Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

How to deal with family that disagree with surgery?



Recommended Posts

Hi,

Im new here and need to know how others have dealt with this issue. My boyfriend is unsure of the surgery. I have shown him everything from the doctor, and nothing has helped. My best friends are ok with me doing it. One is even wanting to take from his job in India to come back to the states for my first month. I have some great support but from the one that I need it the most from. Help?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why is he unsure of your surgery? Have you asked him to write down his reasoning. Sometimes people can write down their feelings on paper easier then saying them. Perhaps if you asked him to write down his pro's and con's about you having surgery, and at the same time you can write down the pro's and con's for your self.

Please note there are some people who will be in you life for just a season. Maybe the person who is your real cheerleader is the one who is willing to come home from India to be there for you could be the person who will always be by your side. Remember you must believe in yourself before others will. Those who dont do not need to be in your life.

Hang in there

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband was unsure, too. You have to do what's best for you, though :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are doing this surgery for you and your health and this should be about you. My husband wasn't on board with this decision at first but I told him that I am doing this for my health so I can be there for him and my kids. My husband's point was that he wanted us to try and have one more baby before the surgery. Your boyfriend should understand that this is all about your health. Unless if he is scared of losing you when you start losing weight and looking fabulous.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the support. I think he just needs some time to understand it. Before I went to the doctors appointment I told him dont worry this takes months and months. Im sure surgery will not be until next year. Well, I came home will all my required appointments set with in 12 days time and now we are just waiting on a surgery date. Im shocked on the quickness of it but Im ready. Im sure he will come around but it's going to take time for him to do so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This may sound snippy, but, it really boils down to it is your life, your health, and you have to do what is best for both of that. Dont let anyone rob you of precious time. I wish I had done it years ago, and I have had some issues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was once the unsure husband. I thought my wife's surgery was extreme and I worried that there wasn't enough history for the procedure to be safe. She was patient with me, but told me she WAS having this surgery. She lost 107 lbs since having the surgery a little over a year ago. She says it was the best decision ever.

Now for the poetic justice part: Now I am having sleeve surgery on July 25! Her success and numerous doctors begging me to take action brought me to evaluate my options and I am just about to take the same journey as my wife did. So I guess there is hope for even the unsure or unsupportive husband!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×