I have ants in my pants!

[gamergirl 4,610]

Sometimes the very things we fight are the ones that are good for us. I've been fighting taking meds for inflammation for a week now. I spent the weekend almost shut in bed, in pain everywhere and unable to do much. I was hungry and I hurt.

So I gave in and took my RA shot last night and today, I have ants in my pants! I can NOT sit still. I was able to join my husband and our dog for a half-mile walk which doesn't sound like much, but when I tell you I was struggling to walk into the kitchen from the bedroom this weekend, you will see how huge that sounds. I have thoughts of getting on my stationary cycle and putting in 20 minutes just to amuse myself. Really.

And I wonder now WHY I fought the meds so much? You know what I've concluded? I fought them because I don't want to see myself as someone who has RA, who needs medication, who sometimes needs to restrict her activities because of it. I want to see myself as healthy, as strong, as fit, and someone who can live life without worrying about pain.

Of course, I refused to do the ONE thing that could get me to my idea self--which was take my shot.

I see many of us doing this on the forum. We know we should track, but we don't want to be that person that has to track all her food, so we fight it. We know some of us can't eat carbs, but we have just a bite. We know we shouldn't keep Snacks in the house, but sometimes we do because we want to feel in control.

I think our ideal selves often fight with our real selves, and sometimes, our ideal selves are what stand in the way of getting to our ideals, if that makes sense.

Oh all the ways we find to self-destruct. I'm curious what your self-sabotaging behaviors are? Things that you KNOW you should do, but struggle with?

[NMJG 1,266]

Yeah, I have been struggling getting my prescription meds and Vitamins down. I still have high BP so I really need to take my meds daily, although it's gotten much better since losing weight. And what's up with the vitamins? Seems so hard to get them down, yet without them I have definite deficiencies. It isn't like they are even that bad. Just my self destructive behavior

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Oh I so get where you are with your meds. I took years to tell people about my arthritis because I didn't see myself as an ill person and didnt want others to view me like that. Stupid, huh?

Once people realised how bad it was, my life got easier because people understood why things were happening, why I was exhausted, why I couldn't stand for long periods, why I couldn't walk any distance andI got the support I actually needed.

Glad you took the shot - it takes nothing away from you being a strong, courageous woman, you are still the same just now not in pain :-)))))

So much has happened to me in recent years, I am not sure I have any self-destruct traits left - I think for the first time in 52 years I like me, respect myself for coming through some tough times and finally feel able to be who I am, warts and all...