can u relate to..

[sc_mama4 92]

I wanted to post in here to ask yall a few questions I have and see if u are the same.

One thing I've noticed since surgery is my body. Its as if I was made to be big and not small. Reason saying. I wear xs underwear and size 2-4 pants. My torso I have to have med shirts and large sleep clothes like the lil matching tops. I have no boobs those babies deflated and look worse than a party balloon. Really I need a tuck but I'm petrified of surgery so when I wear my pants I have to put them on top of the pooch like under my naval bc if I didn't I'd look like a man sporting a beer gut lol. My feet went from size 8.5's to size 7's. My hair is finally all back in but I still battle extremely dry itchy skin so I can critque every lotion made LOL. I'm very self conscious about my stomach and the scars I have so its still uneasy to be naked in front of my bf. When I clothes shop I still look for things to layer like I use too. I always wear a undershirt. My shirts have to go past my butt and of long sleeves have to reach around my wrists when I hold my arms up. I have yet to buy a pair of skinny jeans bc I still purchase boot cut. I'm getting better at eye contact with ppl but I still tend to walk looking at my feet. Its sad but I can't see the new girl everyone else does. Another thing I've ran into is I call it my Star Jones complex LOL. I'm very particular who I tell about my surgery. My bfs friends have no clue I'm a rny pt. He does and his family but they don't. His bestfriends wife has been doing insanity and lost a lot and I mean has an incrediable body she walks around in running bras and spandex that's how confident and beautiful her body is. Well apparently she had always been "chubby" according to them (she was in a size ten o.O) well when I met my bf he sent them my picture and all their responses was is "you really like those skinny girls don't ya?" Well I've always been that girl who hung out with the guys bc girls has always betrayed me which is why I think I did so well working as a firefighter/paramedic. Well superbowl we were over there and they were commenting at how much weight my bf has lost, bc I cook and he eats similarly to me and has lost from 230 to 192. Well he looked at his bestfriends wife and said look at how much Kel lost bc of her appendix and she turned around and said "she doesn't count she's been a twig her entire life...and that makes me sick" I just looked at her like you really have no idea. I get this stuff all the time. I'm in with my bfs bestfriend but the females in his group just treat me horrible. Its hard to be around them bc my bf wants to hang out with his bf without me up his butt but I'm so uncomfortable by myself around them and the one issue I am really having is his bestfriends brother had RNY. He gained every pound back and then more I feel really bad for him. My bfs bestf will say oh honey my brother's coming over too and she wi respond with well if this food isn't enough I can give him left overs from the past two days as if he were a dog. She says this all the time and will look at me and say stuff like its sickening ppl will allow themselves to be that lazy. When he finally gets there ppl are so snide and rude to him. I always go up to him and hug him and tell him its goof to see him. He acts like we all use and I still do and its that wanting to fit in so bad but can't attitude. Theres been several times I've wanted to grab him and take him outside and say I know how u feel I'm a gb patient also. I don't bc I'm afraid of embarrassing my bf. I don't want him to feel the need to defend me and u all know with this surgery the stigma u get and its we are lazy or took the easy route or the oh she will be the size of a house again in five years just wait. Do you all open up to outsiders when your dating? Or am I just weird or paranoid. I think it all boils down to I was bullied so bad growing up I just want to fit in now and not cause myself any drama. Can any of yall relate to this?? Sorry it was long.

[Pr1ncessJulee 116]

Sounds to me as if you may need to have s long hard talk with your surgeon or perhaps therapy. In the meanwhile stop comparing yourself to your bfs wife or whoever she is.

Preop weight 389 current weight 327 that's 62 lbs lost since RNY 6/11/13

[ArmyOfMe 82]

I would privately speak with the brother who had WLS and confess. Ask him to respect your need of keeping your WLS private.

You mentioned how everybody treats him poorly. As a bullied person yourself, don't you think, you should speak up and not allow for him to be bullied like you were for so long?

I can only imagine how miserable he must feel and his thoughts at the end of the day.

Don't bother sparring your B/F's feelings, bother helping the one who had WLS and is being treated like he's worthless.

I would ditch those so called friends in a heartbeat. Honestly, your B/F doesn't seem to be any better, either. He is the type of man I personally run from eating the ground on my way.

Good luck to ya!

[music1618 879]

I remember the first time I heard a comment about fat people after my surgery. I was around people who knew I had the surgery and someone made a comment that a girl was in the bathroom and you know it takes bigger people longer to use the restroom. I was shocked that I heard this. Since then I find it very interesting to eat people talk about fat people, because when they do I speak up. I may look skinny now but you have no idea what that person if feeling.

I have never hidden my surgery from anyone. I was proud that I took a stand for my health. I did not care what people thought and if they had questions I answered them. Usually I get the response oh I know someone who had the surgery and they gained their weight back. 95% of those people were Lapband patients and I educate them on the differences.

You sound young from your post and I would urge you to seek help. You are a beautiful strong woman. Look what you have accomplished - you took a stand for your health and you have won. Take time for yourself. You will never truly love anyone until you truly love yourself.

I would also talk with the brother and take that stand when they bad mouth him. You will feel great when you do. If boyfriend has a problem with that then you should have a problem with him.

Good luck

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

When ppl regain unless its just the slip up after lap band it's simply cuz they got too comfortable & went back to stuffing your face. This surgery doesn't make you skinny. You make your self slim by what you put in your mouth. If the brother saw him self gaining he could had put a stop to it seek help & get back on track but he decided he loves food & just doesn't care.

Don't compare your self to others. We either fix what we don't like about our body by having plastic surgery. there is no other way not killing your self with exercise will lift your tummy or just learn to live with it.

[slowtogo 301]

I wouldn't share about wls. Can you imagine what he might feel if you do? He may not see it as support, but censure.

Support him. Tell him about your friends that had weight loss surgery. Tell him about here. But I wouldn't open myself up to others criticism.

[ponchik 77]

I can relate to the part of being bullied, I am on the beginning of my journey and never experienced such tremendous weightloss as you did ( not to speak of complications). I don't think you are paranoid. I don't open to strangers about my surgery and I will probably never do, but in case of the b brother, I think it would do good to both of you to have somebody in a close circle you can talk to and share frustrations... Plus he'd probably benefit from having RNY mentor like you...