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Moms and girls: our attitude towards negative self body image



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Here is a really neat article talking about how our Mothers' actions and words shape our body images even when we are young.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/8760102/When-your-mother-says-shes-fat

I have REALLY conciously tried to stop the negative talk when it comes to anything about bodies, shape, fat, etc. when it comes to my girls. I have an almost 11-year old daughter and a 12 year old daughter and the last thing they need to hear is "oh you'll just take after me and be fat." They were 9 and 10 when I was sleeved and I told them that I needed to have surgery to regain my health. It is my great hope that obesity does NOT find them and do harm to them.

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My daughter is almost 7, and has already asked if she looks fat in things...and the only juiciness the child has is her tiny bubble butt. She knows that I have been seeing a dr to lose weight, and that I will have this surgery. We talk about eating healthier, and she asks about carbs and Protein in foods. Our food talks started before I started this journey...she wound up in the hospital with and obstructed/impacted bowel, so we always look for high Fiber Snacks for her. Like you, I hope that she fares better than I have...and that the PCOS doesn't hit her like it did me. She's discovered that she likes sports, so hopefully keeping her more active than I was will work in her favor.

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Thank you for sharing that. It made me cry because I could see myself in the little girl that learned from the messages at home how "unattractive" and "shame worthy" being fat was and how "easy" it was to lose weight if you just focused on it (therefore bringing about a feeling of failure when this was not he case for me).

I still struggle to talk with my parents about this and promise myself that if I have girls (or boys) I will instill in them that they are so much more than a number on a scale

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This brings tears to me because the damage was done. I want to wrap my arms around my daughter and tell her how beautiful she is. :(

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I am very open and honest with my 8 year old daughter.. I tell her everything that is going on with my life. She has been to a couple of my doctors appointments with me where we were discussing the procedure or my weight.. Since then she has started to say oh my fat hips or my fat thighs.. She is tiny..a small fry.. I tried to explain to her that she is a healthy weight and that she isn't fat and mommy is doing this to get healthy I just don't know if what she has heard from me being to open and honest has harmed her.. :'(

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When I used to complain to my mom about being fat as a teen (I wasn't fat...at all!) she'd say things like "Well cut the feedbag then!" Her lack of support only encouraged my unhealthy dieting and food obsession that got me where I

Am today. If I ever have kids, I vow never to do that to them.

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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      1. LeighaTR

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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