when my husband says, "If I catch you eating something bad, (insert threat here)".

I try to remember that they (my family) and that they mean well, but wholly hell they make me angry.

Do you feel comfortable to talk to them, not when they are policing you, but at a time when you're not upset? You know a, "Hey can we talk for a few minutes?" type of a thing? Then explain, "I know what I'm doing with my sleeve and my body. If I take a sip of Water when I eat, it's because I need one. I know that drinking while eating is not allowed, but that's not what I'm doing."

I wish you luck!

I think this is probably the best coarse of action. . Thank you

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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