Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Dating post-op..does it get easier?



Recommended Posts

Had my first date in 33 years (eeek!!!)' date=' 3 months post surgery. It wasn't a success because I hadn't really shifted my thinking about my worth at that time, although how I looked had altered a lot. I wasn't desperate, probably just grateful to be noticed. But looking back 2 months later, I am wondering what the heck I was thinking lol. He wasn't right for me from the outset but I agreed to go on a couple of dates just because he was interested in me.... Not good, eh? But it gave me a chance to take a long hard look at me and decide I was worth more than settling for second best cos I didn't feel worthy. Since those dates, my confidence has come on leaps and bounds with the compliments I have had about my new look. Last weekend bumped into someone who was on the periphery of my life 35 years ago. Got chatting, he took my number and called me today :-) He was interesting and funny, seemed well balanced and laid back- so I have agreed to meet up. Watch this space as I wind myself into a state as it approaches, lol. For me, dating post sleeve continues to evolve slowly. But I won't be settling for anything less than I deserve this time...[/quote']

That's what I say when people ask why I never date. "I haven't found anyone who deserves me"

Its the truth!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I joined eharmony at the weekend and have already found a guy I think I really like. We've been talking lots and he has asked if I would like to go for a drink. Obviously I have said yes but I'm so scared!

I'm only a week and a half post op so I won't be able to drink alcohol and I don't feel like I've lost anywhere near enough weight for him to be attracted to me when we meet.

I don't know whether to tell him about my surgery. What would you guys do? And if you would tell him, would you do it before you met him or not? Argh this is so bloody difficult!

Proceed with caution so soon after surgery. It can be an emotional time and the heart mayb e tender. I KNOW I have a lot to offer in a relationship, 3 weeks post op.. not so much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get about 10 emails a day from dating websites I joined last summer. I am not dating because I have a part-time bf which is what Ine e d right now. I went on Lot of first dates tho...educational. I am not settling - that's what I really learned.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope it is going better for you all than it has for me! I have been on match.com and all I get are creepers <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':(' /> I am shocked. This is a paying site and these guys are just looking for a quickie!
Sorry to hear that butterfly_gal! I'm on the same boat as you. I get creepers and men that are 20-30 years older than me emailing and winking at me....it's bizarre isn't it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dated online aLOT!! I found all if the sites to have their charms. Match was easy, and had a lot of activity. Mostly people not looking for something long term... Quickies, friends with benefits, dinner pals, etc. but none that truly wanted something of depth. I didn't care for e harmony the first time I used it. I am an RT and they kept matching me up with trach/ vent dependent men... I need a lover not a patient! Thank you! But I had my band then.. And looked ok. About a size 12. I felt good. I had come a long way from size 20-12. And had the confidence and a strong job and knew I have a lot to offer the right person. I stopped dating the wrong ones just to have something to do. I dated a person until I knew they would never work for me (typically took less than 3 dates, and generally went through them in about a weeks time) I dated a TON of men. I'm not bragging, just stating the facts. I dated a billion "not it's" and a few I really enjoyed. I met my now husband The second week we were both on eharmony. My second run with it, his third over several years. I think we knew before we met each other that it was going to work... But when our first date lasted nearly 6 hours and we both laughed and talked like we had known one another forever it sort if sealed things nicely. Shortly after we started dating I told him about my band, and my infertility due to me weight and he supported me through my band slippage, and held my hand as they rolled me in to surgery to have it removed and my sleeve done. I am so lucky! I found one of the kindest, well put together, sane, fun, caring people I have ever had the pleasure if knowing by online dating. I would have never found him another way. Dating after WLS can get better but you get out of it what you put in. Be honest- about yourself, your goals, and what you want and don't! Learn to weed through the ones who are just going to quickly ask for naked pics.. They can be fun, and tremendous ego boosters but keep your focus on looking for the one who is going to woo YOU! Not just screw you! Eventually you will get tired of the time wasters.. But enjoy the ego boost for a while. You may not see yourself as sexy for a while so it's nice to hear it from others from time to time. Don't let any of the rejections hurt you too badly... We are all looking for our perfect other half and if they don't think you are it--don't try to make yourself fit the mold of what they want. Only you lose in the end of that game. Be true to you and be confident that even if it's not online you will meet someone amazing. And it doesn't matter if they happen to wink at you first or vice versa... Just enjoy and when the right one happens along your path hold on for the ride!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was 120 lbs overweight and joined a dating site on my phone. My BFF had had luck at dates, some bf's but they wouldn't last, so I decided yo give it a try. Went on the first lunch date,..... I was interested but he wasn't so ok pass. Second date only wanted a bitty call PASS! Third date, I decided I would try phone conversations first. Those went very well and were on a daily basis. We had our first date and it took us an hour to order food bc we were talking the whole time! That date was a success! I delete the app a week later. We've been together for two years now and planned to get married! I am 7 month pis top and am living with the man of my dreams. People are surprised at how we met but we fit together perfectly!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I joined eharmony at the weekend and have already found a guy I think I really like. We've been talking lots and he has asked if I would like to go for a drink. Obviously I have said yes but I'm so scared!

I'm only a week and a half post op so I won't be able to drink alcohol and I don't feel like I've lost anywhere near enough weight for him to be attracted to me when we meet.

I don't know whether to tell him about my surgery. What would you guys do? And if you would tell him, would you do it before you met him or not? Argh this is so bloody difficult!

I would wait to start dating after at least 6 weeks, when you can start eating pretty much everything. You'll be down 30-50 lbs your confidence will be higher, and you dont have to worry about not eating on a date.

As far as telling him, I wouldn't. At least not until date #5.

Personally I'm not trying to date anyone until I get near my goal. I'm on a mission for the next year, a goal to hit and I don't need any distractions, added stress, or complications right now. I say that now, and then 3 weeks later I meet the girl of my dreams watch: karma.

Edited by Chase30

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks, you all, for your inspiring words. I have always been really shy, and would love to meet someone. Also meet people around my own age to hang out with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a question for the more seasoned online daters here. Is there a time limit between communicating via email and meeting in person?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Current BF contacted me in the early afternoon... we met that evening. For me, the sooner the better. They call it online dating, but you're not really supposed to try to DATE online, the whole purpose is just to find potential dates.

Occasionally I'd wait longer to meet someone if we lived in different cities or if our schedules didn't quite match up, but if he's not interested in at least TALKING about a meet early on, then NEXT... I don't have time to waste on someone who just wants to chat with me online.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Current BF contacted me in the early afternoon... we met that evening. For me' date=' the sooner the better. They call it online dating, but you're not really supposed to try to DATE online, the whole purpose is just to find potential dates. Occasionally I'd wait longer to meet someone if we lived in different cities or if our schedules didn't quite match up, but if he's not interested in at least TALKING about a meet early on, then NEXT... I don't have time to waste on someone who just wants to chat with me online.[/quote'] wow! That makes sense. If you don't mind me asking, how far apart in age are you and your current bf?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree the sooner the better. I have found the longer you spend emailing the more you build each other up in your minds and the less likely it is to work out. Best of luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree the sooner the better. I have found the longer you spend emailing the more you build each other up in your minds and the less likely it is to work out. Best of luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok question. ..I'm at 10 weeks out and I ran into a serious blast from the past. He is divorced now so he has asked me out. I would like to go but there r 2 things..1. He smokes (I use too but no longer) 2. He is not physically active n I'm trying to make that a part ofy lifestyle now. I know that if I did go out it would just b on the fun level. I'm not physically attracted to him.. so booty call is not an option...lol. do u think it would b unfair to go out with him knowing how I really feel ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok question. ..I'm at 10 weeks out and I ran into a serious blast from the past. He is divorced now so he has asked me out. I would like to go but there r 2 things..1. He smokes (I use too but no longer) 2. He is not physically active n I'm trying to make that a part ofy lifestyle now. I know that if I did go out it would just b on the fun level. I'm not physically attracted to him.. so booty call is not an option...lol. do u think it would b unfair to go out with him knowing how I really feel ..
I would say it depends on what he's looking for but I don't see the harm in it..it's just a date right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×