Three years ago I went to the bariatric seminar planning on having surgery as soon as possible. I walked out telling myself that if I have to wait six months - screw it. I could do it on my own. I'm 50 years old, live like I'm 30, very active socially, and enjoy my Friday night cocktails. Part of my problem is that I actually have a very happy life - with the exception of being too fat to shop in an normal store - and being too fat to even roll over comfortably on a bed, let alone having a normal physical life with my husband (I know - nobody talks about that part - but let's face it, it's reality). Four months ago I went back to the same seminar, told them I had been there three years ago, and was asked "So, how'd that work out for ya?" Clearly, it did not. I was immediately approved due to health issues and scheduled for four weeks out (had my pre-op visits scheduled in advance so it moved very quickly). After my pre-op class I walked out feeling a bit defeated and cheated... the woman teaching it was a surgical failure. Bypass 8 years ago and a band 2 years ago - and still very overweight. My emotions took over and I cancelled my surgery. Rescheduled it and cancelled again. Rescheduled and started my pre-op diet yesterday. Holy He**!!!! I am freaking starving! Is this for real!?!?! Honestly, I'm not sure how this is going to go..... I would love to say "I'm going to be a winner! Rah! Rah!", but past experience has shown me that may not be the case. I also don't want to set my self up for failure. Right now I'm going through the motions until surgery date. Everyone else seems so excited to be getting this done. Is there anyone out there who feels like I do? Just a little uncertain?

To all who have commented.... i thank you for your input... but, i'm finding that many of those who have had the surgery seem to be a bit harsh and may have lost their understanding - or are just too different from me to relate to. TwinsMama - I have researched this EXTENSIVELY for three entire years. I would be a moron not to have done that. In fact, my knowledge base on both the physical and mental aspects of the procedure and lifestyle required are so extensive that two doctors I've spoke to thought I had a medical background. i've been on chat boards, blogs, seen nutritionists, doctors, and know I'm not "alone" - i was just hoping to find people who felt the same way i do, and have/had the same concerns. It is the "process" i find to be bu*****. it is the moneymaking i find to be bul****. THAT is what i have a problem with - along with the new statistics that show over 50% of people gain the weight back throughout a period of 5 years - and that those numbers are likely much higher considering the people that don't report back to their doctors and aren't included in the statistics. My own doctor's staff member has had staggering weight gain - along with multiple other people I know. Nobody is immune to the possibility that this weight will come back.

Yes, I considered making changes prior to this. I tried making changes - and my inability to do so is what makes me a true candidate for the surgery. i have an eating disorder. i need help. it takes a desperate person to go get more than half of their stomach cut out and give up so much for the remainder of their lives. The fact that i'm fully aware nothing can prepare me is what makes me exceptionally nervous - exceptionally cautious - and exceptionally uncertain. If I could have gone through the prep easily I wouldn't be having this surgery at all. I'd be continuing the prep as a way to lose weight rather than having someone make me physically unable to overeat.

No one can be 100% certain as to what their actions will be until they are in a situation. Accepting that as a human being leaves me room to be comfortable with my uncertainty. I'd be an a** to go into this saying "Oh Boy - this is going to be great! I'm going to be skinny and life will be grand."

In short, everyone is entitled to their thoughts. I woke up this morning feeling very positive about the situation and after reading a few comments on this site i'm a little floored.

Now I understand why a few people pm'ed me instead of posting publicly. There are a handful out there with the same concerns I have - they just didn't make them public. Good luck to all of you. May your journey be smooth and your goal come to you.

Cm, as I mentioned, I wasn't coming down on you. I'm only 11 weeks out and had complications...this is still very real to me as I can only go a few days at one stretch without throwing up. My purpose was to ensure that you did the proper research. Many many people who come to this site have not done so, stick around a while and you'll see exactly what I mean.

All of us at one time got cold feet and post-op got the "what did I do to myself". What scares me about your case is that you've put this off 3 times. I haven't seen anyone do that before. It made me question your support system (which you said in another post, you didn't really have outside your hubby) and readiness.

You have to be fully ready to take this on. What I've seen here is nothing less than sheer determination from people close to their dates. I mean people who have paid for lawyers, taken time off work, left family behind for weeks, almost died, traveled to distant places...all out of sheer determination.

Based on this and your other posts, it didn't sound like you were sold on this surgery. In fact, it seemed like you were still in decision making mode. This is why I was so stunned you were already on the liquid diet...by that time, most of us are so sold we know there is no turning back.

I've had a long painful road so I believe in being honest with others. This was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. My goal is to make sure before anyone takes a chance with their life, they have ample support, done adequate research, and are absolutely determined.

I really don't want to discourage you from what is for most of us a lifesaving surgery, but on this site, I make it a point to be honest with newbies and to give both sides of this experience. If you think I/we're being rough on you, it is not our intention. Our intentions come out of a place of wanting to be helpful while also very very real and honest.