Why maintenance is so hard...

[Butterthebean 8,146]

The whole time I was losing, I never gave 2 thoughts to maintenance. I figured the body would find a happy weight and just stay there. Well, it kinda has. But my mind isn't coming along for the ride. Maintenance is hard for me because it's emotionally taxing. It's like there is this constant, permanent low grade stress that I can't shake. Losing weight was great. I was getting somewhere. Maintenance is like standing still.....and standing still is too close to backing up. Its disconcerting.

In my old life, if I worried about my weight, I'd have that same low grade stress all the time, always worried about my health. But back then I was able to shroud myself in denial for periods of time and forget about it. Of course, when I did that, I always gained weight. I think that's my fear now. If I relax....if I forget about what I need to do....I'll gain. And I will, I've already done it. The couple of times I've thrown caution to the wind, I gained back a few pounds very quickly. Those new habits aren't as ingrained as I'd like them to be. They still take a certain amount of effort and diligence. Perhaps they always will.

I often hear people say they didn't have this surgery to be on a diet for the rest of their lives. Well, what is a diet if not being diligent about what you eat? If that's a diet, then I'm on one and I'll have to stay on one forever. So be it. Better that than regain the weight.

It's hard yes, but worth it.

What's hard about it for you guys?

[Georgia 2,911]

I think we all struggle with some of the same things you mentioned, BTB. We somehow make ourselves believe that once we "hit" the mark that magically, we are going to stay there without work when in reality, nobody really can do that.

Normal, non-sleevers, have to work to maintain or else all these gajillion gyms and diet centers wouldn't be around!

The hardest for me is knowing that I can MAYBE have a few special things at special times like BDs, parties, but I'm going to have to REALLY work to get back in line. Truly, one weekend of snacking/junk food can add back 3+ pounds quickly.

Maybe it's that as "foodies" we still have that mentality and think we "deserve" to eat again?? I know in my past life (before VSG) once I hit a goal on a "diet" I would tend to then immediately let up and slowly or quickly depending on my mindset regain what was lost!

Like your signature says, "You don't have your patience removed during surgery."

[lsereno 2,525]

I was never in the "I'll ever diet again camp". I was naturally thin into my early 30s, but I did watch what I ate. I cut back when the pants got too tight. And my naturally thin friends pace themselves. Sure, they eat crap occasionally. Occasionally is the operative word.

I've been in maintenance for 16 months. Yes, it's tiring to limit treats and somedays it's just much harder than others. But it's way easier than being more than 100 lbs over a healthy weight.

I worry that I will gain weight back. I think about food a lot. But I'm at goal and I'm pushing for 18 moths at goal, then two years at goal, etc. and I worry about transfer addiction, so I have a limit of 1-2 cocktails 1-2 times per week. That is working for me.

For me the hardest thing has been finding the balance of how much I can eat and still stay at goal. That still looks a bit like a teeter totter for me, up a little, down a little, repeat. I reset my bounce range to 133-137 to deal with that. I haven't went below 134 . I am doing a good job of staying between 135 and 136. But it's not because I'm not thinking about it.

My hope is that as the years go by it will come a little more naturally. Just like the craving for cigarettes slowly eased off as time went by.

Lynda

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

For me, the hardest part is just how careful you need to be. Diet for the rest of my life - hell yes. If i wasn't careful, I would be regaining.

[M2G 1,836]

I think we all struggle with some of the same things you mentioned, BTB. We somehow make ourselves believe that once we "hit" the mark that magically, we are going to stay there without work when in reality, nobody really can do that.

Normal, non-sleevers, have to work to maintain or else all these gajillion gyms and diet centers wouldn't be around!

The hardest for me is knowing that I can MAYBE have a few special things at special times like BDs, parties, but I'm going to have to REALLY work to get back in line. Truly, one weekend of snacking/junk food can add back 3+ pounds quickly.

Maybe it's that as "foodies" we still have that mentality and think we "deserve" to eat again?? I know in my past life (before VSG) once I hit a goal on a "diet" I would tend to then immediately let up and slowly or quickly depending on my mindset regain what was lost!

Like your signature says, "You don't have your patience removed during surgery."

Very well said Georgia.

Butter, there IS something to that 'losing high' that disappears when you see your weight stay the same week in and week out. Or like Georgia said, see it go up 3lbs after a careless weekend. And the weight NEVER leaves as fast as it came on. Never.

And while it sounds fun to say "oh I had surgery so I will never have to diet again" yeah, well, I totally agree with you, call it what you want but maintenance and losing, well it all takes hard work. Call it a meal plan, or a strategy, or the evil "D" word, or whatever you want but surgery doesn't do the work for you for the rest of your life.

And maintenance is FOR life. Losing is temporary. But at least with the sleeve I feel like I have a fighting chance!

[Puja 148]

I also don't like to use the word "diet". Like you, I had this surgery so that I would never have to diet again... but you know what? I really don't feel like I'm on a diet. I'm just eating the way I always should have been eating, and the way that many normal, healthy adults eat!

Yes, I still watch my intake and pace myself, but I no longer beat myself up over a treat. I find it's easier to maintain my sanity if I don't step on a scale. I figure that if I am vigilant, there shouldn't be a need to check my weight. That lifestyle carried me from post-op to maintenance, and I'm very happy with it. I maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle, and that is what I always wanted! I wanted to feel normal, and not be obsessing about my weight! I step onto the scale maybe 2 times a month, to make sure I'm in range. Any more than that would probably give me some serious anxiety.

[aroundhky 1,174]

Very thought provoking points there Butter! Your posts are always an interesting read. Yeah, we are all on "diets" to some degree. The main aspect is what kind of diet are we on? Good, bad, indifferent? For me before the sleeve, I had an awful diet, now it's better. But I see what you're saying on the diet comment. We all have to aware of what we are putting in our bodies, which pretty much is a diet. Especially if we want to eat healthy foods, eat to fuel our exercises, eat to maintain, eat to maximize muscle, etc. For me, I try to make sure I have what I need to stay strong, lean and energetic.....so I call that my "nutritional approach".....but we all know it's still a diet........my diet.

[suejersey 263]

I just have to say bravo and ditto to everything said here. I still have about 20 - 25 pounds to MY goal weight but I can totally relate to all the things said here as I have thought them as well and fear them as well and hope them as well!

[coops 1,790]

Yea, I agree, very interesting.

However, I am not at goal, and therefore not really 'maintaining' my goal weight. But I have pretty much sat at this weight for a very long time (more recently, following the 5:2, I have broken my set point and seeing smaller numbers - still not at goal though.

What I am trying to say is that if this is the way I have to 'live' in order to maintain my weight, so be it. I am not feeling deprived or disappointed in the foods I chose to eat - and it is just that, a choice. Yea, sometimes I will indulge and have some carby goodies... and yes, the scale will go up - but as soon as I stop and resume normal eating, it goes back down.

I always look at my non sleeve, slim friends and they way they view food. Say she goes on holiday - she doesn't think 'oh God I can't eat/drink that 'cos I'll gain weight'. She just goes ahead and enjoys the food choices she makes and deals with it when she gets home. The one friend that always springs to mind has just returned from a 2 week holiday and gained 5lbs ( or that is what she told me) anyway, she wore it like a badge of honor... saying that it was 'proof' of a bloody god holiday! Now she is back she has returned to her normal eating pattern, and those 5lbs have pretty much gone!

I think it is the perception that is important here - she didn't panic or stress out... just dealt with it and the extra pounds went away.

Butter, what you said about the comfort of the losing phase rings true with me also... perhaps one way to deal with this is to find another 'challenge' where you can quantify your results; perhaps fitness... aren't you a runner? Could you use that area to take the empty space of weight loss... make yourself new fitness challenges to fill the space and to give you something to focus on and therefore a feeling of achievement.

I don't know, I might be talking cr*p because I am not at goal and my head is still in the 'need to lose weight' mode.

What I am learning though, is that maintenance is not going to be a walk in the park. Before now, I wasn't even worried about it... perhaps I should reconsider!

Sorry if I blabbed on ...lol

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Some great points everyone! I think when we all start out, we think of goal as the finish line. But like a few have said (Georgia, Cheri), there is no finish line here. Getting to goal does not give us permission to go back to eating the way we were before surgery. I think that is where a lot of people get into trouble. That is why I think it is imperative to make life-long changes that you can maintain, whether you want to call it a diet or diligence, its all in the wording.

When I got surgery, I took the mindset of making changes I knew I could live with for a lifetime. I never went low carb, or tracked calories, but I made a major revamp of what I ate. And even though I still slip up, overall, the habits that I laid down in the beginning are still sticking. But it has taken a long time and it has taken a lot of repetition. And there are days that old habits want to rear their ugly head. Some days they win, most days they don't. And I am working very hard on learning to be a little more forgiving of myself. The worst for me was the guilt/binge cycle and that is what I have worked very hard to get over. The guilt over eating almost anything has been the cause of so many failures for me.

I know I will have to be forever diligent, but I have accepted that. There are days that it does make me a little sad that I won't ever be able to be a little more relaxed about my eating, but I am happier where I am now, being thin and "dieting" than being fat and "dieting".

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I am enjoying this thread.

Since I failed at one WLS (lapband) I had a pretty good idea about what it means to make "permanent lifestyle changes" and the consequences of not achieving that.

However, the reality of it at times slaps me in the face. You know in some ways I am finding friends to be the hardest challenge. I have a gfriend that i do alot of horse camping with. She often tries to entice me to eat ice cream, have sandwiches, eat snacky junk food etc because we are "on vacation". Well, we go camping several times a month - honestly, I can't call that a special occasion. I have also started dating.... most of the time I don't get any flack for my eating habits, but one gentleman i have seen several times remarks that I "don't eat". That isn't true at all, I do eat, but - I skip bread, appetizers and dessert and my main course is generally half portion or less.... Sometimes these people remind me that i am somehow missing out, but i am really not missing out. What I am doing is protecting my health.

I have shared how strongly my surgeon emphasizes this on my follow ups - never forget that I am an obese person who is currently managing my weight very effectively, but it is so easy to slip back. I don't stress about it, I don't get emotional about it. It is like brushing my teeth to prevent cavities - it is just something I need to do - for me. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I am enjoying this thread.

Since I failed at one WLS (lapband) I had a pretty good idea about what it means to make "permanent lifestyle changes" and the consequences of not achieving that.........)

Jane....you've mentioned this before, and I have to say....I salute you for pulling yourself back up and trying again with another WLS. I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been. I've seen strong people give up after alot less. You're a real champion.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Yea' date=' I agree, very interesting.

However, I am not at goal, and therefore not really 'maintaining' my goal weight. But I have pretty much sat at this weight for a very long time ........[/quote']

Coops...I'm proud of you. You've been fighting the good fight for a long time and never a hint of wavering. I admire your determination. I've been joking that my body seems to have gone into maintenance mode even though I wasn't ready for it to happen. I know you can relate.

Yes I have running and it is my crossover addiction. Unfortunately it's alot like weight loss....you see great gains for a while, then you reach the top of that bell curve and the gains slow way down. It makes me try to run more, but my body resists. To make it worse, when I add miles I actually add a few pounds. That's disheartening. I know it's just inflammation, but I'd love it if the inflammation would be equalized by a loss of love handles. Sadly, my extremities keep getting leaner, to the point of being quite veiny....but what little bit of belly I have left isn't going anywhere until I have a TT.

[coops 1,790]

Coops...I'm proud of you. You've been fighting the good fight for a long time and never a hint of wavering. I admire your determination. I've been joking that my body seems to have gone into maintenance mode even though I wasn't ready for it to happen. I know you can relate.

Yes I have running and it is my crossover addiction. Unfortunately it's alot like weight loss....you see great gains for a while, then you reach the top of that bell curve and the gains slow way down. It makes me try to run more, but my body resists. To make it worse, when I add miles I actually add a few pounds. That's disheartening. I know it's just inflammation, but I'd love it if the inflammation would be equalized by a loss of love handles. Sadly, my extremities keep getting leaner, to the point of being quite veiny....but what little bit of belly I have left isn't going anywhere until I have a TT.

thank you... I refuse to give up! This lil sleeve of mine cost me a lot of money... and I view it like a marriage; a commitment, for life, to get me the body I deserve! I am getting there, slowly but surely.

Regarding fitness - have you tried to mix things up? When I first started exercising I also went down the route of jogging - not to the same level as you - but I could go steady on the treadmill for 50-60 mins at one point. Then I got bored, stopped seeing progress and results. I started going to my son's boxing gym. That was absolutely fantastic. Not only did I see huge improvements in my fitness and strength, but also in the way my body looked. Even now, I have so many comments on how good my legs are and how muscly they are (yes, they have a lot of muscle, especially on the calf, and I don't think they look good or feminine, but as I said, I get a lot of positive comments!)!

Anyway, my point is, perhaps you need a new focus... a new fitness regime that will let you see results and feel benefits.

Not sure if you know, but I am 4mths post TT with muscle repair to the lower abs (apparently I had good upper abs - thank you boxing gym!) ... it has also been literally life changing. The recovery is a long road, but so very worth it. I have started going to the women's gym, Curves, and now I am in the swing of it I am starting to see results again. This is my window to get back to the boxing gym (with my surgeon's permission) but I am starting to feel physically and mentally fit again. I also want to try spinning - my hubby has been going and along with a change in his diet - doing the primal style like me - he has seen amazing results and 35lbs lost. He upper body has also changed... his love handles have all bit gone, and he is getting more toned across the shoulders, back and tummy areas. Would this be something you could try?

Dunno, just bouncing some ideas around because, I do understand where you are and I think we are pretty much on the same page.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Yep I was lifting weights hot and heavy again till about 3 weeks ago when I strained my shoulder....again. The scale wasn't moving but I was definitely seeing results in the mirror. Good news is the shoulder is just this week showing signs of feeling better. Hopefully soon I'll be able to get back to the weights. I'd love to join a crossfit gym but the closest one to me is 45 minutes away...and my job is the other direction so it's not very convenient at all. I exercise at home everyday, but the gym seems like it would be a great boost in terms of being around some like minded people. I'm thinking hard about moving very soon and hopefully that will open up some options for me. The whole "house in the country" thing hasn't been all I thought it would be. Gotta get back to civilization.