gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I know what you mean Sheryl. I have been saying this for months. I am much bigger now than when I was this weight before. i am assuming it's because I've lost a lot of muscle.

I had no ideal the hell you went through with your thigh. I know you posted your doctor was not answering your calls or emails. Did he finally come through for you? After all the hell, pain and infection, are you going to have the results you wanted? I'm so sorry to hear about it now that I have all the details.

I'm still depressed. I went to the beach today with Ralph this really boring guy I met last week. He wants me to go fishing. He's nice, but I am not even slightly attracted to him. I told him I needed a walking partner and if he was up for it, we could be friends. I made it clear that I'm not interested in any other way. It's much better than walking/hiking alone. I am alone way too much.

A good friend is dying from liver cancer from Hep C. I feel so terrible.

Coops, I am so glad you had a good time at Disney. I went there in 1972 when the theme park was the only thing there. It must be fun to be in another country!

I worry about Florinda too, because she seemed suicidal to me.

Cathy you're doing so great getting off those extra lbs. I am not doing so great. I can only do well for a couple days and then I have some binge that brings me right back to where I started. I am doing much better getting exercise in though.

It was really good to hear from you too Kim. I am glad more of our group are posting again. I feel like I can be more myself here.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

@@Oregondaisy Dr Sauceda has been wonderful and supportive but he took a long weekend off without telling me. He was gone the Thurs to Sunda when the infection bloomed. It was frustrating and scary but in truth it was better I went to ER as I am not sure my primary would have been comfortable treating me. If I had it to over again, I would skip the thighs but they are MUCH improved so there is a benefit.

I am sorry about your friends dying. I hope you get some peace being there for her. I hate going through this, lost too many people too young....

I don't know if this is applicable but I told my counselor once that most prospective dates I find boring and feel no attraction. She asked me to consider if that is really true or if it is self protection. Like if everyone is too boring or whatever for me, I avoid the future loss. I don't fear rejection but I am coming to realize how much I hate getting to know someone and then he is gone, even if we weren't in love. I don't let go easily and since I KNOW 99 percent don't work out I have fine tuned my ability to block anything before it starts. I have a real problem with finding men my age or older as boring, unattractive etc. I never felt th a that way before I started dating so there may be a grain of truth.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I need advice on something. It hasn't started yet, but early comments tell me it will begin soon.. one of my best friends will soon start telling me I am too thin. She did this before, she brought up that I had gotten too thin before recently and she made a comment of how tiny my thighs are since the lift....so I am expecting the remarks to begin soon.

Ok, I am 5'5", weighed 153 this morning - aiming for 145-150 zone. I currently wear 6/8 pants (did get down to 4/6, even some 2s when I was working out) and more like 8/10 on top. Previously I was more of an 8/med on top. I have a robust build, big ribcage etc but I don't think anyone can see my weight and size as too thin as long as I feel good and am healthy. I think I look thin too her because she is a pear and I have a skinny butt and lean legs (for the most part).

It's easy to say it is not her business but she is a good friend, her concern comes from a place of love so I do have to face this and respond somehow. I was thinking about choosing clothes to hide my weightloss and then I realized how dumb that is and so thought I would ask you all for advice.

@@sarsar you saw me....probably 8# heavier than I am now (don't remember actually) so I think you know I am not wasting away, I have a big build and weigh more than people think. I am bigger than you from the waist up for sure.

I try to not let this bother me but I guess deep inside I will always have some insecurities about my size....

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I would tell her that this is the weight where I feel happiest at. Tell her you want a bounce range for weekends, etc, when you end up with a gain. Tell her you have it under control and it hurts your feelings for her to imply that you don't.

I wish I had that problem. I was 146 this a.m. I ended up drinking a high calorie frapachino yesterday. I don't seem to have any willpower. 146 is high for 5'2".

I am a 10- 12 more 12s in pants and large or x large in tops. I have acquired a belly and my thighs are so much bigger than they used to be. None of my pants fit me.

There is no way I could become attracted to the fishing guy. I like him but the thought of kissing him makes me want to stop dating. I've told him we can only be friends so lets see if he calls again.

My friend diet at 2am . I'm so sad.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Sorry about your loss Denise. It's really hard.

I think I am a little tired of people caring about what I way. If i had always been trim nobody would bat an eye...but since I used to be obese it's like I don't have the right to getting a summer beach body (ha) without someone commenting on it. It is not like I have an unhealthy low weight....

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[UK Cathy 977]

Sorry about your friend Denise. XX

[coops 1,790]

Sorry to hear about your friend Denise, tough times ahead so try to make the most of your friendship >cwtches<

Sheryl, it really winds me up when people/friends/work mates comment on weight, especially the 'oh your too small now' type comments. They didn't give a flying sh*t when I (we) we morbidly obese, and no one ever said to me, 'oh you should lose weight because you're too fat!' So, what is the difference? Hmmm, there is none.

We have to be comfortable in our own skin... be it 100lbs or 300lbs...

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be satifised with my body, but that doesn't mean I am not happy with how I feel, even if I think I could look better. When I was in Florida, I totally rocked by bathing suite (one piece) in front of 45 kids! I was in a good place mentally and felt great. At nearly 45, I feel fit and healthy and I wanted to portray that to the kids, especially the girls.

I am envious of those of you who weigh less, of course I am. I will continue to try and lose more, of course I will. However, I refuse to be told what to weigh, what to wear, and how to exercise.

We should all rock our succesess, weight related or not! Be proud ladies... we are awesome!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Thanks coops, you are completely right. I am trying to not take it personally but I really feel if I had never been fat, nobody would think being a normal weight is too thin. I shouldn't make so much of it, but sometimes I feel like they don't think I deserve it or something even though I KNOW that isn't their meaning.

I was playing with my cell camera (it has a timer so I can prop it and take better selfies!) And even though I know I am a great weight, I look so....round .... in all the photos. I am happy with my body but damn I hate photos, I look old and fat in them.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Some of the photos I took today.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

  

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[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Sheryl you look great in the first picture with the printed blue dress. You look really thin. Your hair looks cute too. I don't like the other 2 as well where your hair is back and not showing.

I have a galaxy 5. I don't know if it has a timer on it. I suck at taking pictures. I'd like to try it though. I could try on a bunch of clothes and see what looks best in pictures.

I talked to my friend today while we were out hiking. She's a photo nut and I asked her if she would photoshop stuff I don't like. I was shocked she said she would. She's always telling me to give up on finding a man, so I was surprised she said she would help me.

I'm going to make it a point to find more to do. There is a group cleaning up the area because people dump stuff in the woods. they post pictures on Facebook every day of the junk they take out of the woods. This would be good exercise, as well as it being good for my depression, because I would feel helpful.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

So nice to hear from all you ladies! So sorry for your loss Denise... Sometimes life is so hard to take.

I have to say, Coops, you look darling in those photos! Sheryl! Glam! You don't look too thin, you look just right. Georgia, you are an inspiration to me. I was going to start 5:2 again on thursday, but just couldn't wait so fasted yesterday and kept it under 1300 cals today with some good exercise as well. I am way up and it is SO easy for me to gain right now. I need to lose close to 30 pounds if I want to back at the old low. I just don't feel that "normal" feeling any more... I know I still weight less than I used to.... but.... anyway... I'm back on track, and so happy to have your company ladies! Cathy, you are such a great support here, I really appreciate you.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

It's better if you can get someone to take your picture so that is great. I am sure your phone has the same timer feature, made it possible to do body shots although theyd be better with a real camera and photographer. My hair was really messed up - frizzy - as i had been laying on it so not its usual possiton.
I might try again on a better hair day!

First few pix I took, my face looked very pale - not sure if it is the lighting - so i upped the makeup. I am experimenting with blush techniques.

Anyway, my point is, I am liking being in the low 150s, but to my eye, I am still a little fluffy. I don't mean fat, but i have a round look, not a lean look. Of course, the plan is to change that via working out once i am cleared for it but I am far far from too thin..

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

@@feedyoureye it's discouraging, but I know you can get rid of 30#. My friend Mary has annual event - from Jan to about Apr she crash diets and loses 20-40# depending on how bad the gain. She is super super active in her daily life so when she stops eating junk, does 2 shakes a day plus a salad for dinner she drops weight incredibly fast. Then, in the spring through the following Christmas she gains 20-40#. I would be very stressed out by that pattern, but she has apparently done this for a long time.

Anyway, it is hard with our history to not feel overwhelmed. i felt alarmed when i was solidly in the 160s, but in truth, although its been slow, it hasn't been that difficult to get back under my generous goal weight. I lose maybe 2-3 pounds a month if i am just tightening up a little and it is hard for my brain to except that as an improvement, but of course it is!

We have talked before about that voice in your head - your coach. I will never forget my mom saying repeatedly "if you don't lose at least 10# a month, you shouldn't even bother". She didn't mean to mess me up and her weight problem was relatively minor, and after all this time - I still fight that believe system. But truth of the matter is, even if you only lose 2-3# per month, that 30# is gone by late summer which is incredible. I am not saying to limit yourself to my slow way, but just saying it felt more like I am still in maintenance, just being more careful. It doesn't feel like a "diet" just going back to basics and cutting back on the wine and other problem areas.

[Georgia 2,911]

I agree with the sentiment about others critiquing our weight. It's like it becomes a threat to them! Lol. That the "fat girl" should EVER weigh less than them! Ha! I was discussing health and stuff with my sister. She said she was walking 2 miles a day and doing some core strengthening so I told her I was back on track with food and losing. That I had lost 17 lbs. she said,"oh, I didn't realize you could gain weight now! Your surgery made it easy for you!" Clunk!!! That's what I wanted to do to her. Haha!! EASY. Nope. Still a fight "err day!"" .

I do agree, Sheryl, once started and losing a bit it helps me realize, okay, I can do this. And I CAN still lose the weight. I let myself get freaked that i will be unable to control myself or semi-maintain.

Denise, you can too. It is hard to get back to a level of real control for me once I really start bad snacking though.

Kim, I am blown away by your nature shots!! I hope you are planning a book or something. 30# is not insurmountable!!!

Sheryl and Denise, I do agree though. I think somehow our bodies gang up on us. Like "okay, I'll let you get down to that weight but not that SIZE!" I feel and look larger in pics and clothes now than at this weight two years ago!!

Sheryl, I want to look as OLD as you!! Ha!

Coops, good for you on the bathing suit! I just do not have the muscle tone in my legs anymore. Not enough exercise. I settle for a cute pair of swim shorts and tank top usually. Even when I was large I had tight good upper legs. Now, um, age plus weight loss not pretty!