Dating post-op..does it get easier?

[barbarahadz1 84]

Had my first date in 33 years (eeek!!!)' date=' 3 months post surgery. It wasn't a success because I hadn't really shifted my thinking about my worth at that time, although how I looked had altered a lot. I wasn't desperate, probably just grateful to be noticed. But looking back 2 months later, I am wondering what the heck I was thinking lol. He wasn't right for me from the outset but I agreed to go on a couple of dates just because he was interested in me.... Not good, eh? But it gave me a chance to take a long hard look at me and decide I was worth more than settling for second best cos I didn't feel worthy. Since those dates, my confidence has come on leaps and bounds with the compliments I have had about my new look. Last weekend bumped into someone who was on the periphery of my life 35 years ago. Got chatting, he took my number and called me today :-) He was interesting and funny, seemed well balanced and laid back- so I have agreed to meet up. Watch this space as I wind myself into a state as it approaches, lol. For me, dating post sleeve continues to evolve slowly. But I won't be settling for anything less than I deserve this time...[/quote']

That's what I say when people ask why I never date. "I haven't found anyone who deserves me"

Its the truth!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I joined eharmony at the weekend and have already found a guy I think I really like. We've been talking lots and he has asked if I would like to go for a drink. Obviously I have said yes but I'm so scared!

I'm only a week and a half post op so I won't be able to drink alcohol and I don't feel like I've lost anywhere near enough weight for him to be attracted to me when we meet.

I don't know whether to tell him about my surgery. What would you guys do? And if you would tell him, would you do it before you met him or not? Argh this is so bloody difficult!

Proceed with caution so soon after surgery. It can be an emotional time and the heart mayb e tender. I KNOW I have a lot to offer in a relationship, 3 weeks post op.. not so much.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I get about 10 emails a day from dating websites I joined last summer. I am not dating because I have a part-time bf which is what Ine e d right now. I went on Lot of first dates tho...educational. I am not settling - that's what I really learned.

[soccergirl88 56]

I hope it is going better for you all than it has for me! I have been on match.com and all I get are creepers <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> I am shocked. This is a paying site and these guys are just looking for a quickie!

Sorry to hear that butterfly_gal! I'm on the same boat as you. I get creepers and men that are 20-30 years older than me emailing and winking at me....it's bizarre isn't it?

[aunnyq@gmail.com 13]

I dated online aLOT!! I found all if the sites to have their charms. Match was easy, and had a lot of activity. Mostly people not looking for something long term... Quickies, friends with benefits, dinner pals, etc. but none that truly wanted something of depth. I didn't care for e harmony the first time I used it. I am an RT and they kept matching me up with trach/ vent dependent men... I need a lover not a patient! Thank you! But I had my band then.. And looked ok. About a size 12. I felt good. I had come a long way from size 20-12. And had the confidence and a strong job and knew I have a lot to offer the right person. I stopped dating the wrong ones just to have something to do. I dated a person until I knew they would never work for me (typically took less than 3 dates, and generally went through them in about a weeks time) I dated a TON of men. I'm not bragging, just stating the facts. I dated a billion "not it's" and a few I really enjoyed. I met my now husband The second week we were both on eharmony. My second run with it, his third over several years. I think we knew before we met each other that it was going to work... But when our first date lasted nearly 6 hours and we both laughed and talked like we had known one another forever it sort if sealed things nicely. Shortly after we started dating I told him about my band, and my infertility due to me weight and he supported me through my band slippage, and held my hand as they rolled me in to surgery to have it removed and my sleeve done. I am so lucky! I found one of the kindest, well put together, sane, fun, caring people I have ever had the pleasure if knowing by online dating. I would have never found him another way. Dating after WLS can get better but you get out of it what you put in. Be honest- about yourself, your goals, and what you want and don't! Learn to weed through the ones who are just going to quickly ask for naked pics.. They can be fun, and tremendous ego boosters but keep your focus on looking for the one who is going to woo YOU! Not just screw you! Eventually you will get tired of the time wasters.. But enjoy the ego boost for a while. You may not see yourself as sexy for a while so it's nice to hear it from others from time to time. Don't let any of the rejections hurt you too badly... We are all looking for our perfect other half and if they don't think you are it--don't try to make yourself fit the mold of what they want. Only you lose in the end of that game. Be true to you and be confident that even if it's not online you will meet someone amazing. And it doesn't matter if they happen to wink at you first or vice versa... Just enjoy and when the right one happens along your path hold on for the ride!!

[elm894 5]

I was 120 lbs overweight and joined a dating site on my phone. My BFF had had luck at dates, some bf's but they wouldn't last, so I decided yo give it a try. Went on the first lunch date,..... I was interested but he wasn't so ok pass. Second date only wanted a bitty call PASS! Third date, I decided I would try phone conversations first. Those went very well and were on a daily basis. We had our first date and it took us an hour to order food bc we were talking the whole time! That date was a success! I delete the app a week later. We've been together for two years now and planned to get married! I am 7 month pis top and am living with the man of my dreams. People are surprised at how we met but we fit together perfectly!

[Chase30 114]

I joined eharmony at the weekend and have already found a guy I think I really like. We've been talking lots and he has asked if I would like to go for a drink. Obviously I have said yes but I'm so scared!

I'm only a week and a half post op so I won't be able to drink alcohol and I don't feel like I've lost anywhere near enough weight for him to be attracted to me when we meet.

I don't know whether to tell him about my surgery. What would you guys do? And if you would tell him, would you do it before you met him or not? Argh this is so bloody difficult!

I would wait to start dating after at least 6 weeks, when you can start eating pretty much everything. You'll be down 30-50 lbs your confidence will be higher, and you dont have to worry about not eating on a date.

As far as telling him, I wouldn't. At least not until date #5.

Personally I'm not trying to date anyone until I get near my goal. I'm on a mission for the next year, a goal to hit and I don't need any distractions, added stress, or complications right now. I say that now, and then 3 weeks later I meet the girl of my dreams watch: karma.

Edited October 19, 2013 by Chase30

[SeaLegs 38]

Thanks, you all, for your inspiring words. I have always been really shy, and would love to meet someone. Also meet people around my own age to hang out with.

[soccergirl88 56]

I have a question for the more seasoned online daters here. Is there a time limit between communicating via email and meeting in person?

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

Current BF contacted me in the early afternoon... we met that evening. For me, the sooner the better. They call it online dating, but you're not really supposed to try to DATE online, the whole purpose is just to find potential dates.

Occasionally I'd wait longer to meet someone if we lived in different cities or if our schedules didn't quite match up, but if he's not interested in at least TALKING about a meet early on, then NEXT... I don't have time to waste on someone who just wants to chat with me online.

[soccergirl88 56]

Current BF contacted me in the early afternoon... we met that evening. For me' date=' the sooner the better. They call it online dating, but you're not really supposed to try to DATE online, the whole purpose is just to find potential dates. Occasionally I'd wait longer to meet someone if we lived in different cities or if our schedules didn't quite match up, but if he's not interested in at least TALKING about a meet early on, then NEXT... I don't have time to waste on someone who just wants to chat with me online.[/quote'] wow! That makes sense. If you don't mind me asking, how far apart in age are you and your current bf?

[mountaingirlCO 9]

I agree the sooner the better. I have found the longer you spend emailing the more you build each other up in your minds and the less likely it is to work out. Best of luck!

[mountaingirlCO 9]

I agree the sooner the better. I have found the longer you spend emailing the more you build each other up in your minds and the less likely it is to work out. Best of luck!

[1sunnuri 77]

Ok question. ..I'm at 10 weeks out and I ran into a serious blast from the past. He is divorced now so he has asked me out. I would like to go but there r 2 things..1. He smokes (I use too but no longer) 2. He is not physically active n I'm trying to make that a part ofy lifestyle now. I know that if I did go out it would just b on the fun level. I'm not physically attracted to him.. so booty call is not an option...lol. do u think it would b unfair to go out with him knowing how I really feel ..

[soccergirl88 56]

Ok question. ..I'm at 10 weeks out and I ran into a serious blast from the past. He is divorced now so he has asked me out. I would like to go but there r 2 things..1. He smokes (I use too but no longer) 2. He is not physically active n I'm trying to make that a part ofy lifestyle now. I know that if I did go out it would just b on the fun level. I'm not physically attracted to him.. so booty call is not an option...lol. do u think it would b unfair to go out with him knowing how I really feel ..

I would say it depends on what he's looking for but I don't see the harm in it..it's just a date right?