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No Support From Family



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I just recently started looking into the RNY gastric surgery. I wanted lapband originally but found that it isn't right for me and my needs. I am confident in rny and very happy i may get it done. Still in early stages but i am so postive and ready for a lifestyle change. But no one around me supports it. All my family and friends keep telling me i'm making a mistake. I will be miserable, i'll hate not being able to eat junk food and fast food like i do everyday, they say i'll be sick all the time and will regret the surgery. No one thinks it's a good idea or even understands why i want it done so badly. My bmi is 47. i'm young, 21, but in need of a serious wake up call and lifestyle change. i believe rny is it and i'm so postive it will work great for me.

Does anyone out there regret the surgery? or had the same fears from family and proven them wrong?

I know i'm doing this surgery for me and no one else and not to listen to them, but it really sucks when all they do is try to talk you out of it.

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Not everyobe will suport you in your choice. You have to do this for you not for others.I kept my surgery very quiet. I had to tell my boss because I needed time off and I told my inlaws the week of my surgery, but that was it. When I was thinking about the surgery I shared with a few people and I got some of the same reactions from my family as well. You will in time not miss the soda or junk food and you will feel one hundred times better. It is amazingv what losing weight will do for your spirit. You will want to workout and stay active. It is not a easy road but it is worth it. I wish I had had the surgery five years ago. You can do this!!!

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I know a few people who have had Rny and didn't really have support, but in all reality the lifestyles of their family and friends are unhealthy which lead to being over weight, you have to do this for you! Forget what anyone else thinks... You will love the new you! This is about your health! Junk food and soda are not good anyways! But down the line you will be able to eat again in portions that are acceptable... I've been overweight my whole life, I'm now 27 with a bmi of 43 I only wish I did it when I was 21 so I could of enjoyed my 20s more! Do what you feel will make you happy... We're here to support you!

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I'm right there with you I'm 27 with a BMI of 43 and none of my family is supporting this even though I have taken a year to make this decision. I get remarks from my grandmother like can't you just eat less or from my mom you're trying to commit suicide because you're going to die On the operating table(lol high maintenance mom) my sister calls it cheating my best friend and her boyfriend tell me to my face on a regular basis that I'm making a huge mistake and I'm going to be miserable as well. I go to see my surgeon next week to make my appointment for my surgery I've gone through everything that I need to go through all my appointments are done and this is the decision I want to make and I am going to choose how this decision affects my future. My grandmother's old and she still sees herself as a size 4 even though she's a size 16 my mom has been a size 2 her whole life so she doesn't understand my sister is just a hater because she's as big as i am and is just afraid of the surgery and my friend has is happy with herself. In 10 years what they think about me still isn't going to matter whether I got the surgery or not it's how I feel about me and you need to keep that in mind it's how you feel about yourself how you want to make changes in your life you're going to be healthy and you're going to be happy and even if there are some complications along the road you're going to take them like you would any other, one day at a time and figure it out and you'll be happy because it was your decision to make nobody else's. As long as it's what you want in your life you'll have support from people on here who will understand what you are going through. Good luck!

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Hi,I think your making the best decision, I wish I didn't wait as long as I did,if you'll bear with me I'll tell you my story & show it to your family maybe it will help them to see another side. I was 50 when I had my surgery I was 398lbs the day of my surgery, I have Chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis from my weight, &need to have get both knees replaced. I also have fibromyalgia & thyroid disease, all which could of been avoide if I had this done earlier. Besides that, I have 3 sons, I missed school plays, sporting events they were in, I couldn't teach them to ride a bike or swim. I couldn't go hiking with them or rides when we went to the beach. I missed my grandmuther being born & the first 2yrs of her life because of all the pain I'm in. My husband & I haven't had a relationship in years (when your that fat how romantic can you feel?at least that's my personal feeling) we couldn't go to movies or baseball games because I couldn't fit into the seats. Now I wasn't over weight when we were dating I gained 90lbs with my first pregnancy took a little off but got pregnant again,& then had my 3rd. Every year I put on more,& I finally became & still am disabled. I had my surgery on January 29of this year, I have lost 132lbs & have another another 114 to go, that's my goal my Dr says 60lbs anyway, my life has changed so much for the better ,my granddaughter knows me she can run into my arms & I can pick her up & spin her around, we can play,go for walks ,plush her on the swings &am a constant baby sitter because they know they can rely on me now. I can go for walks,shop Tec . As far as missing junk food, it's junk food & big meals that got you where you are now, & you font miss it,& in time you can eat what you want. Ok I know this is long,but I'll wrap it up soon, your a young girl, you have so much to do & see don't let anyone stop you go do it & have a wonderful full life, don't miss out. Good luck to you & let me know after you have your surgery how your doing , Peace, Mary

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Please don't let negative people destroy your healthy intentions! I am 64 with 10 Grandkids and wish I would not of waited this long! I am only 2 1/2 weeks post op from my By pass... Not as bad as I feared but I now only take 20 units of insulin instead of 340! ( type 1 ) off BP meds ( had triple by pass in 2010) and GERD so intense that it damaged my left lung( chronic cough) Rheumatoid issues and knee surgeries.. What else did I need to deal with before I found my treatment plan? I am now doing and feeling soooo much better as these health issues disappear and this with only losing 26#.. Can't imagine when I have the last 65 off! Do what you need to do for yourself! I walked away immediately from ANYONE that dared to say things like your hearing!! Don't they know that only lays guilt on you? I just said " thanks for your caring concerns" and under my breathe said " a.. Hole". Keep us updated! Don't read blogs about rare complications until your past the chance.. Not to negate the need to know the risk but this is very rare! It could of scared me into just returning to weight watchers for the millionth time! ;-(. Dyan from Ohio

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You have to make this decision for yourself only. I remember when I was beginning to research rny I only spoke about it to my husband and on these boards. I didn't personally want to share with everyone that I was doing it and feel the need to explain everything. I used these boards as my support and still do. I may not post often, but I am always on here reading. I ended up finally telling my parents a few weeks before the surgery. They did not sound supportive at all. However after having the surgery done and ending up with a few complications they finally started showing a more supportive side. I believe this was due to the fact they finally did some research themselves to find out what rny was all about. Sometimes what seems like family being non supportive may actually be that they are uninformed about rny and the new lifestyle you will be beginning. I wish you the best of luck with your decision. We are always here to support you.

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The joy of being an adult is u get to make your own choices :) I gotta say my hubby wasn't as thrilled but he was supportive and now he realizes how great it was for me. My mom had me crying the day I was going into surgery. She still doesn't acknowledge much about my surgery. People will always have opinions. The main thing is researching what's best for your life and feeling confident in your decisions. I tell some about my rny and others I don't feel the need to. It turned out it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's hard with having the natural nervousness with the surgery and not feeling u are fully supported in your decisions. You do have support here tho. I like to think we can be your greatest cheerleaders sometimes. Ultimately it your life and up to u to evaluate what's best. Only u can make the honest soul searching decision for what is right in your life. In the end that's all that matters. Sometimes I've learned the biggest critics were the ones needing the most help themselves. Good luck!

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I just recently started looking into the RNY gastric surgery. I wanted lapband originally but found that it isn't right for me and my needs. I am confident in rny and very happy i may get it done. Still in early stages but i am so postive and ready for a lifestyle change. But no one around me supports it. All my family and friends keep telling me i'm making a mistake. I will be miserable, i'll hate not being able to eat junk food and fast food like i do everyday, they say i'll be sick all the time and will regret the surgery. No one thinks it's a good idea or even understands why i want it done so badly. My bmi is 47. i'm young, 21, but in need of a serious wake up call and lifestyle change. i believe rny is it and i'm so postive it will work great for me.

Does anyone out there regret the surgery? or had the same fears from family and proven them wrong?

I know i'm doing this surgery for me and no one else and not to listen to them, but it really sucks when all they do is try to talk you out of it.

My mom and sis tried talking me out if it but my kids were very supportive. They were nervous but happy for me. Some people are hating on the low so they will try and discourage you. It's sad to say but it's true. My family is very happy for me now, so I'm thinking they were just nervous about the outcome. I don't regret one day. :-)

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Sometimes being non-supportive comes from fear and worry over what can happen. My husband was there for me but not outwardly supportive at first. It seemed to me that he was against the surgery because he wouldn't talk about it. It turned out that he was afraid I could die or have serious complications and was afraid for me. He felt better about the whole process after I took him to the nurse-education class. There they covered every detail of the surgery and what to expect before, during, and after. They discussed statistics on success rates and complications that eased his mind. He was allowed to ask questions and felt included in the process. After that meeting he was much more relaxed and supportive. :-)

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