gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[M2G 1,836]

Wow, deep thoughts going on around here! I agree we all need to be kinder, more gentle to ourselves. Some of us have reached a goal, only to have it cruelly snatched away due to pregnancy, medication, our own doing, and some of us have never even reached that goal, sitting by watching others climb down the scale getting their victory.

Goal. What is that?

Was it to wear a certain size? Or look fabulous? Or was it to stop the obesity cycle and have a fighting chance to live a "normal" life, uncomplicated by the risk factors that obesity brings (edited to add that a certain size or looking fab are definitely a bonus!! Can't deny it!) And while we all get the "idea" behind what surgery promised us...none of us knew what would be waiting for us at the finish line. Would we trade all the fat in the world for loose skin and less hair? We said YES (knowing there was a good chance of that happening) but we also said "we don't care we are sick of being THIS BIG, living this way..." But the reality of living with what we are left with after the initial high of losing the weight is gone, well that really is testing the mettle.

I admit that self-sabotage was part of the way I lived when I was morbidly obese. And sometimes I have a hard time telling that voice to SHUT IT. Because let's face it, I knew I was not going to come out of this perfect. Better, yes...perfect, no. So I have to remember how miserable I felt when the obesity hung around my waist, my thighs, my every organ. It's not fun to live like that, which is why I had surgery. I wanted to have fun in life, instead of sitting around waiting for it to get better. Surgery was the brass ring on the carousel...my last chance.

So did I ever get to goal? Nope

Will I ever give up? Nope

When I do get to goal (my goal, not my surgeon's, not the BMI calculator's version...MY goal) will I sit like a Queen on her throne eating bon bons? NOPE

Life is for living, not waiting for the "next" best thing to come along. If I could go back in time and have a little chat with my high-school age self who THOUGHT she was fat, OMG...what would I say? I would say LOVE WHO YOU ARE. Look how tiny you are and you don't even know it!

Enjoy yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself! We all need to remember this.

Buuut, it doesn't mean we can't vent or whine here because let's face it loving ourselves is not always easy. So we need that reminder once in a while.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

M2G, I am printing this response out and hanging it above my workspace <3.

If I could have a talk with 15 yr old me, first of all I would give her a glimpse of the horrors to come if she doesn't make her health a priority. Then I would tell her the secret of the universe - nobody is going to beat the snot out of you for trying. Be brave because only good things come from it. ask that boy out, wear that bikini, tell that bully b!tch to STFU, stand up to your parents, tell them their abuses and self absorption will not stand, oh yeah and take French instead of Spanish

[Georgia 2,908]

Perspective. I think we might all need to take a deep breath today and just love ourselves. Do I love ALL of me? No. Do I know I've got to change SOME of me? Yes. But, life is short. Here is a poem my Pastor used yesterday. I looked it up today when i started reading this thread this morning.

It was spring but it was summer I wanted;

the warm days and the great outdoors....

It was summer but it was fall I wanted; the colorful leaves and the cool dry air.

It was fall but it was winter I wanted; the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.

It was now winter but it was spring I wanted; the warmth and the blossoming of nature.

I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted; the freedom and the respect.

I was twenty but it was thirty I wanted; to be mature and sophisticated.

I was middle-aged but it was twenty I wanted; the youth and the free spirit.

I was retired but it was middle-aged I wanted; the presence of mind without limitations.

My life was over but I never got what I wanted.

|| poem by a 14 yr old.

[Georgia 2,908]

And BTW, my feast days have been fraught. ( LOVe That word! Lol) within wise choices this weekend. I had to travel to another part of the state Fri night and spend that night and most of the next day preparing to song and play at a funeral. Aggh. Was glad to be there to help comfort and make thing a easier for the family but much tension and stress involved.

Whereas, my CALORIES weren't much over my limit, if at all, it was so removed from my norm that it kinda threw me into this "feeding frenzy". I even woke up Sunday morning THINKING about food which really hasn't been happening. Ugh!

Ate too many items that involve carbs this wknd so it's back to MY norm tomorrow and limited editions today! .

[M2G 1,836]

M2G, I am printing this response out and hanging it above my workspace <3.

If I could have a talk with 15 yr old me, first of all I would give her a glimpse of the horrors to come if she doesn't make her health a priority. Then I would tell her the secret of the universe - nobody is going to beat the snot out of you for trying. Be brave because only good things come from it. ask that boy out, wear that bikini, tell that bully b!tch to STFU, stand up to your parents, tell them their abuses and self absorption will not stand, oh yeah and take French instead of Spanish

OMG, GT, LOVE this! Really I do. I so wish I could go back in time and have a little ole chat with my former self. Gah. No looking back, no regrets, only moving forward.

Perspective. I think we might all need to take a deep breath today and just love ourselves. Do I love ALL of me? No. Do I know I've got to change SOME of me? Yes. But, life is short. Here is a poem my Pastor used yesterday. I looked it up today when i started reading this thread this morning.

It was spring but it was summer I wanted;

the warm days and the great outdoors....

It was summer but it was fall I wanted; the colorful leaves and the cool dry air.

It was fall but it was winter I wanted; the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.

It was now winter but it was spring I wanted; the warmth and the blossoming of nature.

I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted; the freedom and the respect.

I was twenty but it was thirty I wanted; to be mature and sophisticated.

I was middle-aged but it was twenty I wanted; the youth and the free spirit.

I was retired but it was middle-aged I wanted; the presence of mind without limitations.

My life was over but I never got what I wanted.

|| poem by a 14 yr old.

LOVE THIS ALSO. Omgosh that is some good stuff right there. Exactly. The grass is *always* greener, the *next* thing will make me happy...blah blah blah...embrace the here and now because living in the past is no good, living in the future doesn't do any good...being present HERE and now, such a good reminder.

Sooo, fasting today. And I start classes again today (already have my bachelor's degree but that was soooooo long ago, trying to brush up on some skills...going for a certificate) and my brain is SO NOT ready for summer to end and school to start.

[No game 14,437]

Wow! Is all I can say after reading all of these honest, raw, and beautiful words.

I really love you guys..

I gave into stress? Emotions? Greed? late last night..

I was talking to a friend whose son is in the hospital, and stuffed as I was doing it... I spent the rest if the night waking up and belittling myself and early this morning I hated myself.

I am human I make missteps. I run off of emotions. I am more than what I put in my mouth. I deserve the love I give to others too. I am worth loving.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

You go girls! Lovely poem, beautiful truthful confessions and thoughts. Thanks all.

Fasting today. Already posted what I'm going to eat tonight... Thinking ahead!

a few days ago I went through my photos, looking for "fat me" photos... most of the "bad ones".... really just the less flattering ones.... were gone....deleted quickly... the "good ones" were there, but did not really show the real everyday me... hiding my real shape back then...I went back and found my "before" -pics... the ones I took in the bathroom mirror... in a bra..... wow. It was humiliating to take them...I feel sorry ofr me looking at them now! I only found the strength because I knew I was changing things soon with WLS. My body has really changed. I can complain about my floppy tummy, and the other odd and end flaps and bumps, but they are NOTHING like what I had before. I am so at goal compared to those photos. Even though I am still me, I am no longer trapped in the same body and mostly, not trapped in the same mind... but now and then, the old self loathing kicks in... looking at those before photos really gave me some perspective.....That girl deserved love and compassion as much as I do now... same to you guys... don't forget it!

[Georgia 2,908]

Btw, FYE, your before and after pic I saw is stunning! Your waist is very defined! I'm jealous! Ha! I have never had much waistline. Sorta up and down. The only real thing I have going in my favor is I have no thighs/hips or butt either. Most of my weight is carried upper body. That's why very happy that 5/2 seems to be helping "define" my upper body and face/neck more. Or maybe it's just that I am near goal. Who knows? Either way. It is helping. LOL

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

"finally packed up" omg I can't imagine an American doc saying something like that, too funny!! Are you interested in taking HRT, since it was early M? My Mother, in a sick poisonous sort of jealousy perhaps? Has been chirping away about the imminent doom that awaits me, since I turned effing 30!!!! I finally told her to STFU about it, to let me enjoy my womanhood without her sitting on the sidelines, eagerly watching with a bag of popcorn as I careen towards the cliffs. :/

Coops, you are another one, like Cheri, who is basically at goal and who looks damn fabulous yet doesn't seem to *get it*. Whenever you feel like moping about all the things you "haven't" acheived, just look at me and be comforted v_v.

Hey GT: my life got better when I stopped interacting with my mother. She was a negative person who always gave me messages that "I don't know what I'm feeling," I have an attitude when I was actually crying after her rage towards me," etc, etc, etc. That has been like over 10 years ago. My DH told my daughter in-law that after I did this I became a happier person. Sometimes we have to let go of the toxic people in our lives no matter who they are. I have and had been scared by my mother and it affected my children also. I did do a lot of therapy and then became a therapist.

Georgia I love what you wrote about always wanting to be in the future ore in the past! It is so me to the T! Now I practice living in the present and it reminded me to stay in the present.

I have also been reminded to love who I am and that I have been so focused on my failure at times and eating the wrong foods. So now it's back on track to loving myself as I love others in my life. We are people and we will make mistakes...

Today i weighed myself and my weight is back down to 142.2 lbs. Perhaps I lost Water weight and that's ok. I am focusing on today and enjoying. Today is a fast day, I wasn't particularly hungry so I waited until lunch to eat Protein.

[UK Cathy 977]

Wow, I was just going to log on a report on my weekly weigh in and how my weekend has been but it seems too trivial now.

I find it amazing hope much love and support there is in this group for each other but how little love we seem to have for ourselves (me included). How did we get here? Is it our upbringing , a specific action or in our psyche? We seem to be able to offer ourselves to others - spouses/partners, children, parents, friends and family but put ourselves at the bottom of the food chain. I'm 54 and the only thing I have done just for myself in all those years is to have the sleeve, 16 months out and I still feel selfish about it at times- I took money from savings, I went abroad and immediate family was worried, I have to plan food and drink differently now etc etc. I find it hard to think that I am worth it.

Anyway I lost the extra I put on last week plus an additional pound so I am happy. It is a public holiday here in he UK today (Monday ) so it is feast days all weekend. I'm going to fast tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. Exercise is oink OK.

I have one more week of holiday then back to work, so looking forward to it as it has been a long summer break as we did not have a family holiday. Fast days are also easier when I am working.

You are an amazing bunch of people. Sorry WE are an amazing bunch of people.

[Georgia 2,908]

Wow' date=' I was just going to log on a report on my weekly weigh in and how my weekend has been but it seems too trivial now.

I find it amazing hope much love and support there is in this group for each other but how little love we seem to have for ourselves (me included). How did we get here? Is it our upbringing , a specific action or in our psyche? We seem to be able to offer ourselves to others - spouses/partners, children, parents, friends and family but put ourselves at the bottom of the food chain. I'm 54 and the only thing I have done just for myself in all those years is to have the sleeve, 16 months out and I still feel selfish about it at times- I took money from savings, I went abroad and immediate family was worried, I have to plan food and drink differently now etc etc. I find it hard to think that I am worth it.

Anyway I lost the extra I put on last week plus an additional pound so I am happy. It is a public holiday here in he UK today (Monday ) so it is feast days all weekend. I'm going to fast tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. Exercise is oink OK.

I have one more week of holiday then back to work, so looking forward to it as it has been a long summer break as we did not have a family holiday. Fast days are also easier when I am working.

You are an amazing bunch of people. Sorry WE are an amazing bunch of people.[/quote']

You are right, WE are amazing!!!!!! Enjoy your holiday. I, like you, do better on fast days and eating as a whole when I work!

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

We Are an amazing bunch!

When I was going through meno, I hadn't had a period for a year. Then one year to the date, I had my last one. It was so weird.

I was not on hormones for a number of years but finally did get on them. I wish I could take them the rest of my life. I feel better on them.

I remember when I wanted to get to goal, it was because I wanted a man in my life. Now I have one, and he is a PITA sometimes! I hate it when he buys ice cream. I showed him a picture of me at my heaviest and told him how much it bothers me when he brings that cr@p home! Plus he interferes with my gym time.

My lap top is gone off for repair but I am able to use the one at work this week until wed. I am normally retired but my boss is on vacation and I told her I'd watch the office. The full time girl resigned a month or so ago, and she can't seem to find anyone who wants to learn on the job to be a legal assistant for mimimum wage. Imagine that.

Fasting today. I have a Headache. I notice of fast days, I get a headache. I suppose it from such low calories.

I was afraid I gained yesterday bc my DD invited me over for pizza last night.

I was 141 something this AM. It is so much better than 151. My pants fit again, but I would be able to wear all of my shirts if I got back into the 130's. I gained weight in my stomach and things were too tight in the stomach and belly.

I hope everyone is having a good Monday. Most of us are on the West Coast I think. So we're in the same time zone. That's unusual.

Hugs to everyoone!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Btw, FYE, your before and after pic I saw is stunning! Your waist is very defined! I'm jealous!

Thanks Georgia! Its getting there, I am kind of high waisted, so really thats what you can see in the pic, I always buy dresses and blouses that nip in just under the boobies! Works a charm! I have to say though, the 5:2 has cut my waist some, and my belly dance classes are paying off in that department as well.

[No game 14,437]

Wow FYE you do look great!! I just went and had a peep! I love your style!

[swizzly 901]

It's the 3 am zone for me, so I'm sure anything I'm actually feeling is in overdrive from that wee hours emotional exaggeration thing. It's what sucks the worst about insomnia sometimes. But I will say I'm often chasing my own shadows too and haunted by things from the past. And yet... I don't know if its age or just too many miles on this heart, but I gained a huge amount if compassion for myself a few years back and it seems to have stuck. Even when I'm worried or feeling bad about myself, I refuse to be the first in line to kick myself when I'm down. Thank god for that cos historically I've been bloody awful to myself.

I do want to knuckle down and get my food and drink back under control, but that's ok. It's doable and I'll do it. And the times I don't do not define me anymore than 'eating clean' does. At the end of the day, I want to take care of myself and eat good food to nourish me physically and live a good life to nourish ME. I'm mostly doing ok.

And when I see you guys being hard on yourselves, I mostly want you to skip to the part where you realize life is short, and precious, and not 'burn daylight' by hating your every thought, feeling and action. I believe we all hopefully get there eventually, by age or by sheer bloody exhaustion with the whole thing. But damn. I wish I could've got there sooner and enjoyed the ride longer. And I wish the same for you guys...to see that you are awesome and GOOD and accept that for the truth it is. Compassion for ourselves is, I think, the key to breaking through the barriers we've got and the bad scripts in our heads and hearts. For me it came before the sleeve, but it could've taken much longer if not for some very hard times, so when things are so bad and painful, think of the possibility of good old growing pains and hang on for what beauty comes of it all...

Meantime, I still haven't lost any weight from 5:2...lol. Kinda makes me smile and just figure life is crazy and so is weight loss and dieting...but it's also kind of fun and compelling and life-affirming. We are still here, eating and watching what we eat and thinking how tomorrow is another day. It is ALL a gift. <3