Would You Have Weight Loss Surgery Again?

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

My marriage is at risk because he didn't want me to have the surgery to begin with. He was supportive of me because he wants me to be happy, but he doesn't understand why I put my life at risk for it. I went through a lot the first 2 weeks post op and he was there for me, but the times I did break down he told me I wasn't allowed to because this was a decision I made and I had to live with the consequences. He said I was very selfish to have done this when we have a son who has health problems through no fault of his own and I should have thought twice before almost leaving him motherless.

I chose to go through with this life altering surgery because I wanted to feel the way I did when I lost over 70lbs with the band. But I didn't know how depressed and anxious this would make me. For the first time in my life I'm on anti anxiety medication to help with some of the stress and I'm constantly worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow. I am withdrawn from my family and my friends and if it weren't for my son, I probably wouldn't be alive right now.

This so bothers me when I hear spouses say that we're selfish for taking the initiative for a healthier life style. So I really would like to know who is the selfish one here? The spouse or the person seeking a healthier life style...? If your marriage is at risk because you choose this procedure, then you marriage was at risk way before this........this might be a good time to seek a counselor to help work through these issues and strengthen your marriage..... the surgery will not put your marriage at risk, it's already at risk before you made this choice. So sorry, I'm not directing this at any individual, just food for thought....

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Of course, all our spouses were/are concerned for our well being in regards to the initial surgeries.. ABSOLUTELY! As it should be. My husband didn't want me to go through wls. He was scared...it's normal! I am over the surgery so why should he or any spouse be upset about what you went though to get where you are? It's history. I just can't imagine.. In my wildest thoughts, can't understand a spouse not being supportive. If, for whatever the reason he/she claims.. I call BS and I feel sorry their pathetic selfish asses and their marriage is in trouble with or without wls

IMO

[No game 14,436]

Of course' date=' all our spouses were/are concerned for our well being in regards to the initial surgeries.. ABSOLUTELY! As it should be. My husband didn't want me to go through wls. He was scared...it's normal! I am over the surgery so why should he or any spouse be upset about what you went though to get where you are? It's history. I just can't imagine.. In my wildest thoughts, can't understand a spouse not being supportive. If, for whatever the reason he/she claims.. I call BS and I feel sorry their pathetic selfish asses and their marriage is in trouble with or without wls

IMO[/quote']

Aww... But her husband did NOT sign up for any complications, anything that might take her away from her duties (even temporary) she was selfish,

Probably because he had to pick up some of the slack..

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Aww... But her husband did NOT sign up for any complications, anything that might take her away from her duties (even temporary) she was selfish,

Probably because he had to pick up some of the slack..

Ok, well, for him.. I can't even feel sorry for his sorry ass..

What a sad situation. I do feel for the patient, but the blame should NOT be put on wls. The blame is on the spouse

[Takingcontrol 467]

I can understand spouses being concerned, mine was too! & it would only escalate naturally if there were complications! But just as she has accepted that this was her decision...& it's a done deal...so should he! & should jump in & help her through this! I also feel that there were prob some stress issues prior to surgery, with a child with health problems there has to be, & I hope you guys get some professional help! That alone is enough to destroy a marriage, without the added stress of ANY surgery! I pray that your body will adjust & you will soon learn to adjust to your sleeve! (((Hugs)))

[PdxMan 4,292]

Hmmm ... sounds like it is about time for a MEN ARE SUCH ASSES!! thread. I think it has been about 8 hours since the last one was posted. After all, it IS all about US, right?

Laura, will you do the honors?

[No game 14,436]

Hmmm ... sounds like it is about time for a MEN ARE SUCH ASSES!! thread. I think it has been about 8 hours since the last one was posted. After all' date=' it IS all about US, right?

Laura, will you do the honors?[/quote']

I love my husband... That's all I know. I married a real man. someone who is smart, compassionate

Helpful, supportive and loves me just the way I am. Even on the days like today,when not feeling well.

Oh and he makes good money! And he also does the grocery shopping!! (He thinks he gets better bargains than me, and I keep letting him think that cause I hate grocery shopping hehehe)

Yep, I LOVE men!

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Hey.. I tried to say spouse when I could... But, but ...LAURA pointed out the "he" in a specific story so.. Well, it's Laura's fault

[PdxMan 4,292]

I love my husband... That's all I know ! I married a

Real man! someone who is smart, compassionate

Helpful, supportive and loves me just the way I am..

Oh and he makes good money! And he also does the grocery shopping!! (He thinks he gets better bargains than me, and I keep letting him think that cause I hate grocery shopping hehehe)

Yep, I LOVE men!

Ah, great. You found a REAL MAN that you can manipulate and makes a lot of money. Wow. Nice job. Congratulations ... uh ... really. I'm sure you do love him.

[No game 14,436]

Ah' date=' great. You found a REAL MAN that you can manipulate and makes a lot of money. Wow. Nice job. Congratulations ... uh ... really. I'm sure you do love him.[/quote']

Not fair!! He's a good man! The best man I've ever meet! He is the kind of father to our children, that I could of only wished for as a child. I love him. I love his values his mind his humor and his body. PDX you cannot put a perverse twist on a good and healthy relationship.

The shopping thing is more of a joke between us.

And he works hard so I can stay home so when our kids (and their friends) get off school, they have someone to come home to. And I can do things like spend the day in my sons school for colonial day (last week) and teach kids how to build corn husk dolls all day.

Yes he is good and I love him and he loves me

How's that for a thread hijack!!

Ps..yes he is a "real man" (sorry if thats not pc enough for you) not what I dated before him and thought where men... They were ASSHOLES.

[Sannah 258]

Good:

My marriage is stronger than ever.

I learned my strength.

My support system is out of this world!

I have lost weight.

I have found hidden greatness in everyone.

I can move better in my body.

I am becoming a better me!

Each day of my life is richer.

I am leading by example for those around me.

Exercising is much easier and enjoyable.

Neutral:

I eat meat, former vegetarian.

I vomit if I consume high sugar.

I vomit if I consume high fat.

Bad:

Leaks suck!!

food is disgusting.

I don't know what I like or what to eat.

Complications of the leak are long and drawn out.

My journey has been rough.

Esophageal spasm.

I feel more disgusted than ever with my body.

I can't say if I would do it again. I relish in the greatest that has come from this. I value the changes I have made and am making. But the wounds of complications are still fresh.

Everyone says give it a year or two and you'll feel better about this decision. Until then I feel a deep sense of regret, but try to remain focused on all the good. Somedays it's hard to ignore the bad stuff though!! I do go to counseling. I am almost standing strongly on my own two feet again.

I read that so many of you would so this again in a heart beat. I hope to join you in this thought process one day!!

[PdxMan 4,292]

Hey, wasn't putting a perverse twist on anything. I was basically re-stating what you said in this post:

I love my husband... That's all I know. I married a real man. someone who is smart, compassionate

Helpful, supportive and loves me just the way I am. Even on the days like today,when not feeling well.

Oh and he makes good money! And he also does the grocery shopping!! (He thinks he gets better bargains than me, and I keep letting him think that cause I hate grocery shopping hehehe)

Yep, I LOVE men!

There is just an awful lot of man bashing that goes on here at VST and it gets really old. The posts that contain this behavior take no time to try to look at the whole picture. As the person making the decision to make a change in our lives, we make this whole process all about us and chastise anyone around us who doesn't jump on our, "Yea for ME!" bandwagon. We have taken far more time to process this whole thing in our heads but the others around us haven't. We don't give them the time or volume of information we have had, yet, we expect them to be caught up with us. Some spouses can do this, but others need more time and information.

I know we want to be supportive of our fellow sleevers, but man-bashing is just such a common past-time here whether it is warranted or not.

[No game 14,436]

Good:

My marriage is stronger than ever.

I learned my strength.

My support system is out of this world!

I have lost weight.

I have found hidden greatness in everyone.

I can move better in my body.

I am becoming a better me!

Each day of my life is richer.

I am leading by example for those around me.

Exercising is much easier and enjoyable.

Neutral:

I eat meat' date=' former vegetarian.

I vomit if I consume high sugar.

I vomit if I consume high fat.

Bad:

Leaks suck!!

food is disgusting.

I don't know what I like or what to eat.

Complications of the leak are long and drawn out.

My journey has been rough.

Esophageal spasm.

I feel more disgusted than ever with my body.

I can't say if I would do it again. I relish in the greatest that has come from this. I value the changes I have made and am making. But the wounds of complications are still fresh.

Everyone says give it a year or two and you'll feel better about this decision. Until then I feel a deep sense of regret, but try to remain focused on all the good. Somedays it's hard to ignore the bad stuff though!! I do go to counseling. I am almost standing strongly on my own two feet again.

I read that so many of you would so this again in a heart beat. I hope to join you in this thought process one day!![/quote']

I don't want this to get lost in the bull here

Sannah so I'm reposting!

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

I wasn't man-mashing and I apologize if anything I said was taken as that. Anything I said could be either man or woman. When I comment on a specific man.. I mean it for that specific man.. Not in general. Trust me.. I'm overly confident that both male and female can be asses .. Equally!

I love men. (heh.. You know what I mean)

[Takingcontrol 467]

Good:

My marriage is stronger than ever.

I learned my strength.

My support system is out of this world!

I have lost weight.

I have found hidden greatness in everyone.

I can move better in my body.

I am becoming a better me!

Each day of my life is richer.

I am leading by example for those around me.

Exercising is much easier and enjoyable.

Neutral:

I eat meat, former vegetarian.

I vomit if I consume high sugar.

I vomit if I consume high fat.

Bad:

Leaks suck!!

food is disgusting.

I don't know what I like or what to eat.

Complications of the leak are long and drawn out.

My journey has been rough.

Esophageal spasm.

I feel more disgusted than ever with my body.

I can't say if I would do it again. I relish in the greatest that has come from this. I value the changes I have made and am making. But the wounds of complications are still fresh.

Everyone says give it a year or two and you'll feel better about this decision. Until then I feel a deep sense of regret, but try to remain focused on all the good. Somedays it's hard to ignore the bad stuff though!! I do go to counseling. I am almost standing strongly on my own two feet again.

I read that so many of you would so this again in a heart beat. I hope to join you in this thought process one day!!

This is beautiful Sannah! I hope you soon enjoy the positives & the complications become a distant memory!