I am pre-op and just completed all of my testing. I am currently waiting for insurance approval. Since I began this process, my wife has been very supportive. She told me she stood behind me 100%. I gave her a list of all my Dr. visits and told her she was welcome to join. But I also said she didn't have to as I didn't want to bog her down with Dr. appts. I kept her informed as things progressed letting her know how the Dr. visits went. Things were fine until this week when I completed all my testing and received all my clearances.

Now she is very upset. She said she feels very out of the loop on what is going on and that I have been secretive about the process. Of course I feel the total opposite as I continually discussed this with her. She also said how upset I was that I did not consider the impact on her. Of course my first thought was I have to change, you don't. She said that she read divorce rates are 65% for bypass patients. She also told me she was jealous that I could get surgery and she can't. This went on and on and she was very angry with me.

My jaw totally hit the floor. The whole time she said nothing, and now all of a sudden my decision on surgery was a huge issue.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions on how to handle?

I've gone from being very excited about this surgery, to very melancholy.

patiscuba: That is a very good point. That is my outlook on this entire process. When I looked at surgery, I felt the benefits outweighed the risks. All of my grandparents dies from cancer, and diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure all run in my family. I felt that this would reduce my risks so signifigantly, it was the right thing to do.

laura-ven: she tells me surgery is not something she wants to consider. She was enrolled in a program for weight loss' date=' but due to the BMI requirement. The Dr. actually suggested she gain a few pounds so she couldget approved for surgery. However, after she researched it, she felt the surgery wasn't for her and I respect that. Perhaps maybe because she doesn't think its the right route for her, she assumes its not the right path for me either.[/quote']

Jay,

I can respect that, this surgery is not for everyone. You are probably right she may think its to drastic of a move for you too. I really hope that she can come to a place of peace with your decision because you will need her support. In the beginning stages my husband didn't like the idea of such a drastic surgery. I was able to get him to come to my appointment with the surgeon though and it really helped him overcome his fears.. I know that you have done your appointments. But perhaps sitting down and going over everything thing you have learned so far would help settle her mind. And yes risks/benefits are a big part of this