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Fear of old habits!



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I seem to have this underlying fear of returning to my old habits. I keep having dreams of eating things I shouldn't and drinking diet soda. I wake up feeling so guilty and have to remind myself it was only a dream! I just started puréed foods on 10/18 because I had a leak and was on tpn for 4 weeks. So, I really had nothing but Clear Liquids and Protein Shakes for almost 3 months. That's when the fear started showing up. I guess I'm just so afraid of failing yet again. I know this time is different, but it's hard to kick that demon out of my brain! I've been doing great as far as weight loss goes. I lost a total of 98.6 pounds. 45 before surgery and 53.6 since surgery. Maybe I can use the underlying fear as a tool to keep me on track. Just wondering if anyone else out there feels like this too.

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I have had dreams too of the same thing. One night I dreamt I was eating a whole big bag of Fritos and drinking a Pepsi. When I woke up I felt panicked because if the food I just "ate". Lol. There have been others too.

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I have dreams like that too. My first night home from the hospital I dreamed I found three king-size Snickers bars in my bathroom and ate two of them before I remembered that I am sleeved and can't do that. Lately I've had a couple of dreams about finding/being offered trays and tables and platters of delicious Cookies and I start eating them. So obviously there's stuff floating around in my brain somewhere about all this! But on the good side, I've been sleeved for four months and not taken a single bite off plan, or been seriously tempted to (while awake!). And yes, I keep the fear of past failures repeating themselves front and center, to remind myself that I am not invincible just because I am sleeved. I don't know if what we are feeling is "normal," but at least so far it is working for me . . . good luck to you! :)

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I think that the fear is what keeps us on plan. I paid cash, so I really had no BEFORE surgery story. I went in to the dr. decided to have surgery, two weeks later it was done. Best thing I ever did - down 100 lbs since May. But maybe it was because I didn't do a "before" surgery program that "after" surgery has been my verision of detoxic. I dreamt (asleep & awake) about sodas (Dr. Peppers) and salty junk foods for at least 3 months. Honestly whoever said it takes 28 days to break a habit apparently wasn't addicted to anything! After surgery I reallly realize how addicted I was to food. I love the feeling, the energy I have now. I've lost 100 and have 100 to go - so I know its only going to get better. Yes somedays I eat small bites of food that I shouldn't - but never, never soda. I'm terrified that if I let myself drink even one soda, I'll let everything slide - then 'll be that ONE that the surgery didn't work. I'm just shy of 6 months out & I still dream of food also. I don't expect it to stop - we just have to be strong while we are awake!! Good luck as you recover - we can do this!!

Teresa

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Use the fear. Use ANYTHING to keep control of the evil "wanna be fat" brain.

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I am having surgery tomorrow but keep having dreams about having babies (I don't have kids)....so what does that mean? Lol

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I am having surgery tomorrow but keep having dreams about having babies (I don't have kids)....so what does that mean? Lol

A new life ahead of you. New beginnings. It's all good :) and the very best if luck to you tomorrow. Do post when you can to let us know how it's gone.

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It's good to know that I'm not the only one.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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