Lower Body Lift Fun!

[puddin 7]

Thanks you guys. Yes, men just want me for one thing right now. The sex is an addiction, I know it is. I wipe the slate clean every week and every week someone new comes around, or someone old tries to contact me for a booty call. If they catch me in a weak moment, I'll often give in. My sister knows. She tried to tell me yesterday that it's worse than a drug addiction. I don't know about that, but I do know that these days it's often two or three men a week. Sometimes the same guy, sometimes not. And almost always they just want one thing from me. There's one guy I date who I just can't tell what I've been doing. He's decent and we've never had sex, but he just can't know. I have a good friend who knows almost everything, but not everything. It's a pretty shady history and it keeps getting worse and worse. Now there's video floating out there of Brady and I. I don't know what possessed me to agree to take video. It's spiraling quickly but sometimes I just don't have the desire to pull myself out of the spiral. I look at the girls I go to church with and I feel so far from where they are right now - which is where I was 6 months ago. It's a crazy double-life.

And Evilah, I have had a similar experience and I think this is one reason I put on the weight as well. I think somehow I'll be able to get out of this, but it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of change of heart.

[areellady 1]

Puddin,

I want to share my feelings of sorrow for what you are going through. I can honestly say that if I were not married and I lost all my weight that I would not be doing the same exact thing. I think a lot of that has to do with being fat and being ignored by men...I know I have lost 32 pounds since the 5th of April and though fat still I dont feel fat.. I feel kinda skinny now...it feels good to feel good about yourself....I know all everyone is telling you that these guys are using you, and you know it. You are using them too. I think when you find the right one you will know it...and I dont know what to tell you about the guilt...sex if great...really really great...and when you find the right guy, you are going to say to yourself..."WOW...and I thought the sex was good with the other ones..."..Love yourself enough to know that you are a special special person who has been through a lot. You seem to have such an awesome personality and beautiful smile and now you have a beautiful body, but it is your body. Not every guy that wants it..it is YOURS!! So, if you choose to keep doing what you are doing...make wise choices...I think you know what I mean(protection) from EVERYTHING...VD and pregg...you dont want a disease to stop you from being able to enjoy your sex life when you DO find the right one...Deanna

[puddin 7]

Deanna

Thanks for your words. You're right. It's a whole new experience being desired by men. I put it to my friend like this: "Ever see a pretty girl and think 'If I could get that I SO would!'" (he's a guy)? Well, that's how it is for me now. I see men that are good looking... really good looking... and they WANT me. They tell me I have a 'great body.' Imagine that! Imagine being fat your entire life, men never taking a second look at you, and now having this supermodel of a man tell you that you are sexy and he desires you. Not only that, but he desires you over and over. It's flattering and yet it's the greatest form of disrespect. So you get caught in this crazy cycle of having sex, feeling terrible about yourself to the point where you think you're only worth that, then you go out and have it again and feel even worse. It's a downward spiral. I've done things in the past two weeks that I never, ever thought I'd do. I want to stop. I told myself today to STOP right now before I kill my sanity, but even right now I want to have it again. I want to call Drew up. But I know I can't do it, for my own mental health. I pray to have the strength tomorrow to resist this again.

[Evilah 1]

Hi!

Just wanted to say some things I remembered about dating, maybe it will help you out. I lost about 40 llbs before I met my husband, and was then 70 pounds lighter than I am now. But I remember before I lost that 40 lbs., going out with my girlfriends, and not looking, just wanting to have fun and joke and laugh all night, and guys would give me the fat girl routine. They wouldn't say it outright but it seemed like what they were thinking was that they were better looking than me, and that I would be easy because of that. So they'd hit on me, and take liberties with me, and disrespect me, and be dishonest with me in ways they wouldn't to thinner/more attractive girls. I fell for it a few times before I realized what was going on, that I wasn't getting taken seriously because I was fat, and that guys were capitalizing on that fact. I knew I was fat, but didn't see myself as fat, I still had the self-worth of a skinny person, the one I used to be. In fact, a fellow "fat-girl" explained the phenomenon to me because I had dated so little as a fat person. You know what's the worst? A gay girl gave me the fat-girl routine once! Can you believe that?

Do these guys know about your old self? Do you think you ever get the fat-girl routine? (not taken seriously, but taken for granted) If I could just give you a big dose of snobby, skinny girl, no one's good enough for me attitude over the internet, I would. You certainly deserve the best and deserve to be true to yourself and deserve to be respected and valued and loved. It's not the best attitude to have, but it would certainly serve as a defense. When you're good looking, It's so hard to be kind, and fun, and friendly to people (men) without getting a massive attracted response.

best wishes

-Evilah

[Evilah 1]

Just to clarify, I meant, do you think guys capitalize on the fact that you used to be big, and while you look great, sense that you may be vulnerable because of the huge change that's happened to you, that you may still have the mind frame of someone not so attractive?

[Suzzzie. 3]

Deanna

Thanks for your words. You're right. It's a whole new experience being desired by men. I put it to my friend like this: "Ever see a pretty girl and think 'If I could get that I SO would!'" (he's a guy)? Well, that's how it is for me now. I see men that are good looking... really good looking... and they WANT me. They tell me I have a 'great body.' Imagine that! Imagine being fat your entire life, men never taking a second look at you, and now having this supermodel of a man tell you that you are sexy and he desires you. Not only that, but he desires you over and over. It's flattering and yet it's the greatest form of disrespect. So you get caught in this crazy cycle of having sex, feeling terrible about yourself to the point where you think you're only worth that, then you go out and have it again and feel even worse. It's a downward spiral. I've done things in the past two weeks that I never, ever thought I'd do. I want to stop. I told myself today to STOP right now before I kill my sanity, but even right now I want to have it again. I want to call Drew up. But I know I can't do it, for my own mental health. I pray to have the strength tomorrow to resist this again.

Ahhh, Puddin. When I see a skinny girl with a cute body I always think to myself "Oh, the sin I could commit with that body." Seriously. Thats all I think about... being thin and desired and the 'things' I would do. But I don't think I will, if I ever get that body (the one you have now is what I want). I've ALWAYS been the fat girl. I can't imagine anything else.

For the past 1 1/2 years now I have let a man that I really really like take total advantage of me. I've not had sex with him, mostly cause I think he is too beautiful to be scarred by seeing my fat body naked. We've done 'other' things though. Things I'm not proud of. Things that usually leave me feeling used and even more worthless than I usually feel. After I see him I vow to not see him again... and a week or so will go by and he'll call. I adore his beauty, and he is 6' 5" and muscular. He has a good job, and drives a freaking Mercedes. Seriously, that is exactly the superficial things I want in a guy... if only I was thin I feel like I would try to take things further with him, but as it is I hold back and only see him when he wants something from me. It's a sad cycle that I'm having trouble breaking. I've never had a guy desire me before... whether his desire for me is true, or just so that he can get whats he wants?

Ugh.

Sorry for rambling on...

But I totally understand the mindframe... It's somewhere between where I am, and where I think I want to be someday.

[Eficka 0]

<p>Hi Puddin and Suzzzie,</p> <p>girls I so relate to you! I feel excatly the same although I dont have that perfect body like Puddin guys are chasing me. When I was bigger I knew they must like my personality mostly but now Im not sure.</p> <p>Ok I didnt want to tell anyone but here it goes:</p> <p>I have profile on myspace, one guy contacted me and we had pretty good conversation, then he invited me for a drink. he took his friend and I took mine.He is really good looking and I was amazed that he is actually interested in me (I still have that fat girl syndrome although now Im "just" cute chubby) so we drank and then kissed. I was really convinced I wont make out with him cause he is the bad boy.But after 7tequilas we went to my place.The whole evening he was telling me that Im so sexy and attractive. So we went to my place but set boundaries that no sex bla bla bla...well we made out heavily ended up completely naked...let me tell you it was so wild I would describe it as animalistic.When he left he sent me text that he hopes to see me again.(Ive done this for the first time, I never take guys home the night I meet them)</p> <p>All this was last Monday, oh and I forgot to tell you that on Sunday we had a naughty internet conversation (I think that was the first mistake that led to the other one).</p> <p>Now its Monday again and Ive heard from him like once or twice without any hint of meeting again, but might be that Ive got angina (tonsilitis?) and Im on antibiotics.</p> <p>First thing is that I really like that guy and would love to date him, but Im afraid that he isnt "boyfriend material" and although I really had fun I feel used cause I was expecting to see him again.</p> <p>I so understand you both cause Im now looking normal but my mind is still that of a fat girl.</p> <p>Dont knwo what to do? Im probably not going to contact him anymore and see if he calls.If not then I must somehow change, cause I know attract men sexually but I want to attract them also in relationship way.I want someone who would love me and who would accept my love.</p> <p> </p> <p>Sorry I know its kinda long but I needed to vent it.Thanks:-)</p> <p>Love Eva</p>

[Suzzzie. 3]

Ok I didnt want to tell anyone but here it goes:</p> <p>I have profile on myspace, one guy contacted me and we had pretty good conversation, then he invited me for a drink.

HAha. That is how I met this guy...and about 3 others that I've had 'relations' with over the past 2-3 years. I love myspace for making new friends, and getting together with old friends...but then there seem to want one thing.

Good for you for not calling him!

[kareyquilts 1]

Puddin: Why are you being so self destructive? I hope you are getting some counseling, because you are on the losing end of your behavior. Please get some distractions in your life. Are you still going to do the big marathon thing in June? Are you doing in service work? You need to be what you want to attract! I wish you the best.

[kygal 0]

Puddin,

You really really need to be seeing a theraptist. The short term, rather random sexual liasons that you are describing can certainly be dangerous. You may find yourself needing more than a condom one to get away safely, and there are also heavy emotional consequences. If you can't see your pastor about this, see a therapist.

[8675309 0]

Just remember, you may marry or become a Senator one day. Please, don't participate in any other compromising videos.

You are such an inspirataion to me as far as working out and dieting. I also appreciate your incredible candor. I just hate you are doing this to yourself and then beating yourself up afterwards.

[tztmama 0]

Puddin,

There is an fellowship called "Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous". It is a great program based on the 12 steps used for addictions. You are a beautiful young woman in many ways and deserve so much more. I know that I feel uncomfortable when men notice me and often crave my "fat suit". Albeit, I am 46 and don't get the attention of a young woman, I still sort of cringe when I do. I have gone through menopause so my sex drive is not what it used to be. I hope you do whatever it takes to find true and lasting happiness.

Take care, sweetie.

[puddin 7]

Dammit, you guys, it's GOTTA STOP! I'm HURTING PEOPLE now with this. The guy Monday and yesterday was a virgin before he met me. A good church boy. Freak. And the guy from last Saturday and Thursday was my old zone leader from my mission who's also getting married in a week from tomorrow (though I didn't know it at the time). The fella from LAST Monday is someone who is taking discussions from the missionaries. I needed to be an EXAMPLE, not a freakin slut with him. These are just some of the guys recently... This is so incredibly out of control. It's stopping today. This madness is stopping today.

[kareyquilts 1]

You're in trouble, emotionally, physically, spiritually and self image wise. Get some help!

[tztmama 0]

Puddin,

Get to a meeting. You are hurting yourself as much as others, even though these men who are committed to other women are to blame for their own poor judgement. Go get help. Go to a sex and love addicts meeting along with one on one therapy. Your behavior is NOT ok. It is self destructive. You didn't come all this way with your weight loss etc just to be miserable.